Am I asking to much of my partner. Am I the problem or am I right to feel the way I do?

we have Been together for 9 years and I still feel unloved by him. I may not be so attractive to him now as I was 9 years ago. I was at my best then but I still felt like sex was mechanical with him. He has never made any suggestion that he enjoys me passionately. Just he would go through the motions and thats how it felt for me. in between all this we get on great usually. When I question his lack of passion and affection. He tends to get angry at me says I'm pestering him and that maybe if I didn't keep on then maybe he would. just I don't nag him , I try to look nice and yet he can goes months without cuddling me and having no sex.
Like I said even at the start sex wasn't good and not adopted as I would have liked. Then it just dwindled to once every 2 months or longer.
We used to chat a lot and I felt I could always turn to him but not now. He tells me to be quiet or he will talk over me.
I've never been in a relationship that's lacked passion like this. Even at night he falls asleep he never cuddles me. I try to but he just doesn't respond. When you have shared the same bed for years it's natural to snuggle up. I've tried to see the problem is with me and I'm wanting to much. I try to accept it as it is , just there's only so long I can go on for like this. As I suddenly feel. down on myself and I feel lonely and unwanted. I've tried looking great and everyone says I do. Only he doesn't. Same if a guy chats. me up body in front of him. It doesn't bother him he just doesn't care. I could be sunbathing topless surrounded by rugby players. Only it wouldn't bother him. I don't want jealousy but just a bit of protective ness that's all. I ask him if he wants to split up because we are more distant that ever. He says I'm making it all up in my head. He tells. e I'm simple and selfish.
Just that's not who I am and its only now and then I'll ask why he doesn't want me. Only again he gets angry and say he is sick of me making it all. about him.
Am I asking to much of my partner. Am I the problem or am I right to feel the way I do?
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