Am I WRONG for asking my partner to Email me a request to Borrow Money? *** MAKE OR BREAK *** for our relationship now... So I really NEED your help?

[Anonymous]

Just a bit of background so you can get a better idea of our relationship & keeping it factual...
The first time we were together was for 4years, (first 2years was THE BEST EVER), spilt for 5years now back to together for 3years when we are good we are really really good together,
but this is over clouded with when its bad its super bad - about to break up bad & this happens a lot.

During first lockdown i got a 2nd job @ a delivery company on a gravy yard shift in December to June plus my normal daytime job
the 2nd job was 20mins drive from my partners place & 60mins from my (/Mums) place, reason for 2 jobs was to support us during lockdown but mainly to buy a place for the both of us as her place is too small for both of us to live in (& a factor to us splitting up).

So i was allowed to to stay at my partners place for a ONLY a month as my 'crazy' schedule became a issue,.. then not seeing me enough was a issue which lead to arguments & to ULTIMATUMS to stop the 2nd job or the relationship would be over!
We argued a lot & i ended up suggesting & moving shifts so it wouldn't affect the time we spend together as much & this calmed things down...

Year later THIS MONTH...
... my partner has an opportunity to start their own dream business which I'm happy for & have always said I can & will support, so now my partner has

ASKED me if they can BORROW some MONEY which I don't have a problem with, BUT I have asked if it can be done VIA EMAIL just saying how much they would like to borrow, this is questioned... but my partner replies after a week i then sent the money, a week later my partner expressed they are UPSET & HURT as to why i wanted the request emailed,
my partners BROTHER then gets INVOLVED gives my partner a LOAD of money and kindly demands the RETURN of the money i borrowed, this goes on for a few days i give up & take my money back,
& Now some weeks have passed my partner is STILL UPSET commication is minimally,
was i THAT WRONG for asking for the EMAIL?

[loveslongnails]

You're not married to her, nor did she even OFFER to make a partner in her business in exchange for the money, nor did she understand it was a loan - and business my friend, is business.

Anytime you lend a significant amount of money that you 'expect to get back', you need solid paperwork. Otherwise, consider it a gift and don't expect to see it again. Had she kept your money and all you had was a verbal arrangement of sorts, if you split up and try to get it back, you'll end up in court. Then it will become a "he said/she said" with no documentation. All she'd have to do is lie to the judge and say "he GAVE me money and said don't worry about paying it back". Then you're fucked.

My quick assessment is this - no matter how high the good times are, the bad times are a disaster and a break-up waiting to happen. You have 12 years invested in this woman and she is behaving like a child and manipulating you emotionally. Now that she's running a business, how much time will SHE have for YOU? A lot less than she used to. I don't see a great upside in this for you.

[DaveJord]

Never lend out money to someone your dating unless you never expect to get it back... that's the bottom line. I never once lent money to anyone I could not afford to lose and never get back. When ever it becomes a take it or break situation then break it.

[Asker]

Appreciate Bro 👍

[Lilas]

Wrong yet not at the same time!

You've every right to want any type of official agreement, its your money and nothing wrong with that

Wrong cause perhaps she felt she can't depend on you, and that your relationship turned into business.
I don't know your situation nor how it came up but hiwbthis things are said make all the difference

Best thing is to have a talk with her; if she's mad about having to return the money she's definitely in the wrong;

If hurt of how it was said she'll understand and get over it.

You gave up a job, to be more available for her! And trying to get a place for both of you,

It seems to me she thinks of her only while you think of both of you!

Hope you find the love you give and more..

[Lilas]

Assumed they were a she so (them)****

[Asker]

So was i wrong or right u kind of say both?
And why do women get soo upset over things that they know as a independent human being other people are allowed to say and do (respectfully), yet women still find themselves getting upset?

[Lilas]

No you did right; cause its a grand sum of money that you worked for and don't awe anyone anything!

She mighty been hurt of how it was said but its not reason to be mad for this long...

So don't hear anyone that says you were wrong no sane person would say that for this case !

[Lilas]

Some are nuts but not all! Don't feel obliged to anything in a relationship that you don't feel like doing...

Cause it's you who will regret it in the end.

[Lilas]

This type of women/people are immature

[SnakeBoop]

meh, if it was agreed its a loan for her business venture, then it was sensible to ask for an email.
but of course, she probably will be upset that you asked.
meh, if she's so upset, may be worth moving on.

[Adam1978]

Don't ever loan money to your partner. That how you ruin a relationship. They should be independent adults, you don't want to make yourself into an atm which can sponsor their lifestyle they can't upkeep on their own. You should decide exactly what you want to give her and when without pressure.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply, there was no pressure to loan the money, I just don't understand what i issue is with me asking for it to me in a email specially after what I got put though to build that money up, it's the lack of caring that gets under my skin

[megabamse]

When it comes to money I start a e-mail chain with them where it state in the beginning their name, and that they are loaning this amount of money. Then a picture of the sent and resived amount. If they loan more then it's added in the mail with the new total at the end. This will secure you in a way where a written agreement is made. They have to pay it back at some point.

[slatyb]

Do not lend him money unless you don't care about getting it back. If you do, either get a signed note or consider it a gift.

[noohair]

You can't undo this so right or wrong is opinion. What matters is what the other people think. You being right from any standpoint does not matter to them. I was married for 26 years. I learned one thing, apologize until you want to break up. This might not be fixable.

[Lliam]

No. You should have made it clear that it was a "loan" with terms and conditions, and gotten it in writing.

[Waldoe]

you were NOT wrong... his repayment history id His issue, not yours. Stick to your guns, if he wants to borrow money, he needs to Sign an IOU...

[Waldoe]

or go to a bank... and sign a IOU

[OddBeMe]

You were wrong to give the money in the first place. So move on.

[Iron_Man]

If you wanna earn money go to a construction site and just work and have them pay you every day in cash

[Asker]

Not the issue, but thanks for sharing 😅

[Anonymous]

yes u were wrong

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I think he was wrong to have loaned it. This is why you don't do business with friends, but it was a business transaction and should be treated as such, That means everything is above board and in writing.

[Asker]

Why though?

[Asker]

@Anonymous why was I wrong?