My crack addicted partner?

[Anonymous]

My partner has become seriously addicted to crack cocaine, after stealing from my family members, becoming mentally abusive, and screaming and me & the children to leave our own home, he often tells me if I shown him more “affection his habit wouldn’t be so bad” this is often what he tells me. I have become so numb to it all and it has had such a decremental effect on my mental health I often argue the fact that his relationship would improve if he sorted his addictions out, I have become friends with a male after the last time the thrown me & the children out and he has tried so many way to help me get away from my partner even helping me almost get another home for me and My children to live in. My partner has been through all my online accounts email, banking and seen I had deleted a conversation from this guy, I don’t want my partner to see our conversations on how much this guy has helped me & my children even offering us to go to his house until we get our own home ( I have turned this down many a time in fear it will escalate with my partner ) and for my own children’s stability. My partner keeps asking me to recover the conversation with this guy and has made many threats of hurting him etc and all then rest of it. Please tell me your thoughts am right to deny affection after everything he has out us through and to disbelieve that is the reason for his addiction in his eyes becoming worse or am I out of line and somewhat to blame?

[FunkyMonkee]

I was just watching Horrendous revolver discussing child actors of the past. It was from 1990. Danny Bonnaduce was on the set talking about his being arrested for coke. As soon as the show was over, they announced on the news that he'd just been arrested again in Fla. for crack! Funny guy but, what a fucking loser! During the interview on the show he made a joke about Todd Bridges getting arrested and everyone in the room gasped and put him down for it.

[Asker]

Okay ……

[genericname85]

I think you're sort of cheating your partner. I think you should make your intention to get away from him a reality and be clear about it, it secretive unless you expect violence in retaliation but in that case there's public help organization that can help you. You don't have to go the shady way that looks like cheating.

[Asker]

Maybe because I have a male friend …. I only began speaking with this guy in the aftermath of the 6th time he had asked me and our children to leave our home (basically being thrown out again) this guy has wanted to help us get away from all the abuse. In the build up to all of this …… he has stolen money from my dad by also sneaking into his home to try and take his bank card (bearing in mind my dad is also blind) he has manipulated and gaslighted me for years. I have been in contact with a women regularly regarding domestic abuse and she is the one who has pushed for me & the children to be rehoused quickly…. Even knowing this guy is my friend he has threatened the guy with an axe (only saying it to me though) he also told me that he would only get ten years for both of us … meaning 10 years inside. This guy is trying to scare me into not leaving ….. and it’s made me so so sick my children have also suffered. At Christmas time he also took my phone and took my dad’s bank card stealing the last of his money and traumatizing my kids over Christmas I have been scared to Leave for years ….. I have never wanted to be shady I have been terrified for years.

[genericname85]

Well I think it's clear that you gotta get away from the guy.

[Kelley1]

Obviously you are troll. No one can be stupid enough to remain in such a relationship.

[Kelley1]

What a surprise. Nevertheless, thank you for the MHO.

[Asker]

Yes I haven’t replied to your sarcasm, why would I entertain a female with less life experience than myself 🤷‍♀️

[guywholikestoeatout]

I can’t imagine anyone could possibly stay affectionate to someone like that. It’s not your fault he decided to throw away his life with you for drugs. You are in the right and you really should get out of that situation as soon as you possibly can. I hope everything works out for you, stay safe.

[Asker]

Thank for your reply … I am wracked with guilt for striking up a friendship with another male, but this only happened around the time
Of me and my children being thrown out of our home
For the 6th time, and I’d also like to add if it wasn’t for this guy I would of never found the women regarding domestic abuse who has helped me & my children get a new home (which is coming very soon) I have become a shadow of the person I once was and been living in fear for so long now. I am tired and want to find some form
Of happiness before it’s too late

[guywholikestoeatout]

I don’t believe you should feel guilty for that, from what you said, that relationship was over by that point anyways. If anything you should feel proud of yourself cause you owe it to yourself to keep you and your children safe so finding any friend of any sex to help you get out is a brave thing to do. A lot of women unfortunately can’t muster up the courage to do something about it.

And that’s great, I’m happy you are getting the help you deserve. I know it’s not much coming from a stranger but I’m very proud of you for taking the power over your life back. Again I hope everything goes well for you and you can heal and become whole again. Still, be sure to stay safe until then.

[Asker]

From what point would you say the relationship was over? And yeah since we got thrown out for the last time
It was always said between me and him I was coming back until I could get somewhere else for me & the children he said it himself also. He’s always making it very clear this is not my house (whether it be out of anger or not) to have that power over me all the time is soul destroying. And then I become friends with a guy who has grown increasingly concerned about mine & my children’s welfare I cannot disclose our conversations for reasons around his help & support.

[Asker]

But thank you for your kind words everyone else’s make me feel as though I’m the villain

[guywholikestoeatout]

There’s plenty of points I would consider it over, one being his stealing from your family. I personally wouldn’t ever stay with someone after that. But once he started being abusive to you and your kids any way is another point. But then also him kicking you and your kids out the FIRST time. All of that for me personally would be the end. And yeah some guys think you should be still kissing his ass and they are just wrong, life is too short to spend living like that. My answer would be the same if the roles were reversed as well. Which was for the most part what happened to me and my abusive ex.

[Asker]

Well really it was for me, especially after the last time & when his ex friend stopped me in the street & told me about how he boasted about cheating on me & i was still recovering from a nervous breakdown at this point. Ever since me & the children come back here I have been fighting so hard to get us rehoused & im almost at the point where we can leave ….. for good 😊

[boggboss]

U are not happy and coming close to emotional cheating and accept being or staying with a toxic person that clearly needs help but seems not to be willing to get that help for himself not really sure what ubare looking for from this situation

[Asker]

What do you mean coming close to emotional cheating?

[boggboss]

With this man that helps you from how u describe it

[Asker]

Well possibly, maybe if I wasn’t so scared living under the same roof at the moment I would have gone about things differently …

[boggboss]

Which is fair enough but what's your goal here what do u want

[Asker]

Well me & my children are very close to getting a home of our own soon. I want to be able to have some stability of our own and not live within this chaos and try and rebuild myself

[boggboss]

Fair enough

[Asker]

There is so much more around this story & after being asked to leave around May time me & my
Children once again for the 6th time, is when I started to become friends with this guy …. If it wasn’t for him I would have never found the women regarding domestic abuse who has helped me be able to get a new home for me and my children. And it wasn’t long after this that my partners friend also told me about him cheating on me (which he denies also) and at the same time he told me about my partner stealing from my dad and also pawning my sons phone (which me and my son had been looking for for weeks) and I asked my partner countless time if he had done something with it, if that he denied.

[boggboss]

I'm not suprised by what your telling me he is a addict that's all normal behaviour for them

[RavVid]

Get the hell away from him. None of this is your fault. You do need to be careful and get advice. Don't know if the Police can advise.

[Asker]

He has a way of always making me feel guilty …. And always puts it on me to showing him more “affection” and his habit would improve (I don’t believe this) and I feel pressured into doing what he wants to stop his mood swings ….. that’s how I feel I am numb to all the pain we have endured & become friends with a guy the last time he kicked me & the children out, he goes through all my emails, bank accounts he’s actually regularly checks my online social media, and has actually currently changed my password after I deactivated my account, every night when I go to bed with the children, he starts throwing mood swings because I haven’t made an effort to go and speak to him when he’s told me he’s hurting, but I’m left to deal with everything regarding the children day & night because he locks himself away in a room because he’s depressed, I’m low and I still do my upmost form our kids, I just want this nightmare to be over 🥲

[RavVid]

There is only one way to end this nightmare and you know what it is. It needs planning as well on both an emergency basis and a more graceful exit. So start doing that. Get some exit money together at least for bus fares out of where you are.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your first duty is to your CHILDREN!

[Anonymous]

You're in a toxic relationship