How would you feel if you didn't get your needs met in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Do you stay or go?

How important are your needs..

Do all of them need to be met?

Or can you sacrifice just 1 need not met

[beernbacon69]

I'd say the first step is to talk to her about it, whatever the needs are and discuss it first before making any decisions to break up or anything. Then see if they listened and make a conscious effort to meet your needs after talking with them. I guess it depends on the need though too, if it's something crazy then it's understandable why they aren't meeting that need. Relationships are about compromise, I can't say all of them need to be met, but it depends on what you are needing in the relationship.

[Asker]

What's your biggest need
Is mine amateur
Him putting effort into dates where I don't have to remind him, or telling him all the time to take me on a date? It almost seems like my deal breaker I don't know. I just never had it happen for me.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I tend to look at the big picture, not the details.
No woman on this planet can fulfill my every need. Not unless I can custom order one online lol

Like the girl I'm seeing now. She's crazy hot and super easy going, but she won't give BJs. That really sucks, but I'm not gonna dump her over that one little thing.
(Of course that's a sexual example, but it's the only one I got atm)

[Asker]

What's your biggest need
Is mine amateur
Him putting effort into dates where I don't have to remind him, or telling him all the time to take me on a date? It almost seems like my deal breaker I don't know. I just never had it happen for me.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

That's a perfectly reasonable thing for a girl to expect!

I guess my biggest need is consistency.
I don't like flakiness and mood swings.
I also want my girl to treat me like a man. Don't belittle me, and let me do what I need to do to protect you

[Asker]

That's very fair lol

[Asker]

I guess me and him need work to do. But it seems he may not even want to do that. And it's sort of a deal breaker and vice versa for sure

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I don't blame you. I hope he bucks up and starts taking you out 😉. That's not much to ask

[Asker]

What can I do if he doesn't. He's saving money for all the things I want.. like a house etc. But I want dates too. I'm a spoiled princess I hate it but I must have this😵‍💫🤕😫

[WanderingLoveWizard]

There's nothing wrong with cheap dates if he can't afford to take you somewhere nice.
It's just being with eachother that counts.
Just tell him that's what you want, and if he refuses you'll have to decide whether to break up with him

I'm not sure what else you can do

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Pizza, milk shakes and a walk in the park is a good cheap date

[Asker]

Yes but I have to TELL him to do those for me... not him taking the initiative to do it.. I don't know if this is a bad look and I'm starting to feel like a placeholder
I tell him this but he doesn't understand

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You feel like he's not totally invested in you. Or at all

[Asker]

I think he is but some... most times I don't feel he is. I feel the girl he really would want he wouldn't let her feel this way for so long. Or even dare get it to this point or even close. He'd for sure get it done

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Sometimes relationships aren't worth saving. Some people will tell you to talk to him and "communicate", but it sounds like you already tried that.
If he's making you feel that bad over something so simple, I honestly don't think he'll ever make it right.
It doesn't take much effort to take a girl out, and he should want to anyway.
It may be time for you to take a step back and tell him you need a break to think about what you're gonna do.

If he really wants you, he'll go out of his way to keep you from pulling away and try to make you happy

[Asker]

He has. We do couples counseling. But it also feels he only does the shit I want only on days I have therapy. I know he does that so I can run to my therapist and update her. It's very manipulative..
He's also looked at wedding rings after us fighting lol and had me see his phone on what he's doing. So manipulative

[Asker]

I've been trying to leave and get help from my siblings no one wants me over lol and they all tell me he loves me

[Asker]

But he can't do shit without me being a mom to him and tell him to do shit. He's not really in love. He settled and I did too

[WanderingLoveWizard]

It's never too late to run

[Asker]

I'm pregnant too. I should of left before I didn't have the strength I'm a whole dumb ass

[Asker]

He keeps me he don't want nobody else to have me!!!

[Jdjfjcjj]

I think most confuse needs and wants when considering what they are missing in relationships. If it is in fact need, then by definition, we done

[Asker]

Do you think my needs are childish?

[Asker]

Needing a guy to show effort into me... like taking me out on does, me not having to remind them of shit to do for me. I want to see him put effort into me that doesn't make him look good to others necessarily. I just see what he does is to look good for others

[Jdjfjcjj]

Admittingly, I commented after just reading the title. I didn't mean to imply that what you maybe missing isn't important

[Asker]

That's fair

[Jdjfjcjj]

this is a common complaint from most women. The level of effort guys show tend to drop off after the courting phase. However, men can testify to feeling the same about womens level of effort after they agree to commit and/or after they say I love you.
You need to express the importance of what you expect far sooner than when it gets to a point that you feeling like he showing no effort at all.
You also however need to ensure that you are providing him with the same and are deserving of such effort.

[Asker]

I spoil this man. I'm realizing maybe I'm not giving him what he needs. I do nag and I'm over the top. But I've been crying about this for years.. the moment I was gonna leave I found out I was pregnant on accident. I love my baby so let's not go there I already know I fucked up. I should of been gone. He's perfect everywhere else. A bit controlling and manipulative but it's not that big of a deal because I'm way smarter than him and I'll fuck him up if need be. Anyway I just don't know if I should leave. Considering it's what I need and he's not really showing effort and doesn't think this need is worth him stressing over. If I ask to n pay this and pay that he will do it. But if it's for him to go out his way it's rare

[Jdjfjcjj]

Motherhood is hard enough but doing it all alone? Once your baby is born, you'll be diverting so much attention to them now that I doubt you'll stoll be spoiling your guy as you say you are now. Perhaps then the differential in the level of effort you both put fortb will minimize and this concern will not be as great.

[Asker]

Lol so he hardly takes me on dates so then after I have his kid he really gonna neglect me now. He does give me flowers but that's only when I see my therapist lol I'm a fucking clown

[Jdjfjcjj]

No I'm saying he your time devoted to him wk decrease and he'll likely take notice and be the one wishing for more from their SO

[Jdjfjcjj]

Your time devoted to him will decrease *

This is common feeling among men after they have children

[Asker]

Good I hope it's forever so he won't stop showing he loves me... cause I need it. And now ever more so. Thank you!!

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I'd communicate with my partner. If they refuse to listen, then I would break up with them.

[peedy]

Completely normal
I'd like to see you find one person that does have all their needs met