True 50/50 in a relationship?

[midnightmoon05]

Anyone have succeeded having a true 50/50 in a relationship? I keep reading about this on this site.
both before having kids and after having kids.
some may know I was a career woman before I got married and had kids. Then a stay at home mom after my 2 kids were born.

now I am the bread winner and my hubby is a stay at home dad.
We have yet make any calculations with 50/50. I would not know how that works financially? And how else? Like you must sleep on 50% your side of the bed and don’t cross over?

[caring__1]

Just like identical twins are never truly identical, no relationship will ever truly be equal. View this as something to strive for, not something to achieve. Perfection will never exist. The object is to show consideration for the other and not feel entitled to more than the other is entitled to. Work together as a team, and seek solutions rather than constantly complain about the imbalance. Find out what the other feels would be an effective solution rather than tell the other what you believe would be an effective solution. See things through the other person's eyes and prioritize hearing and understanding the other rather than insisting on being heard.

[lightbulb27]

no such thing and I'll show why...

50% of the ice cream in freezer labeled with your name is yours, and 50% is mine. Simple! However, there are chocolate chips in there... don't believe in counting chocolate chips, people that do that are ridiculous... we're in it together. We share equally and be happy for the other.

So be happy when one eats 60% of ice cream sometimes, and 30% other times. It's all joy!

[midnightmoon05]

I know right? you even write my name on another ice cream while I haven't finish one. You have finished how many? I lost count. Hey we just got like 10 more containers of ice cream :P

[lightbulb27]

no such thing as "too" much, that way 50/50 really means 300/300 and it feels better:)

[TrueConfection]

I think my husband and I are pretty 50/50, but neither of us have kept a tally. Actually, we both think the other person does more.

[Jennz6]

I don’t think it’s ever 50-50 somebody makes the final decisions

[midnightmoon05]

agree 100%

[Jennz6]

Thanks for the MHO

[Billlewis]

No -- because I'm only interested in having a relationship that favors the female by approximately a 70/30' 80/20 ratio, or thereabouts. I've always been much more comfortable placing her on a pedestal and literally worshipping the ground she walks on. I know that's a very unpopular philosophy nowadays, but that's what's always worked best for me.

[midnightmoon05]

That worked best for many years… owadays…relationships are not working well. Go figures.

[Billlewis]

What worked best, having a relationship in which the main focus was on pleasing you?

[midnightmoon05]

Women are not very smart beciase there is no true equal. I honest don’t know what they are fighting about. Now family structures/values are lost. Men are being put down and raised to men child … lost of father figures.

[Billlewis]

There is no such thing as a true 50/50 relationship, in my opinion, but I'm much happier when she enjoys an approximate 80/20 advantage:)

[midnightmoon05]

Agree no 50/50. I just often hear women wanting 50/50…that they can do what men can. SMH.
When you say 80/20…are you saying all aspects of the relationship? Or in the bedroom?

[Billlewis]

My preferred arrangement is for the relationship to be centered around her, and whenever she's dating a guy (I'm forbidden to have any penetrative sex with her whatsoever), he'll receive top status, as well. I do all the household chores, laundry, and anything else that needs to be done.

[midnightmoon05]

Ever had any babies?/kids?

[Billlewis]

I serve her as a maid and personal slave, etc, and when her boyfriend is there, I serve him in exactly the same manner, assuming he's comfortable with that. Usually, if the guy she's dating Isn't comfortable being waited on hand and foot and catered to with exceptional enthusiasm, she'll find another guy eventually, unless he's incredible sexually.

[Billlewis]

No, but one woman I used to serve got pregnant with her boyfriend's baby and I helped raise the child as my my own, including financially.

[Billlewis]

It was so embarrassing when her girlfriends came over to see the baby, and she candidly told them how proud she was of me, even though I wasn't the father. I've never been so ashamed in my entire life, but it was wonderful.

[Billlewis]

I served Kathy for two and a half years, and she had several boyfriends during that time, and listening to their incendiary lovemaking sessions was excruciatingly frustrating, but tremendously exciting, as well.

[midnightmoon05]

You are the exception…if it works for you all.
My question was for couples who are married and wanting to raise a family together. It’s very different dynamic.
You helping them out makes life easier in many ways.

[Danny_dan92]

Unfortunately, human beings are greedy and narcissistic. When a man or woman has these characteristics embedded in their personality.




They make their relationship die.




Because there is no way a relationship can truly be 50/50 when one or both people in said relationship are this way.

[midnightmoon05]

Those are the ones we stay away.
Even in a romantic relationship, the one we have build trust, love, respect, care, is still not 50/50. We want to give to the one we love. But we also want to make sure we are also receiving love. That is appropriately balance.

[Danny_dan92]

Exactly, it needs to be reciprocated

[DB1973]

Um, Not sure you know what Narcissistic means….

[Danny_dan92]

A narcissist only cares about themselves

[DB1973]

Narcissism goes way beyond “cares about”There is selfish and there is Narcissistic.

[Lliam]

My wife and I don't calculate what percentage each of us contributes. We're a team and share everything. We're in it together. Our goal is a happy life and comfortable future together. It's the two of us, not one or the other.

[Unit1]

I keep it pretty simple.

Both make money and both live together and share expenses. Whether it is precisely 50/50 or 60/40 is trivial. Rest assured neither wants to feel used for money or sex or any uncomfortable effects, that naturally occur otherwise (e. g. women feeling like men think women owe them something OR men feeling like an ATM). That's the entire point of 50/50 in my opinion.

[genericname85]

how do you even quantify 50/50? because usually the same things have different values to each partner.

[exitseven]

It is hardly ever 50/50 at any one point in time but I think that if you looked at it over the 27 year period it comes out pretty close.

[Guardian45]

If you're really serious about it, you could work out dollar equivalence. But it sounds like you two have found a good balance

[PointTaken]

Nope. Never has. Seems they always start out by saying it will be. After a bit, I'm paying for almost everything. Like the last one, she would ask if I could the on some bills, then more, then the rest. I was paying 97% of the bills.

[DB1973]

I had lots of money issues with my first wife so now its 50/50 or no go.
Sometimes I have to work harder but normally is 50/50 on finances.
I assume you only meant fianances? 🤔

[clampfan101]

Mine was while it lasted, though she passed away before any official plans of getting married. We both really wanted to eventually, though…

[eagle1951]

mostly yes sometimes it's 60/40 or 70/30 depend could be health issues or something else

[In_Trance]

impossible to do