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We’ve been dating 8 months and share an apartment together. The lease is up soon. Today I was on his computer and his IG was open.. i opened his messages and saw some from a private account of a girl who’s icon is of her body wearing skimpy clothing. He’s the only follower on the account. There’s 20 posts. She has another public acct he follows too. They dated a year ago. She messaged him that she wanted to see him again, the door is open with a wink, and he responded he’s in a relationship but he still sometimes thinks of her and fantasizes about her with a sad face. She said she does the same, and he responded that he will keep that in mind, then asked her if she’d only message him during work hours to avoid drama and trouble with me and apologized for the request. She said that’s fine and then responded to his keep that in mind “please do keep that in mind” and he said “will do” with a smiley and wished her a nice weekend.
This is cheating right? Does he still have feelings for her? He’s been following this private account for 2 months now.. when I first noticed it I thought it was a fake account. Now I see it isn’t.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
No, this is not "cheating" as that term is commonly used to denote someone engaging in sex with a person other than their ostensibly monogamous partner. It doesn't sound as if he has even met up wth her, so of course they haven't been playing hide-the-sausage. But whether it is "cheating" isn't important because it defintely IS a volation of your trust and your expectations when you are living together (assuming that you don't have an "open" relationship.)
This has been going on for two months so it is not a random, one-time-only event. This is not what you would tolerate in a husband, right? And you have no reason to epect him to change, right? So the only logical conclusion is that the more time you spend with him, the more time you are wasting. Even if he confessed and promised to never do this again, how would you ever have COMPLETE trust in him? You wouldn't!
So, you can break up wth him now, or later, or you can marry him, have two kids, and then discover that he is having an affair and get a divorce. . . but that would be an awful thing to do to your children, and you would be forced to see this guy for the rest of your life.
Your lease is up soon and you probably need to give the landlord 30 days notice of your intent to move out. So, sit him down for a conversation that goes like this:
"We need to move out and we need to go our separate ways. There's somebody from my past who has come back and he wants to resume things and I'm really very interested in doing that so. . . it was fun and thanks for everything, but it's gotta end now."
He will probably not make the connection and will have a stunned look on his face. Then you continue, "Actually, I'm not the one who's in that position. It's you. I just said that so you'd get a little idea of how it feels to learn that your supposedly committed partner has been flirting with an ex for two months."
It's understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by what you found on your boyfriend's computer. While some people might view his actions as emotional cheating, it's ultimately up to you to decide what you're comfortable with in your relationship.
Based on his messages with his ex-girlfriend, it does seem like he still has some feelings for her and is entertaining the idea of seeing her again, even though he's currently in a relationship with you. It's important to have a conversation with him about what you found and how it makes you feel. Ask him to explain his behavior and express your concerns about the future of your relationship.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether you can forgive him and move forward, or if you need to end the relationship. Trust and communication are essential in any healthy relationship, and it's important to make sure that both of you are on the same page about your feelings and expectations.
Thank you. I’m so sad by all of this and I’m not ok with any of it:(
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling sad about the situation. It's understandable to feel upset and hurt when trust is broken in a relationship. It's important to take the time you need to process your feelings and consider what you want for yourself and your relationship moving forward. If you need support or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a professional therapist.
He's not actually doing anything with her. I doubt he has 0 feelings for her, relationships rarely end with both people going away feeling nothing for each other.
But it sounds like they’re about to?
And she sent him nudes
Girls I haven't dated or met have sent me nudes.
As for maybe doing something, there's not much you can do until he actually does.