Does this mean he's going to leave me?

Question

Me and my partner have been on and off for years

There was an incident last year and I got a restraining order on him

So the police placed it on behalf of me so he cannot be near me or contact me

But me and my partner reconciled and continued our relationship secretly

However now we have a baby together - born few weeks ago

This is our first child

Before I gave birth - we had an argument 2 months ago and so I reported him to the police out of spite

And now he is in jail for 2 months

I regret it so much and I miss him

I paid a lawyer for him to try to bail him or get him less sentence..

Im paying his rent until he gets released

Since he's not allowed to call me in jail, he calls my brother

He told my brother:

- he's not angry at me

- he wants to be with me and our daughter

- he plans to marry me

- its really bad in jail and wants me to know how bad it is

But today when he called my brother, he said:

- him, me and my brother needs serious talk.. all 3 of us

- he thinks I dont realize how serious it is

Why did he say that?

Why does he want serious talk?

he's angry isn't he?

why does he want my brother there when he talks to me?

Does he want to leave me?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

I don't see a point trying to interpret what he's feeling or anticipating, that's just anxiety. Try this instead:

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus"

Not to beat you over the head with an old book... but seems like you are gonna need it.

I don't know your boyfriend or why he went to jail, generally speaking, it means he got violent. Males get violent when their emotions are tested... because that's how we are until we learn to control ourselves. It's not ok and he has to learn to vent other ways.

You all need to have the serious talks because you made a life which needs two solid parents. Failure to do that, the child will be screwed up.

You have a chance, you need to do the hard work to find the sources of stress, the broken pieces from early life, and fix those... learn how to communicate, work together, honor each others wounds, grow up, etc. It's hard work but might as well do it now than run away. Get serious about life... and stop the drugs (drinking/etc) until you can handle them.

You have a chance... what you do with it is your call.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You are clearly in a toxic relationship and you are best to end it period or you will be digging your own grave , He is not going to change and you aren’t going to change , You both are not meant for each other period , The fact that you had him arrested 2 times already is clearly going to make him resent you and hold that against you , donMt fall for his words what so ever , the second you steer him wrong again don’t be surprised if he beats you or murders you because you are allowing this abuse to take place , if you truly loved him you wouldn’t be having him arrested period , Picture yourself behind bars for a few months , are you going to come out of jail wanting him back?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

This sounds like a seriously dysfunctional relationship. If you have to put a restraining order on a man you "love," there is something wrong with the man AND with you if you start seeing him secretly and AGAIN use a restraining order to send him to jail "for spite."

You've gone so far as to have a child with this man you've sent to jail. This is chaos and drama that should NOT OCCUR in a healthy relationship, and bodes ill for your future.

I have no clue as to why he wants to talk to you with your brother present. Maybe so you won't call the cops on him again and put him back in jail. Maybe he's tired of the on again/off again drama and wants to work something out where he can see, support and co-parent his child in the future.

You both should do couples therapy together to work through your issues and perhaps also individual therapy to find out how you can live happy, peaceful lives and raise your child.

I don't think you should be together from what has occurred in the past. Neither of you appear to know how to have a reasonable relationship. Good luck straightening things out.

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

Duude.. why did you even not use birth control with his guy? ? ! That was stupid on your part!

I was (I hate to admit it) in a similar situation as you many years ago, but I finally broke off that dumb relationship and got with a man TEN TIMES better than that guy!

It's too bad you created another life and now that baby of yours will be in for a lot of problems!

When you said this:

"Me and my partner have been on and off for years"

And this:

"There was an incident last year and I got a restraining order on him

So the police placed it on behalf of me so he cannot be near me or contact me"

It rang off so many red flag vibes for me. I hope you grow up and mature finally and realize that you deserve better, not just for yourself but also for that new life you just brought into the world. This guy is nothing but toxic hell. I hope you will realize that soon!

AviatorTom · Answer

You two are in a bad relationship. It's probably best you two split and go your separate ways. You each deserve better.

DaisyM23 · Answer

wtf - so you have a restraining order against this man but you still got back with him and knowingly kept it a secret then had a CHILD together but you reported him to the police because of an argument and now he's in jail because of something YOU did? i can't tell who sounds more messed up

chloeaimeejensen · Answer

Honey think about your kid. He may be the kids dad but your whole relationship is toxic. Arguments on a regular basis, getting restraining orders, putting each other in jail out of pure spite.

Letting your kid grow up in that environment only guarantees that your kid is going to be fucked up in the head in the future, and most likely will commit crimes and end up in jail themselves. You don’t want that.

Break up with your boyfriend. Live separately from him and only communicate with him platonically to co parent. Obviously, still let the kid see their dad but it is important for you and your boyfriend to live apart in separate apartments. That will give your kid the best chance of not growing up in a toxic environment and not ending up in jail when they’re older.

definitelyNotHer · Answer

Just by the way you have described this it seems incredibly toxic.. I mean you called the police, got a restraining order on him, and now he's in jail. You can argue that you just called the police out of spite but they can't just put him in jail for no reason, so OBVIOUSLY there was a reason. You mentioned how this is your first child- congrats btw- and it seems as if you're clinging on to this guy because you have a new, deeper connection with the baby here. I'm assuming you want what's best for your baby so i'd say lose all communication with this guy and keep that restraining order because by the way you described him, this man will not be a good partner to you or a good father to your child. Do what's best for your kid because you're a mother now. Don't go back to this man.

Anonymous · Answer

if you've been on and off for years, it's obviously not a good sign. stop kicking the can down the road, damn. just break up! i don't even have to read the whole question to even tell you that. "on and off" is not a healthy relationship and needs to be put to an end.

his words say one thing, but his actions... nothing... he can tell OTHERS (I don't know why he doesn't tell you) that he's going to marry you, yet he does nothing about it. he's in fucking jail? like come on. what are you doing? you can do so much better. stop this!

natured · Answer

Are you serious? I'm sorry but this story just sent shivers down my spine, coming out of a toxic relationship myself, stay AWAY, for the sake of that child... This is not healthy for you and for your child... You should totally start somewhere new..
First you love him, then you call the police he gets locked and then you feel sorry again? I don't understand the reason of a restraining order but usually it's because of violence... in that case STAY THE HELL AWAY

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

Do you realize he could go to prison? Even if you want him, he violated a court order. You could be in trouble too.

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

Only your lover knows the truth. Wait to hear. I feel sorry for the kid. And why did u put a restraining order in the first place?

provokeesmokee · Answer

Jesus fucking hell. What the fuck. You both need to be in a psychiatric hospital. Goddamn.

RingOfFire · Answer

You are asking the wrong question. You should be asking why you want to stay with him. You already made one bad mistake having a baby with him. Don't make a second one and stay in this toxic relationship where you are being abused.

DextroShade · Answer

It's possible he does, and I would not blame him because apparently you are type of psycho who gets a guy thrown in jail because you had an argument. It would be in his best interests to leave you because you sound toxic as hell.

boggboss · Answer

Because u 2 are acting like life don't gave consequences u put him in prison put if spite how long till u claim he raped u because your angry

Sparkie460 · Answer

You are in a toxic situation. If he does leave you, it's better for all of you. You had an argument and put him in jail.

spartan55 · Answer

Wtf did you think would happen when you called the police?

BlackJeep · Answer

I hope so. He doesn't sound like great catch

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He needs to leave you. Any woman who calls the police on her man does not deserve a man.

Howdyhey · Answer

I feel so sad for the innocent baby in this situation.

mommymommymommy · Answer

Toxic relationship Once the cops are involved, you know it's not a good relationship

imfreeze95 · Answer

You are a toxic woman if he doesn’t leave you then he’s an idiot

StrangerSwotto · Answer

Yes, firstly and most importantly, you reported him to police and sent him to jail

Does this mean he's going to leave me?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Does this mean he's going to leave me?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.