Is it okay to be upset that my husband is still mad at the guy that stole his ex?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married for about a year and four months and have been together since 2018… I always understood that he has been upset because his previous two gfs cheated while in a relationship with him and one cheated with a friend who was like a brother to him… years later, he wakes up from a nightmare and can’t stop talking about how he is still very angry at the guy and how he hates him… I had just finished putting together Easter baskets for him and I as a surprise and went to wake him up and just…. Feel kinda put out that this is what the morning is up to… idk… I know he’s still upset about it all and he doesn’t want to be together with his ex, but… it hurts that this still makes him so randomly angry… is that wrong?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you feel upset about your husband's ongoing anger towards the guy who stole his ex. While it's natural to feel hurt and angry after a relationship ends, it's important to work through those feelings and move on in a healthy way.

It's possible that your husband may need more time or support to work through his feelings about his past relationships, and it may be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with him about how his ongoing anger is affecting your relationship. It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and to try to find a solution that works for both of you.

It may also be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance on how to navigate these complex emotions in a healthy and constructive way. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and concerns in the relationship.

[AydenHazor]

It makes sense that he's still angry about the friend stealing his ex. I think the pain and anger is more about the betrayal of a friend who he trusted than it is over the ex. At the same time, I understand it being hard on you that this takes up so much of his emotional processing. I hope he makes the effort to show you you are loved above and beyond anything else!

[abc3643]

They say "Women forgive, but they never forget."

With certain things, men never forgive and never forget and it is a burden on their souls for a long time possibly even the rest of their lives. I understand how he is feeling.

What he needs to do and perhaps you can help him with this is realize that, had that not happened, then you two would not be married. Sometimes the good in life can only come from horrific pain... sort of like the birth of a child for the mother.

Just to give you a personal example.
I was very deeply in love with a girl a wanted to marry. After 17 months, she dumped me and it broke my heart 31y 3m ago. What happened after that is a long story, but I will simply say I am haunted every waking moment by what happened to me. I am married now, but not happily so and, frankly, I look at my death as a release from this living Hell. Yet, because of my marriage which is almost 22 years old, I've gotten to experience some fascinating things including the love of my animals, 1 of which is so intelligent, she's practically human. I have to look at them as gifts... consolation prizes perhaps for what was taken from me in the past and the future that I was robbed of. But I am still happy to have their love and that helps keep me going.

So, you need to remind him of the good he has in his life that he could only have all because his exGF cheated on him with his ex-friend.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm not a complete expert on female nature and my best guess is it conflicts with you wanting him to be thinking about you and only you.

I do understand myself and other dudes though. That shit pisses him off. He simply hasn't figured it out yet. Some harsh truths will have to hit him eventually and hopefully, you'll still be there when he hits them.

I'd bet my nuts that he just hasn't figured out why those other chicks treated him like a doormat and it still bugs the shit out of him... until he completely figures it out.

You could help him move on that path by pointing out the real factors, but you are a chick so... I doubt you'll do that.

[Asker]

To be honest, I don’t know why the other girls did what they did… he was the first person I’ve ever dated and I can’t honestly imagine why anyone would be so cruel as to cheat… especially on him!

[Asker]

Honestly… I just wish I could take the pain away… yes I wish it didn’t feel like he is missing his ex, but…. Most of all, I just wish I could take the pain away….

[D_Bone_Steak]

This happens to most dudes... we basically hit the world incredibly blue pilled and then the world slowly (sometimes quickly) red pills or black pills us. You'll have to look up the term "red pill rage" and it's just a phase he has to go through.

For me, it took almost a year of journal hate writing to finally see I was thinking in circles and to even start to let it go. It took years to actually get over it. That red pill rage is real.

[Anonymous]

You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. W that being said I don’t think you two should have gotten married. There’s still feelings on his part there for his ex in my opinion. She left him, he didn’t leave her so he was still in love w her. If his “friend” hadn’t done that you two wouldn’t be together. Which could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Were you just a rebound is what I’m wondering? To me you were his second option. He should have sought counseling after all this happened if it mattered that much. He certainly wouldn’t be ok if roles were reversed, because to me that would tell me your heart doesn’t belong to me 100%.

[HighValue]

Some people never forget when someone screws them over.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Your dude gotta get over that shit by at least blaming the ex's! It still sucks for you because as I've read you're quite reliable and past baggage is a mufucka.

[Anonymous]

he never got closure on the issue and lot of unresolved feelings of anger but he's also a dick and completely wrong for being a relationship with you when he isn't ready to be in one with anybody yet not while he's holding on to all that anger. it's not fair to you at all. best for you to leave before things get more complicated the longer you wait the worse things could get

[noohair]

I do think that he has the unconscious part of his brain is involved. It can take a long time for this to play out.

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest he needs therapy to learn to live with what happened. He doesn't need to be carrying that around with him.

[Anonymous]

He still miss his ex. . wtf.
Bro howz your sex life?

[Neufd]

He shouldn’t say these things