Why do men respond to distance?

[Anonymous]

When a woman is kind, caring, loving and there for her man too much it is said he will take her for granted, act distant, and loose interest. Why is it necessary to create distance and coldness with a man for him to fall in love with you, respect you and not take you for granted? Do you view this as a game? Or Is this just something you have to do to keep the balance within the relationship?

[Hanrej]

This is not specific for men. Contrary to what people often think, there's more to life than love. When you're showered with affection you feel safe, you try less and instead focus a lot of your time and energy into projects, building your career, home, entertaining yourself or whatever. Then on the contrary, when you feel she's slipping away you chase, put more effort in and she can instead focus her time and energy into herself while being showered with affection. This is a give and take situation in which both want to move forward together however so... If he doesn't Chase when you distance yourself he wasn't as into you as you were into him and vice versa.

I feel this is lost on people today as most are trying to find instant gratification. When you first date your feelings seems mutual, both put in effort into establishing a bond. Just because one or the other puts in less effort after a while doesn't necessarily mean they've lost interest but perhaps just divert their effort into something constructive that is beneficial to that person and by extension, the relationship in long term.

It's not always easy communicating that though to a partner but necessary for any two people looking to grow both individually and together.

[Asker]

I like how you explained this. You gave me a new perception on this topic.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

None of this is true. It's actually women that are turned off by men that give them attention or do things for them. Women are the ones notorious for dumping a guy because she gets bored.

[Asker]

I wish I had a man that wants to give me attention or do things for me, that would be nice for a change. Normally for me guys seem to get turned off and bored when I show that I care, when I'm loving and when I do things for them. They often get distant and don't want to be in a relationship with me.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I don't know what guys you're around, but I love doing things for each other. I'm more the close, clingy, affectionate type so I really like that, but I've seen lots of guys say that when they give their girlfriend too much attention, she gets bored and looks at other guys that she thinks are a challenge. I can't play games. I like closeness.

[Asker]

Yea I don't like playing games either, I also like closeness. I'm not like the girls you mentioned. I love doing things for my partner and showing them I love them and I enjoy when they do that for me.

[Anonymous]

This is my opinion. I think men get complacent and its like oh shit when she switches up because then it becomes clear that there are stakes to losing her when she becomes distant. I had a guy who wasn't into me like that when I all I did was show interest and the moment I stopped he started showing interest. Men are weird creatures.

I'm currently doing this with my ex. Like I have been showing him all this attention but no more of that bullshit. I'm done. If he doesn't want to be with me then so be it. He already noticed that I haven't been doing like I usually do. I will be willing to bet in a few weeks time he will want something again and I'm going to stay strong and be like no. You had your chance. Fuck off. (Sorry I'm angry right now)

[Asker]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Yea I think men can be weird creatures. I think it's best to just mirror people. When they show you they care then you show you care and keep a balance exchange of energy. Because I have been the one to go above and beyond, show interest and show love but it didn't seem to end well. I start questioning maybe I was being too clingy or doing too much.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks. I do too. I wasn't like this at one point but now I'm just like I'm going to give the same energy you give back to me. It seems to always work... they start trying to change their ways once you do that. It's funny to me. I don't do it as a game though I just find that it just happens that way and it's like what do you expect... for me to keep being clingy and all over you when you're not doing the same?

[Asker]

Exactly! I feel the same! I also notice these things as well.

[ColHathi]

Who says that? That's stupid. Don't be with a man like that then.

We aren't all the same, you know.