My boyfriend is 37 years old and basically has his mom run his life.. ?

[Anonymous]

She makes his Dr. appointments, haircut appointments even takes him to the DR. She pays his bills (from his checking account) and deposits money into an account that’s his weekly spending money from his pay check… We have a child together and our relationship is at its breaking point because he thinks i’m trying to cause a divide when in all reality it’s just time to grow up, am i wrong? She has to call first thing in the morning to make sure he’s up, he would have to hang up with me to talk to her on his way home from work… how does he not see how this is damaging not only himself mentally and as a man just independently but US as a family? I love that he’s close to her i really do but there’s a difference between being close to your mom and this… and what drives me insane is that everyone is okay with it. FEEDBACK!

[Screenwriter]

How long have you been with this man, and how did you miss this as a red flag before you had a child with him? OK, I'm not going to denigrate you. Love blinds us all. But, you are where you are today with this situation. And, I forecast this is unlikely to change after 37 years, and why would he want to give up his personal assistant? Especially when it's his mother who loves him and makes life easy for him.

However, his relationship with his mother, sad to say, is bizarrely incestuous. She treats him like an irresponsible husband: parses out his paycheck as "allowance", makes his appointments, calls him to wake him up, talks to him on his way home from work.

You can be subservient to his relationship with his mother, but you can't be his primary relationship. That is his relationship with his mother. And he is comfortable with things as they are.

Unless this man says he WANTS to become independent of his mother, change his phone number, take over his bank account and paycheck and make his OWN appointments and move OUT OF STATE, meaning physcially, as well as mentally get away from this overbearing parent, your chances of truly having a family with him as a nuclear unit are poor to none.

This would also mean he'd have to commit to some serious psychotherapy to break off this creepy Oedipal entanglement and displease the only woman who loves him completely: mommy!

I would have a serious final talk with him about your feelings and if he takes no action, it is your turn to exit with your child. You don't want to raise your son or daughter around this bizarre situation. And I would go as far away as physically and emotionally possible. Make sure to grant him visitation rights and file for child support. Maybe his mother will gladly cut you a check once the two of them are completely back together again.

And no, he doesn't realize how damaging his situation is, or how lazy and immature he is.

Get out with your sanity and get therapy for yourself in the process. You're going to need a lot of support to raise your child on your own because this is the saddest case of mama's boy I've heard of in a long time. Good luck.

[Asker]

This.. is exactly what i needed to hear. We’ve been together almost 5 years but i had no idea about what was going on until i got pregnant (9 mo. into the relationship) How i found out about it was, he slipped and said “i need to bring my mom my mail i’ll be home in a few” from that moment i started paying attention… asking questions… and then BAM. Hit with the most insane reality. I’ve sucked it up and let it eat me alive ever since. I’ve seen therapists that have said the same thing… this has been going on for almost 37 years it’s not going to change any time soon, same ultimatums. I know me expressing ONE more time how i feel like i’m just on standby in this “relationship” won’t get me anywhere so yeah, it’s best i go. I knew that was the answer before writing this question, but how he made me feel like it was ME with the issue or as he says a “vendetta” against his mom.. has me literally going insane. I just can’t believe this is my life, that this sickness exists and is now tied to my daughter. Thank you so much for your response! You certainly have a way with words, that almost seemed like the command i needed 😂 *le sigh* Here goes nothing.

[Screenwriter]

I am very pained you have to go through this. But it's best to not expose your daughter to any more of this unhealthy relationship her father has with his mother. She should not think this is normal. Be judicious about what you say to her as a young child, however. Don't speak badly about her father. Allow her to meet other adults who have ordinary relationships with their parents/mothers.

Don't make it any sort of competition between you and the child's grandmother. But be wary of this woman's influence over your daughter. Make sure your daughter has time with your parents, who I hope are more normal. And with other families who are your friends. This is all you can do. Expose your daughter to healthy people. Good luck.

[JustMeL120]

Now that you have a child together (another child) you should make sure you have a eparate bank account to him and focus on teaching your child independence so he doesn't end up like that. At some point his mum will get old and she won't be doing that for him anymore but it won't be your job either that will be his problem.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

There is a program on TV where these Mothers are attached to their Sons and basically the Mother has to approve everything for the Son and yes it's sad you are dealing with a Man Child.

What is man child syndrome?

A man who exhibits persistent patterns of emotionally immature responses and behavior is sometimes referred to as a man child. People married to these individuals might complain about having an immature husband who does not behave like an adult in their relationship.

[Asker]

Is it the show on TLC? Because a friend recommended that show to me and i turned it on one evening and he got up and walked away 😂 all jokes aside, i felt like signing them up for this specific show because what i deal with is literally that bad. I’ve spoke with therapists about the situation and one went as far as deeming it “emotional incest” I was also told that if me expressing how i felt didn’t change anything it never was going to. And that sucks, because aside from this he’s a good guy.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[Avicenna]

This is beyond ridiculous

[Asker]

i agree 💔

[Nikki1989]

What you have here is a child, not a man.

[Asker]

It sucks, it really does. I feel like it has completely hindered him as an adult yet alone a grown man… and the sickest part is i’m not aloud to say anything about it cause that’s me “attacking him and his family”

[Iron_Man]

The three of you take it to family counseling

[Asker]

I wish, i’ve mentioned it. But it’s hard when he doesn’t see any of it as a problem :(

[Iron_Man]

Just be real serious about it get them to go even if you have to pay for it. Where is he living at with her or you?

[Asker]

We live together, not with her. It gets to the point where it starts arguments between us and he tells me to leave every time. We have a daughter together.. absolutely blows my mind.

[Iron_Man]

Leave for good or for a break

[Iron_Man]

He shouldn’t be telling you to leave

[TracyF]

Dump him. You don't want to be his mom. Once she's out of the picture you're the one who's going to take up that role.

[Sarahr123]

Lol a lot of mums baby their sons - especially if it is their only son, first born son and youngest son.

[Jmmmfi4]

Thats fucking weird

[Asker]

I’m SAYIN 😬

[Christoff92]

Mamas boy