This guy and I have mutual friends and started talking because of them. This was roughly a year ago. We really hit it off and would talk all day every day, him initiating. We'd talk about anything and everything and even had similar humor, values, and beliefs. It truly felt like we'd known each other forever. We learned that we had crossed paths numerous times in the past, including our moms being friends and in each other's weddings! My last relationship was abusive, I've been free five years. During the time we were talking I was also dealing with another guy who I learned is toxic/narcissistic and was messing with me. I also lost my bff to cancer. I wasn't at my best. At one point, I asked him what he was looking for. He said to be perfectly honest he wasn't sure, but that he thought friendship was a great start. I panicked. I was scared of being hurt and thought he was friendzoning me. I didn't hear what he was saying. He was also fresh out of a toxic relationship, so I understand his not knowing. I tried to control the situation out of fear, and ended up pushing him away. Just this year I reached out to say hi and wish him well. He accepted my friend request and wished me well, too. He also asked how I've been. The conversation faded after that. I asked if he thought we could rebuild our friendship and he didn't reply. I know what I did, and I feel terrible. He was a genuinely good guy and I hadn't felt that happy in a very long time. Truthfully, that scared me. I guess my question is, did I wreck things? Like, do I just learn from it and forget about it? I've just had this gut feeling to reach out, and it shocked me when he answered. I'm not sure why he quit. I wish I could do it over. We never actually met, which I feel complicates it more. We were about to when I bombed everything. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Is it possible to rebuild a friendship/relationship with a really good guy I messed up with/pushed away?
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You need to take it one step at a time and stop beating yourself up along the way. You’re eager to repair and get the relationship back to what it was before you started pushing him away. I get that. But he may not be as interested in doing so, which only time will tell. If he isn’t interested in pursuing you again and it’s made clear by his disinterest in talking to you, then accept that and leave it alone. I don't know how much you even miss him as a friend as opposed to the potential you saw for a future together.
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The answer is yes to whether you can rebuild. Patience. Thoughtful. Don't be pushy. Be the person they became friends with in the first place. They will be mad. Let them. Be genuinely apologetic.
Sorry, there was a lot of details. 😅 I did genuinely apologize and told him that I realize I tried to control the situation out of fear and could've handled it much better than what I did. He said he appreciated it and asked how I've been. Then the convo faded. I just wish we could talk it out. I feel like it'd be a mistake to walk away. I'm surprised by his coldness since we got on so well, but I also don't blame him.
It may take a lot of time. And that's all you can do.
It's been weeks since my last message. Would it be okay to reach out again, or do I just walk away?
depends on the reasons,
What's that mean? Genuinely asking.
Well i can give a recent example, a women I was friends with decided she was going to start focusing on herself more so when I reach out to facetime, she said she didn't feel like doing it anymore, needless to say it got to the point where we talked less and less, so block her and moved on with my life, month or two later, she reaches out so I gave her a hard time saying stuff like you got the wrong number, long story short she admitted in her own way she was being a shitty friend and we facetimed again and all is forgiven.
Thats what I mean by depends
I mean, I have fully admitted that I handled things wrong and what my mistakes were. He thanked me and said he appreciated me reaching out and he understands. He seemed to be texting enthusiastically but then it stopped. I don't want to reach out if he'd prefer we don't talk. I'm not that way, I don't want to disrespect someone. I'm super intuitive, so I definitely feel a lot. I think it's really unique/odd that we've crossed paths so many times before and got on so well. He was such a respectful guy and I totally understand starting as friends. I like and respect that he's that way, since a lot of men aren't. I came across as a girl who wants an instant boyfriend but that's not at all the case. I was actually surprised how much I liked him as a person and was scared of being hurt. Like it felt too good to be true, if that makes sense. And I didn't understand what he meant by not being sure about what he wanted but that he thought friends was a great start. It made my mind spin and I handled it awful. I miss our conversations, and I miss him. I wish we would've met in person. It was so natural between us that I'd honestly forget we hadn't met in person, not at this point in our lives anyways.