I was in a friendship/benefits situation with someone that lived close to me. We got along quite well, and talked often, and hung out from time to time, and slept together. Things were generally positive. Though it could at times be a confusing relationship, I think things were generaly quite good with her.
The issue is that I was suffering from a slow mental breakdown. I started to react to the stress, anxiety, depression that was compiling on top of me. This led me to become quite self destructive in text, conversation, and eventually in person.
The past month this became even more clear. I started to get paranoid, aggressive, and confrontational. This led to me verbally attacking her (calling her names) in text, and always assuming the worst. Naturally, she was still nice to me, but clearly distant. Eventually my collapse led to me breaking my own property, and nearly getting into a car accident. Clearly my mental health was deteriorating and I thought I could handle it myself, but instead things got worse. One night, I was verbally assaulted by a friend of hers at the bar, and it led to me assuming she played a role. The long story of it is that I accuse her of it, and verbally attacked her on the phone, and then went out and damaged her car. Immediately I regretted the situation, told her what I did, and had her call the police. Naturally all of her friends hated me after this, and one of them is a coworker of mine.
Immediately after the incident, she texted me, and said she just wanted to get things fixed, not go any further legally, return to normalcy, and maybe learn to be friends in the future. Sadly, I was still not well, and was in such a mental state that my mother had to visit to keep my safe from harming myself. I wasn't as responsive as I should have been, and might have been able to resolve things then.
10 days later. I am medicated, working on myself, seeking help, and have redeveloped a good working relationship with her friend. Can I fix this?
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Be careful dealing with those kind of people who may appear good but actually are bad for your mental health. Please let it go because from what you wrote she definitely had a hand in things happening
I do agree, I was often transparent with her for months.
I would ask her what she wanted, if it was just a relationship, sex, friendship
She would usually answer "Nothing, whatever you want" or "I am too drunk for this"
She could be difficult to speak with, and would sometimes only invite me over if it was after a day at the bar.
Once I started trying to hangout at the bar (which isn't my scene), I slowly felt unwelcomed.
Though she told me it was an open invitation, and her friends did as well (and at times invited me to come out when I didn't feel like it).. things felt a bit off to me like I invaded someones space.
Over a few months of that built into my insecurities and paranoid during my mental breakdown, and I tried to have conversations with her about it
She was largely unresponsive.
Though then at times she would be sweet, and nice, and caring.
I knew I got really aggressive and possessive, because I had no one to talk to. I had zero friends.
Oddly enough, she was the one that started the relationship.
I might mention she also lives like 20 feet away from me.
Same apartment complex
and her best friend is a coworker I work with for like an hour each day.
So no matter what, a sense of normalcy is necessary.
It is not like I can ignore her existence.
So something has to happen to bring about comfort for all of us.
It sound like manipulation. You have your own journey to work on and it sounds like you are blaming yourself for what’s happening due to your health. You will soon learn what’s not healthy for you.
Well, now I am going to court, have fees to pay eventually, will lose like 2+ months of my life to court stuff...
im fucked.
No you’re not because this only a lesson. This lesson is part of your healing journey. Maybe years later you will find your true self. You will find what can heal you or take you back. You will also learn what can help you or destroy you.
I hope so.
It will be a struggle
during a time when im already dealing with high stress, anxiety, depression, suicide.. etc.
That is why I reacted in this way, and blew up.
Now, I have to pay the consequences in the most uncomfortable way.
Hopefully if its all over by Summer, I am stronger than ever.
Until then, it will be a constant struggle.
yes by showing her you are calmer and by apologize
It has only been 11 days, but I feel better
I am far more calmer..
hopefully in time?