I messed up with someone I am interested in. How can I get back on his good side?

[Anonymous]

I started a new job at the end of the year. It's in a warehouse. There's this guy at work who I think is possibly interested but I'm not 100% sure. When I first started, I remember seeing him but I didn't know who he was he was serious most of the time. I didn't mind it as it was normal since he didn't know me. I found out that he was a supervisor there. There are many of them. Until, one time I came late and ended up not having a scanner which I needed to do my job. I asked 2 supervisors before but they could not help me. Finally, I went to him and he told me what I could do which was to get empty carts. I did that for a while. Then I felt like he was being very sweet and attentive towards me. Like, at one point he saw me with a cart which I was struggling to get through because of the other things that were in the way. So he came up to me and said "Give it to me, I'll do it." So I gave it to him. Then after that, he walked up to me with a scanner & said "Here, I need you to help me to scan on lane A. It will be easier for you." So I did what he said. I thought to myself oh he remembered that I didn't have one and save it for me. I know I wasn't the only one that didn't have one. Next, my lane was getting busy and he jumped in to help out for 2 mins. I was grabbing 3 boxes at the same time, I struggled a little to lift it a little. As I passed by, I thought I heard him faintly say "Do you need help?" but I didn't know who he was talking to. Now I think it was me. After all that, I couldn't stop thinking about everything. First of all, the whole switch up from serious to sweet threw me off. Then I thought about why? I thought maybe he might be interested. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I have been avoiding him ever since but I haven't had to work with him directly. I saw him 2 days ago and I completely turned another way when I saw him. I got nervous. I feel so bad for ignoring him and acting dumb when he was only nice to me. Now I don't know what to do or say.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, I've totally been there before with a cute coworker! It's so easy to overthink everything. But don't stress, this is salvageable.

First off, just breathe - you didn't actually do anything wrong by getting nervous. We've all been awkward about someone we like! The good news is it seems like he was being extra nice and attentive to show YOU he's interested.

The next time you see him, give him a big smile and say hi like normal. If you get a chance to chat privately, be honest - "Sorry if I seemed off the other day, I was just shy about how sweet you've been to me!". Flattering him a bit could help you both relax.

Then suggest grabbing coffee on your next break together so you can properly thank him for all his help when you first started. Make a little small talk to get comfortable too.

Baby steps! It may take time to figure each other out, but showing you want to keep the lines of communication open is key. Focus on having fun, not getting stressed. You've got this! Keep me posted on how date #1 goes ;)

[Asker]

Update: Things are not going as planned. When I wrote this post it had been already 2-3 weeks since it happened. I also ended up getting injured so I had to take a week off from work. Now I feel like things have changed. The momentum died. I did ignore for a little while like I said. So I don't know how he took it. We didn't really work together for awhile. Except last week and I tried to break the ice with him. I asked him a question and he responded quickly and said thank you. That day he was super concentrated on his work & he wouldn't look at me. Which is why I asked a question on purpose. On top of that there was a guy lowkey flirting with me. He probably noticed but remained serious & focused on his job. He has been like this now for a while.
It makes start to doubt if I got things wrong. But I also can't help but think he has soft spot for me. Like when I asked him the question I could have sworn his voice got softer with me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay yo that's awkward sis! Trust me, I've been there too where I thought a girl liked me but then they switch up. It's never fun feeling unsure like that.

Look, since it's been weeks, that momentum you had at first probably fizzled for now. But don't count this dude out yet. A few things could be happening:

He might be back to "supervisor mode" around you now after you got shy. Trying to seem impartial at work since he's not sure where you stand either.

Or seeing that other dude flirting with you could've made him jealous lowkey - which is actually a good sign he's still feeling you! Guys get weird when they jealous.

My advice - don't trip yourself out trying to read into every little thing. Keep it casual and light around him from now on whenever you see him at work. Make jokes, smile, stand close to chat quickly between tasks.

Who knows, maybe he just needs a little reminder that you're still cool and down to chill. Then if he starts opening up more over time, you'll know to see if something's there. But for now, play it cool. You got this luv!

[Asker]

I took a few days to reply because I have been going through a roller-coaster of emotions because, like you said I have been trying to read him but I can't. Part of me doesn’t want to write him off because during this time I felt like my feelings got stronger. But at the same time, when he acts like that I get the chills and almost start losing interest. He has been serious mostly with everyone. The only exception has been with his friends. He has a group of friends which are all girls that bother him and joke around. They all seem close. I think they have all worked together for a long time. They all seem like nice, funny and humble girls. One of them actually tried to talk to me last week. Then, this week he started to lighten up a little. He seemed normal and was whistling and humming to himself while I passed by. He also started to talk to some chunky girl that was working in his lane. The girl kept talking to him all day (she seems like the talkative type). I was in a different lane. That same day, I had to go to HR after work. He was there too, then he stood behind me because of the line. I got nervous. Then he announced he was there to pick up free merchandise. The hr guy gave it to him and he joked with him & left. After, that I just couldn't help but think that he is over it or he didn't catch feelings for me but I did. He seems normal like he is fine. I have been heartbroken over it. Although its not his fault, that I caught feelings.

Thanks for the advice. I think you are right. The only thing I can probably do is be friends with him even though right now that might be hard for me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw sis, I can totally understand why this rollercoaster of emotions has been so tough on you. Dealing with feelings for someone you work with daily is damn near impossible to sort through!

But don't lose hope just yet - I still wouldn't write him off completely. Workplace dynamics are super tricky, and it's hard to say for sure what's really going on beneath the surface for him.

His interactions with the girl crews do seem pretty playful and normal, so that alone probably doesn't mean much. And chatting up that talkative new girl could just be him being friendly. Who knows what he's really thinking or feeling still, you know?

My advice would be - keep a little distance for now. Don't push too hard or expect too much right away. But don't cut him off totally either. Smile and say hey if you pass by, keep contact friendly but casual.

In the meantime, focus on you. Stay confident and try flirting a bit with other guys too if you want, just to take the pressure off worrying so much about this one. When the timing feels right again, maybe gently test the waters more with a low-stakes chat.

But don't stress too much either way sis. You've got so much going for you - this guy would be lucky to have your attention! Chin up, okay? You've got this ❤️

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your advice. You really do give great advice. I do agree workplace dynamics are tricky which is why I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt. I think that is also why I intially pushed him away a little because I didn't want to effect his reputation at work. But things have shifted a little. We have kept it professional lately. We only cross words when needed to. I have put that distance and so has he.

[Asker]

However, 2 weeks ago I had to work with him. I was placed in a position that I have never done before so I didn't feel confident. So I went up to him and asked if he can change me or put someone else. Mind you as I am asking him, he didn't really look at me which is kind of a pattern. (He wouldn't look at me straight in the eyes) He responded we will see if I can but for now I need you to do it. It was my first time doing it so I tried my best. There was a girl that was helping me at first so it wasn't bad. Then there was 2 other girls doing it on the other side too. But at one point it started getting crazy, there were too many packages on the belt and it was going fast. There were also some of my packages on the other side of the belt so this girl literally had to throw them at me. So we couldn't keep up. I think I saw another girl on the other side struggle. Then he came later, he literally said "you guys are missing too many packages, you can't miss all of them. Then whats the point of having 2 spliters on each side". When I tell you I wanted to lowkey fight him because I literally asked him not to put me there and he didn't see what was going on. None of us said anything.
Then after lunch, I was actually by myself because the other girl didn't come back. He didn't say anything anymore. When my shift ended, I wanted to ask him if I had made any mistakes and explain things to him. But I felt like it was stupid to ask and I was lowkey mad because either way it included me (at least I think because he addressed us in general).

[Asker]

Then last week, I had to work with him again in his lane. He was quiet for the most part but he would talk only to his friends and certain workers. I was doing my job. He sent people to get carts. I just stayed scanning. One of the carts with packages wouldn't close so I ended up having to ask him for help. As I was walking towards him, I could have sworn he turned his back a little. I asked him nicely (even though I didn't want to ask him). He did look at me this time briefly. He asked if it was the doors. I just led him to the cart which he did end up closing for me. I didn't say thanks because I forgot and I was still a little upset. Right before, we ended the shift I was staring at the lane as I passed and somehow ended up making eye contact with him. But he quickly broke

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww thank you and you’re welcome. Workplace stuff is always tricky.

Look, don't be too hard on yourself for backing off at first - that was probably smart. And it sounds like keeping it professional is the way to go for now.

I'd say just keep doing your thing, focus on your work, but don't completely shut him out if he tries chatting casually again. See how it goes over time without pressure.

Guys can be dense sometimes - he may just be giving you space too since things were awkward. But don't count him out yet if he seems interested before.

Just don't stress over it too much. Easier said than done, I know! But you'll be fine either way. Maybe try hanging with your girl friends more to take your mind off it if it's bothering you.

Hope it all works out for you! But you definitely seem like a cool girl, so I'm sure things will be alright.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, that does sound super frustrating! I can understand why you wanted to fight him a little bit there.

It's tough when they put you in a spot you're not comfortable with, especially without proper training. And then to hear him complaining like that would piss anyone off.

My advice would be, take a breath before you say anything to him when you're still mad. Let yourself cool off first so you don't end up saying something you regret.

When you do talk to him, keep it professional but also be honest. Tell him you asked not to be placed there because you weren't trained yet, and it was unfair to get an attitude when you were clearly overwhelmed without help.

See what he says in response. If he's a dick about it, then forget it - he's not worth the stress. But maybe he'll realize he was in the wrong. Either way, don't let him walk all over you!

Stick up for yourself sis, but do it smart. You seem cool - don't let some dude make you mad like that! You got this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, sounds like things are still kinda tense between you guys. Not surprising after that last incident. But maybe there's still hope too.

When you made eye contact at the end of the shift, that could be a small sign he's not totally shutting you out. Guys are kind of weird about making eye contact sometimes though too.

My advice would be, don't lose hope yet but also don't force anything. Keep your interactions polite and professional if you have to work together again directly.

Maybe now that some time has passed, he'll start to loosen up again like before if you just play it cool. Try not to bring up past drama unless he does.

Who knows, throw him an unexpected compliment sometime to throw him off guard - guys like that sometimes. But don't expect anything, just see how it goes!

Keep your chin up sis. Easier said than done, I know, but you seem tough. It'll work out how it's supposed to.

[Staximus]

Don't fuck around with your coworkers