Guys, how would you want a girl to show her interest if she's very shy? What should I, myself, do?

[Jemini_Crocket]

I'm normally pretty friendly and outspoken even with strangers. I'm not really a timid person, but I do become very shy when attracted to someone.

I know why all that happens, it's the crush, but I hate that I can be my usual smiley, playful and friendly little me around most people EXCEPT my crush. How am I supposed to find someone, get him interested and show a little interest myself when I'm like... this? :(

Examples from yesterday:
• After not seeing him for two weeks at the local boxing gym, I can barely speak up and my hi sort of comes out like Ross Geller's "hi..." (in lower voice).
• When he looks at me, I can't take it and I look frantically away.
• I get so nervous around him, I mess up the training... even the most basic stuff!
• He walks around the gym shirtless and I look away instead of looking at him and maybe smiling up at him and/or saying something playful, I do turn away because a part of me makes me not to make my interest too known.

I'm working at my self-esteem but I don't really think this is a self-esteem thing.

How to show interest in him if he makes me act like this in his presence? All guys hate it right?

[Miristheiss]

By doing the opposite of what you are doing.

If you are shy then that means you are probably not going to make a move on him and flirt and ask him out. Then you have to be very friendly and approachable.

If he is not into you then it won't matter but if he is into you or you are someone he hasn't thought about before in that way, doing some subtle things can make him look twice and think "hmmm maybe I should ask her out" or "is she just being polite and friendly or could there be more there?".

You have to be friendly. When you pass him you cannot stare straight ahead and act as if you aren't aware he is alive. You have to look at him in the eye when you pass and smile and say hi. If you know his name you have to smile and act happy to see him and say "Hi Name".

If you are looking at him and he looks your way you cannot glance away quickly. Fight that urge. Get some balls. Quit being afraid he might notice you noticing him and being scared he might think you like him. GOOD. It helps if he wonders about that. If he glances your way when you are looking then, hold eye contact for a second or two and SMILE AT HIM! Maybe even give a little wave.

If you are shy will these things make you nervous or be embarrassed? Probably. Fight it and have the courage to do it anyway. If there is any interest from his end, going these little things will make you seem approachable and give him that little nudge if he is contemplating asking you out.

This is how to encourage guys to approach you.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I know, you're right. I'll try to calm down, be more courageous and grow some balls, but no promises.
I also know I should smile up at him and actually hold the eye contact to create a possibility of him getting the hint. I will try my best the next time I see him. Maybe I was just so surprised to see him yesterday and that fact made me act like a dummy.

My woman senses are tingling though when I see him talking with the receptionist girl, the little **** does smile up at him and they do know each other longer. :/ I really hope there's nothing between them and won't be either.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I don't think I'm unattractive anymore so I do hope that even if he would not be interested in me, he would not get insulted by my interest in him.

[Agent71]

Hi Jemini, being shy can sometimes feel like a curse. I know this all too well. I’m relatively shy and, depending on how much somebody likes someone else, even people who consider themselves outgoing can suddenly feel speechless. I used to walk in the break room at work and force myself to say “Hi” to women (if they were in there by themselves) and some wouldn’t say anything back. They heard me. I knew they did. They were looking right at me. But nothing. I thought there must be something wrong with them (or me). Honestly, it made me feel bad. Like they were doing it on purpose — which was a baseless assumption on my part. Long story short, one or two of them kinda liked me, but they literally got a case of the yips in our brief interactions. Of course, I didn’t know this until way later. And I feel exactly the same way when I’m head over heels for someone. The only advice I can give is try to be mindful of how absurdly complicated and simultaneously wonderful it is to be human. All of these reactions just mean you’re being human. It’s not really a problem. It’s part of the deal. If you’d think it would help, try to remind yourself of this prior to your next opportunity. It sometimes helps me realize how comical life can be. It certainly helps me to relax a little when I do. And just a little might be just the thing you need to move forward. I wish you the best of luck!!

[Pacquet]

I know this feeling. I sometimes get shy or nervous around women I'm attracted to. Just try to be present, take a few deep breaths before approaching them, don't worry about saying anything impressive or witty, just greet them and show interest by asking questions. Focus on what they're saying if you find yourself getting nervous and leave them feeling good about themselves, do this with genuine and specific compliments, make jokes about moments you've shared, find common ground/interests, etc. Hope this helps.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Your comment is one of the very few who didn't downplay it and actually helped me. I do regret the way I acted the last time I was around him. Not sure what I'm gonna ask him, but I'll try to be more myself and just cool. My main reason to be there is boxing not him after all.

[Finchie40]

If you notice him checking you out and notice him making eye contact with you , then he more than likely wants you like you want him , So the best thing for you to do , is just say Hi to him when you see him and then casually try to strike up a conversation with him , just ask him if he can show you some good exercise moves for you to to do work on a target area you want to work on , just make play like you are curious to know , If he has no problem showing you stuff , then that’s your window of opportunity to keep striking up conversation with him , and then start asking questions about his personal life and ask him about what things he likes to do , he will eventually grasp on that you are interested in him and more than likely if he is interested in you , he will ask you out or ask for
Your number , Most guy’s love when a girl comes on to him trust me

[Jemini_Crocket]

That's kind of a problem. I don't think I ever saw him checking me out. :/ I tend to be blind in this matter but maybe like once I caught him looking at me up and down but it made me nervous and in was while training.

He's apparently working on his bachelorette degree, I've heard him talking about it with some of the girls who know him for longer time than I do. I was thinking of asking him how it goes the next time I see him - is that weird? Considering I myself never truly spoke with him about hobbies and such.

What I'm worried about is that I am going to look desperate when I show my interest. It's inevitable. What I'd love to experience is him taking an interest in me but I guess it's just not meant to be. I don't wanna give up but I do feel like that atm.

[Finchie40]

It doesn’t hurt to try , Guy’s are a lot more easier to approach then it is for a guy approaching a girl , So Just casually start a conversation with him and if he is interested in you , he will continue the conversation with you , if not , then that’s your answer that he isn’t interested , so Don’t just assume he isn’t. it doesn’t hurt to try, it’s better to have an answer than no answer at all

[Jemini_Crocket]

I guess but rejection like that hurts bad. Why I just can't read this guy, I can read others usually well.

[Finchie40]

rejection is an answer, as well, so it’s still better than not knowing at all , I use to get nervous of rejection until i realized I have nothing to lose and realized I rather have an answer than no answer at all

[RonanAN]

If he is not flirting with you to begin with?
I'd honestly be ok with any form of approach, as long as it is not pushy/aggressive or acting like I owe her something.

The most common way reserved women have given me the green light was by saying something along the lines of "say, if I was interested, what would you do?".
But that was always after I have already flirted with them and made my own interest pretty clear.

I suppose if you are so shy go with something suggestive that's low pressure.
Something like "I like when guys do that" or "I find it attractive when".
Where you are not saying it out loud that you are interested in him specifically, but he should catch your drift.

[Jemini_Crocket]

He is a nice dude, he does help and he's gentle with girls unlike other dudes when boxing/sparring so I'm not really sure if he was ever being flirty with me or just nice to me.
He's touched me on the shoulder when walking past me, probably a supportive touch because I saw him do that to the new girl as well when he was showing the basic steps.

I guess there's just no chance of him being interested in me otherwise he'd be more up front.

[RonanAN]

Not necessarily, I wouldn't hit on women at the gym either, I don't think it's the best place for it.
I'm guessing he is just another member, not an employee there, correct?

[Jemini_Crocket]

This is a different kind of gym. It's focused on box and Muay Thai. We both do the Muay Thai but he's a pro, I'm still a beginner. It's family business gym and the people who go there are like distant relatives and he's like a relative because he has known them for some years now and he's also a trainer, not just a pro fighter.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Actually you're fine as is. If a woman is not nervous when approaching/talking to a guy she likes, then either she doesn't actually like him, or she already knows he likes her back.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I do think that as well, hell I know it's true. If I'm comfortable around a guy or when I don't really care what a guy thinks of me, I don't see him as a potentional romantic partner. I care too much, that's my problem.

[exitseven]

Let yourself off the hook a little. It is normal. The next time you are at the gym ask this guy how his workouts are going. You can talk about something that you both have in common. I used to think that girls at the gym were cool. He will think so too. You got this.

[Anonymous]

This isn't easy to answer because some guys need you to be more obvious then others. But odds are if you're attracted to him he's an attractive man. Which means he's used to women coming onto him. Which means you're not going to have to do much to let him know you're interested him. What's going to be the determinant is whether or not he's attracted to you and think you're worth his time. This is the double edged sword of the big game.

[boggboss]

Unless u get lucky and he knows how u feels and puts all the work in nothing will ever happen whilst u have bo confidence

[Guanfei]

Attention and compliments. But only if it's genuine, do not fake it.
Men are simple, and often we don't get any compliment or attention, so it's a great thing for us.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I can't make out a simple and easy on the ears normal sentence when talking to him face to face... So I guess I just gotta get rid of having a crush, somehow.

[Guanfei]

Or you could work on yourself and get what you want.
You know, I'm someone who has absolutely no confidence. Not even a bit. To the point I can't literally shut down and walk away when something doesn't go according to what I planned.
So when I need to show confidence... I simply fake it. I plan in advance what to say, for every possible situation, and just spit it out when I need it. That way, I don't need confidence, just learning the right words. Like a robot.
Try that. Plan what to say before seeing him, then spit it out. Once you've started the conversation, it will come more naturally and you won't need to use pre-planned stuff.

[lildkman1090]

Take your time get to know someone why rust everyone is always in a hurry why?

[femalepretzelmaker]

You won't find the right one unless you be yourself

[Jemini_Crocket]

But being shy is also a part of me, it's confusing.

[femalepretzelmaker]

Nothing wrong with being shy its just part of who you are.
Don't hate being shy love it.
If you hate it so will everyone else

[LiamJHayden]

Smile and make it clear she is single. I'll do the rest if I am interested.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that you're shy. Don't do anything when you're shy, it always comes out awkward. I honestly don't know what to tell you besides listen to your instincts.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Then there's no help I guess.

[Opinion Owner]

I'd recommend some books on seduction but they require a serious time investment to understand and change your perspective... the one piece of advice I can give is be confident. Do this by changing your mental state. Focus on the world, get out of your head. It might help to meditate in the morning and allow your doubts and insecurities to bubble up. While you meditate, try to focus on what you are good at and how it makes you feel. That's called the flow state and that alone will make you incredibly confident.

[Opinion Owner]

And remain open. If you experience doubt it's for good reason. It means your mind is saying "no.. don't do that. Open back up. Don't do something pre-planned and awkward." When you experience any doubt (the opposite of confidence) recognize it as your mind asking for more freedom of thought.

[BLP11520]

Shyness is not bad. Walk up and say hi for a first step tell him your name

[Jemini_Crocket]

He does know my name, we train, well he trains me. He actually gets sometimes worked up over me not remembering things, but I try my best at the box.
I just don't know how to act cool around him.

[BLP11520]

Be yourself

[Monalisa77]

Im the same lol! Its pathetic right!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Hey, how you doing? It's not that hard.

[Jemini_Crocket]

It would probably not escalate anywhere.

[Briscole]

It's easy as pie!

[jahaims]

Come up to me and say she is shy and interested.