How do I get out of the “meet me any Thursday”arrangement mess I made without alienating the guy I originally asked out?

[VIVANT]

So I don't know if he is interested but disorganized or uninterested or whatever but I can’t handle him apologizing to me once a week for who knows how long every time “ he can’t make it” 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s the most stressful thing someone apologizing for something they have no need to apologize for but I’m told I have to accept it. anyhow it’s all so artificial and I just don’t like the assumption that just go onto him feeling sorry. What can I do that’s life 🤷🏻‍♀️

… and what if I meet another guy there and one day this guy shows up bc I did say ANY Thursday, I’ll be mortified. He will just think “ oh! I bet you I bring ALL THE BOYS to your fountain!!! Lol for real it’s just that’s my say off and I’m relaxed after I swim so it’s a nice time to get to know someone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s all there is to it. It’s not a lair lol

I don’t want to say hey you nvm bc I did say any Thursday is ok at the sane time I do think there should be a tine limit. Maybe one month 🤔 lol I should’ve said the first Thursday of every month. That way I could have 4 guys a month without traffic jam 😅. I’m JOKING 🙃

I think to make it casual but unambiguous “this Thursday or next Thursday @ 8 pm”. That way we’d be done by now & no pressure is left. He could always ask me out after it’s no big deal. I definitely made it a bit too casual, it’s not good for anyone 😬

I will tell him I’m still ok with any Thursday but he seems overloaded (bc he keeps saying so) & just let me know if he wants to meet up On a Thursday. That way we are both free from the spectre of expectations 👻

When I asked initially, I wasn’t Interested in dating I just wanted to try hanging out so I couldn’t imagine complications, but I’m seeing how disruptive this plan is potentially.

To reiterate: I’m NOT asking how to make him like me or meet me or if he likes me or to get him to DO anything at all… I’m asking how to get out of this mess bc it’s stressful 🙏🏼

internet obviously 🤣

tell him you realized this is a bit complicated & it’s easier for him to let you know if he wants to hang out still same day same time.

Leave it. If he shows up he shows up meanwhile, in a while it’s ok to meet up with other guys at the same spot.

Other.

Updates

1 y

Ok soooo I feel almost bad having to ruin this question now 😂

He was in his way to work whilst I was in my tree at the library where I go after work. He hopped onto my branch like a monkey 🙉 and told me sat facing me and said he was worried I thought he wasn’t Interested. Truth be told Thursdays are rough bc he teaches works as grades all in one. He agreed bc he did not want me to think he was indifferent & thought he could try. He said it’s tight but he can try & promised not to apologize…

Updates

1 y

… if he can’t make it but he WILL feel bad 😂

He took my hand while he said that I almost passed out 🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s an unfair advantage to touch me at all bc my skin is super sensitive 👀

Now I’m low key nervous I kinda like him 😬 I didn’t really care before- was just curious. Him being open honest direct clear & KIND. It got to me. GUYS if you care what I think it’s 💯 attractive ☝🏼

Anyhow we’re going to try ONE more time- then his pick of day, if Thursday doesn’t work ✔️

[Lliam]

"4 guys a month without traffic jam" ROFL That was a good one, Vivant. 🤣🤣🤣

I'm thinking that if I was in a similar situation, I probably wouldn't do anything. Of course it's like me to go the easy route.

But you can't wait around for him to maybe show up. That spot isn't 'reserved' for him whenever he 'has the time' to show up.
So just live your life.

The idea of meeting at the fountain is a good one.

If you were talking to someone else by the fountain on Thurs at 8:00 and the guy showed up, so what? He might think you are in demand. Seeing you talking to another guy might spark some jealously and make him realize that he screwed up and needs to be pro-active. He needs to set his priorities.

My wife says that you need to be very specific with guys. They're not good at taking hints. You tried this tack and realized the error in leaving it open ended. Live and learn.

I don't know how you can fix the error by explaining to the guy. When he apologizes for not meeting you, there is a point where you just act like "Whatever. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for you."

If he's not showing up, maybe he's not that interested. Maybe he's interested but too nervous and awkward. Who knows.

If you sorta like him, maybe you need to put him on the spot and ask him on which Thursday he wants to meet. Say that you're not there 'every' Thursday. See if he will commit. And if he doesn't show up on that day, it's like getting stood up and it's time to forget about him

In the meantime, if you want to meet anyone else after your swim, go for it.

[VIVANT]

I understand tho I really didn’t want to put him on the spot nor make him jealous and I wasn’t giving Biggs I really meant what I said.

honestly I can barely handle being into one guy jet alone more… the ambiguity kind of appears to me bc it makes me feel like not I g really matters too much everyone has gone to dirt themselves out. It’s not the best form of marketing I get that but I was I am more into keeping things calm for myseif and I take kind of a long time to decompress after asking someone out or being ashes out I honestly wouldn’t have minded if it took a month. I just didn’t like him apologizing I honestly was 💯 I bothered by him not showing bc I really meant it when I said any Thursday is ok, tho of course I didn’t really think it through like if I do meet someone else. But I so rarely am into anyone I just didn’t worry about it but yeah I’m not doing this again. I’ll make it like two weeks from now bc it gives me time to chill but I’ll choose a definite day 😊

Hmm if things go ok whenever we meet up and if we both want to meet up again, is it ok to say it for not the next week but week after? He’s pretty just so I hope he won’t take it as non interest just the very next week is s bit close for me. I know when you like someone you want to see them again and I do but I like to look forward to it a bit rather than have it hit me on the head so soon. I don't know I seem to require more down time than most. Less is a lot for me.

[Lliam]

I can understand where you're coming from. I think it is sweet and charming.
Stick with your gut. Do what works for you;. :-)

At the same time, don't be too hesitant with this guy. He sounds like a good one.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I think a 2-week interval is perfectly fine. Take your time! :)

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[WindAtMyBack]

It looks like this has worked itself out, at least partly.

He actually climbed the tree and sat on the branch with you? Well that's certainly a good sign. What kind of tree is it? What's it's name?

Anyway, I'll sort of answer this and your other question. I think you are over thinking it and making it too complicated. "Meet me any Thursday" isn't ideal. Try to make solid arrangements that are convenient for both of you. It sounds like you still haven't made solid plans. Just tell him this open ended thing doesn't seem to be working, so you guys need to set a solid date and time.

"It’s an unfair advantage to touch me"

LoL So what will you do if he goes for a kiss? I suggest that you don't do that in a tree because you might get giddy and fall out. :)

[VIVANT]

Yeah I’m going to have to ween myself off of extra loose planning. It’s kind of my comfort zone ehy h is odd considering I hate ambiguity generally.

Yeah what do I do if he tetra to kiss me I was thinking of putting that off for a while - assuming things go well etc etc- I need a graceful way of declining “ for now”

Yeah the tree placement Honestly it was adorable in a brown adult kind of way. I never named it lol but you’re right! I should 😅

[WindAtMyBack]

Your tree needs a name.

How about 'Koda' ?
It's pronounced like it looks ( like 'code' and duh). It means 'friend' in Dakota Sioux.

Dakota with a D and Lakota with an L are different dialects of the Sioux language. Lakota is what they spoke in the Dances With Wolves movie. It's a dying language with about 2000 speakers. There is also Nakota with an N which is another dialect, but very rare - it might be a dead language.

[VIVANT]

You know I know that 😅 I’ll tell you why in dm not here 😊😊

[VIVANT]

But you’re correct we must name it tho koda is taken 😌

[WindAtMyBack]

That doesn't surprise me. The site I got the name from was familiar.

[VIVANT]

😁😁👍🏼

[Pinay_ako]

Tell him to let you know when he can make it. If he doesn’t, don’t hold your breath, V. You’re too pretty to sit around waiting for him… 💋

[VIVANT]

😂

thank you but read the update 😅☺️

[Pinay_ako]

I will read now 😂 I’m at work rn 😂

[VIVANT]

😂 read after work pin!! I don’t want to fat you in trouble 🙏🏼💜

[Pinay_ako]

🤣 I’m a ninja 🥷. They can’t see me on gag 🤣

[OlderAndWiser]

So you don't really need answers now. That's okay!

[VIVANT]

Thank you for showing up!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼 I’m sure your advice would be stellar 💜

[OlderAndWiser]

I always appreciate your kind words!

[VIVANT]

The regard is mutual ☺️

[Part2603]

LOLOLOLOLOL

I was pressing x to doubt this whole time. Especially in the original post.

But it seems that love will find a way!

Get it girl!

by the way, to answer your original question: "How do I 'get out' of an standing invitation like this?"

You just rescind your invitation. You can do it in person, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know, I rescind the invitation." And he might ask clarifying questions, and then you can be honest or playful, whatever. Actually I'd suggest that you do it via text message. Text message is super useful to sort of play to the female frame of game, that sort of ambiguous state. "Never mind about Thursdays". And then he'd freak out and blow up your phone and you leave him on read for a while.

As a woman it's perfectly within your right to sort of nudge and change parameters of what you want a little bit. Obviously, that wasn't a standing invitation that would extend for years, so a cute little update that communicates your exasperation (without giving away the whole game that you're totally into him) is perfectly reasonable.

Women are beguiling. Less is more. But you already knew that right?

Look at me mansplaining game to you, this cute little expert maneuver. You NAILED IT. You played it perfectly it seems, keeping your dignity and eliciting an exciting feeling reveal from this guy that seemed pretty closed off and aloof.

That must feel awesome. You are awesome. Kudos.

[Havthrills]

Did you get his number this time? Also, why not some other day if he's busy on Thursdays? Make a day when it's convenient for you both. Just because you're more relaxed on Thursday, doesn't mean it's the best day. Think of what works for both of you. Sounds like he really is interested then.

[VIVANT]

It’s my only day off I have to squeeze him in the way he’d have to do in Thursday’s for me so we’re going to I alternate

No I didn’t we didn’t know each other well enough that’s for later for me I didn’t trade contact info easily

[VIVANT]

Yeah so far he seems very honest which is great we’ll see how it goes lolol

[Havthrills]

Honesty is the best. I'm totally open and honest, maybe too open. Lol. I also don't give out my info that easy. So far, 4 people at work have my number: 2 supervisors, 1 guy I talk to often, and 1 girl that ghosts me. Lol

[VIVANT]

👍🏼👍🏼

Oh 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lol ditch the Thursday make a freaking day free for yourself some how and allign with guys schedule discuss this at library and both agree then meet if he can't make it after committing then you can move on and bring other guy to fountain of he sees good he will know to keep his word next time haha

[VIVANT]

Too much discussing details when he already may not be into it 🤔 I want something I can just say without making myself vulnerable 😂

[VIVANT]

Thursday IS THE ONLY GOOD DAY

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Huh? Don't assume lol

Lol Thursday is not good for you to get a day off it's your life you can spare a day for yourself can't you now?

[Jamie05rhs]

"It's not a lair.". 😂🤣

Also, didn't we already have this discussion previously? Lol
https://www. girlsaskguys. com/guys-behavior/q4890053-i-asked-someone-out-rather-then-a-plan-i-suggested-he-meet-me-after? utm_source=dynamic&utm_medium=androidapp&utm_campaign=question&utm_content=q4890053

[VIVANT]

I do not remember but it’s my go to for sure 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Lol. Which thing is your go-to? I'm confused lol. Do you mean the fountain?

[VIVANT]

Yes the fountain 😊😊

[VIVANT]

Thursday is my day off I swim from 12-8 I’m resized on Thursday’s @ 8 like no other no time abs I always go straight to the fountain so the fountain is like a sanctuary full of serenity and peace

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: Update:
AWWWWWWW!! This is so romantic! I love it! 😍
This is awesome, @VIVANT!! 🎉

[VIVANT]

I’m waiting to find out he has three wives back home or something lol so far there’s no drama 😄

I don’t believe it 🙉🙉🙉👀

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT So far so good! 👍

Oh lol. Is he from another country?

[VIVANT]

We both have gemologist from Ukraine but I don’t think I ashes if he was born here. Goid question! Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Oh, nice!

[Jamie05rhs]

And thanks lol.

[ZackBan]

Just text and make solid plans.
"Meet me any Thursday" is a soft commitment.
You need hard plans beofre actually meeting it's actually very normal

[VIVANT]

Is it ACTUALLY 😛

[ZackBan]

Actually yes 😃

[VIVANT]

😂

ohh ok then!! 👍🏼

[Anonymous]

Here's a crazy thought. Be completely honest and say what you just said here. I mean, let him in to your head or don't but if you don't you better expect for him to draw his OWN conclusions, for better or worse.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I find this to be very true. Sometimes it doesn’t work but in that case the person h
As to be very set on not understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said VIVANT all you can do is your best. Misunderstanding WILL HAPPEN. Even in the best of relationships. All you can do is be as honest and transparent as possible.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I agree it’s weird bc I’m most comfortable being transparent but bc I never know if it’s going to be misinterpreted end up falling shut. Tho I don't know maybe that’s why a lot of people are no t upfront 🤔 so maybe this is common. Looks like another post is invoking 😂

🙏🏼

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

tell him you realized this is a bit complicated & it’s easier for him to let you know if he wants to hang out still same day same time.

[VIVANT]

Thanks good guy 😊

[Anonymous]

Stupid skin!

Always getting in the way of being a crazy person.

You should grow fur like a real monkey, that'll teach him.

[VIVANT]

Exactly!! 😂

[msc545]

Just tel him he doesn't need to apologize. If he keeps doing that after you tell him consider it a red flag.

[VIVANT]

It’s sorted 😊 re: update

[msc545]

Excellent! I hope this works out well for both of you!

[VIVANT]

Thank you! I can’t believe he is actually a normal person !! 😂

[msc545]

Very unusual!

[TallAnon]

Next time it happens, tell him to let you know when he it fits for him. Perhaps nothing happens, but at least the ball is in his court.

[VIVANT]

We sorted it! Basically a combo of my poem snd what you said 😊

[TallAnon]

Glad it worked out 😊

[VIVANT]

Thanks!!

[xJayleenx]

Awww good luck he seems sweet. I voted option A by the way

[VIVANT]

Thank you Jay 🙉💜

[Juxtapose]

Cut to the chase and be simple and direct. Don't sugarcoat what you want, just get straight to the point with him.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

It’s simple & if you want to get out of meeting him on Thursday meet him on Friday instead.

[RealMarek]

Sounds like that worked out well!

[VIVANT]

So far haha we’ll see !!

[es20490446e]

Make a definitive date.

[VIVANT]

👍🏼👍🏼 Good idea 😊

[es20490446e]

Good luck 🦀

[pizzalovershouse]

So trying to dumo him nicely

[VIVANT]

I’m glad he said something before I tried to “fix” the situation 🤦🏻‍♀️

[pizzalovershouse]

Very true

[VIVANT]

😊😊

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

Why can't you meet any Thursday?

[VIVANT]

I can it just got weird bc every tine he didn’t die up he apologizes why h was kinda stressful.

But it’s sorted now. He can’t bc his Thursday’s are busy. So we’ll alternate. 😊

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

Uhhh, ok

[Debbie14217]

wow no idea sorry