How do I grow the strength to end my 4 year long relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years. In the beginning things were great and he was super sweet and showed he cared, but I feel like the past year or two has been different. I try to communicate about things and he gets annoyed and doesn’t want to talk. We talk on the phone a lot and do watch movies together here and there, but I feel like he cares more about his friends and games more than me. I truly do love him because we both have helped each other a lot, but I feel like things are different then they used to be. I feel like I’m just tired of being the only one to really try. Please any advice is appreciated

[ohsheeT]

Look back at a few of the questions I just answered when one person stops growing and the other person keeps motivated and keeps wanting to go forward there's really no saving it if you read back on some of my questions you will see my answers the other thing is you don't have to grow strength you already have it within you already know what you need to do you just have to do it it's going to be a bitch it's going to be hard it's going to hurt but you're making a point on who you want to be and who you are if he wants to grow up and become better person and keep growing with you instead of being in that rut and being a vegetable on the couch and not showing his love anymore he will follow you if he wants to change he will follow you he will work on himself and make himself better if he really loves you if he doesn't then he's just going to sit on his butt and keep doing what he's doing call you all kinds of names because he's right you're wrong and he will never go any place doing that but if you walk away then he has to make a choice remains where he's at in life or keep growing I commend you for seeing what the problem is and being mature enough to keep going forward you're not doing anything wrong you're thinking you're going to break his heart you don't want to do that I understand that but he's breaking your heart right now and he doesn't even think about it at least you're thinking about it the right thing to do would be to walk away you never know what's going to happen he might wake up and become even better than he is or was and keep growing keep being motivated keep making you happy but right now he's not going to do that and I understand you I understand what you're going through you need to just do it I call it taking the pain you need to just take the pain because it will go away you know that tell him how you feel telling me you're sorry tell him you apologize whatever you got to do but don't let anybody ever hold you back your post says you have confidence your post says you are smart you are tired of not being happy when you are a happy person and it's holding you back don't let nothing hold you back

[Anonymous]

First you have to decide if ending the relationship is really what you want, or if there's just things about it you'd like to change.
So many people, especially women, jump straight to breaking up, then end up coming back to it, because they never really wanted it to end in the first place.

Then if you decide that's what you really want, simply tell him in the most respectful way possible that this isn't working for you anymore and you think it's best you go your separate ways.
Don't point fingers and shout accusations, just leave all that stuff behind you

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, and with any break up or argument, avoid "You" statements, and stick to "I" statements.
So instead of "YOU never listen to me", say "I feel unheard"

[Asker]

Thank you so much! Very helpful c:

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. You're welcome

[Anonymous]

I don’t really agree with the other comments about ignoring him and waiting for him to come back or about playing games. Guys aren’t good at signals so he won’t know what he did wrong and just he confused. Communication is key. First, you need to ask him to sit down with you and tell him directly what you said here and all your grievances AND how you feel in a clear but non confrontational way. Either way clearly express your feelings. Let him respond and express his feelings too. Then you can gauge whether you wanna keep trying or not but it isn’t fair to expect change without telling him first especially for guys

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! I agree. I definitely wouldn’t play games with him and I will try to communicate once more with him. I can’t really sit down irl with him since we are long distance but I’ll give my best. He usually get more mad when I try to talk things out.

[Simslover92]

Tell him you have reached your breaking point then and are heading out the door if he doesn't try to communicate with you and try to repair the relationship. If that doesn't seem to work either then you have no choice but to really leave.

[mikan_galena]

100% agree. OP needs to make it clear that she *feels* like there is an unbalance in x y z. If he doesn’t take the steps to fix this and sticks to it, then it’s time to let go.

Someone can be great in all aspects except one. But if that one thing makes you feel like shit, it’s not worth it.

[Simslover92]

Yep exactly!

[Asker]

Thank you both for the advice 🥺💗 I have made it clear multiple times, I guess it’s just hard for me to give up and hurt him.

[Simslover92]

You're so welcome! And I know hun. It's definitely not going to be easy but I do hope everything works out!

[Asker]

I really appreciate it!

[mikan_galena]

Hurt may be inevitable in this case, but you can mitigate it ♥️
(But don’t give him hope for getting back together anytime soon. That just draws out the break up and makes it hurt for longer)

[JSmuve]

"I try to communicate about things and he gets annoyed and doesn’t want to talk"

Communicate how? Like nagging him? He probably just needs his space and your attempts to "communicate" are likely just getting in the way of that.

[Asker]

You just assume I nag at him? 🙄

[Asker]

We are in a long distance relationship and communicating is the biggest thing. When he’s upset/mad I give him space but eventually try to talk it out and figure out what iv even done wrong. He simply doesn’t know how to communicate and I wouldn’t say me asking him what’s wrong is nagging

[JSmuve]

Well nagging is a form of communication.

[Twalli]

He probably tried when you didn't and gave up when his trying didn't work. You should talk and discuss what you both want and need from your relationship. Ask him what he's looking for in a relationship. If he says you, ask for what specific things he likes about you in regards to your relationship. For example: one thing that I like specifically about my girlfriend (nonsexually) is that we share a similar sense of humor and she usually seems happy when we're together.

[rienna888]

Give him space, don’t talk to him till he talks to you. Once he gets the feeling that somethings wrong he will try and fix it. As he’s not listening to your concerns right now.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice 💗

[es20490446e]

It looks like something solvable to me. Maybe attend couple therapy for a while.

[Asker]

We are currently in a long distance relationship so going to that I don’t think is possible.

[es20490446e]

So the long distance is probably the main problem.

[Asker]

I mean it could be, but we haven’t had the chance to move to each other.

[es20490446e]

Why?

[Asker]

A money issue and plus family. In the beginning he mentioned he would come her first but he just hasn’t.

[es20490446e]

So you don't perceive effort on his side, do you?

[Anonymous]

If you made every attempt to get him to open up and its failed, then what's the use remaining with him?

[Asker]

Because there are good things about him and I just really don’t want to ever hurt him

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he needs to feel some hurt.

[rienna888]

This man’s right