4 year relationship advice breakup?

[Anonymous]

I’m no angel I react to the disrespect and I swear and can call names when I’m upset and angry. I have tolerated a lot of terrible behaviour from her and do not feel loved or listened to. Despite me knowing she does care and love me when I ask she doesn’t show me she does. I’ve just tolerated a lot to the point of being arrested 2 times even… no convictions or charges because I genuinely didn’t do anything. She oversteps my boundaries, breaks my trust, betrays me by talking about me behind my back to strangers, family, friends and victimises herself. I feel like she uses my reactions as an excuse for her behaviour. I finally have walked away because I could not take any more disrespect and the trust is completely gone at this point. I’ve tried to calmly express my feelings and side of things but it goes unheard. Any communication or talking about me doesn’t feel like it matters or it’s minimalist in her head. Any talk about why I feel upset leads to an argument because she can’t communicate with me or be mature or understanding. On our first date she kissed a girl. I told her I don’t want anyone staying in our bed when I’m gone. So I sent her money to go out with her friends from work and she ignored me for 8 hrs not even an I’m ok and I’ll be home soon message. So this night in particular. She got home and she sent me a video of her in bed with a girl. Which she said nothing about and had not texted me in several hrs. I was awake after work when I received this. She then aired me and went back to sleep after sending the video. It was the girl saying “don’t worry I’m not going to shag your girlfriend” do you think this is me over reacting or her just continuously pushing my boundaries and not giving a shit about how I feel? this is one example of a hundred I could list. Any advice would be appreciated thanks.

[SueShe]

Now that we heard your side of the story, it would be interesting to hear the side of your girlfriend. She may have a totally different story to tell us and you may not come out as clean as you pretend. Remember that it always takes 2 to get into a fight or to have issues in a relationship.

If your girlfriend is so bad as you depict her, why did you not leave her long ago? You are just as responsible as she is for not having acted upon it and severed this more than just toxic relationship.

By not acting, you simply show that you are too comfortable in that situation and that you much rather prefer those disagreements rather than to sever this relationship that will not lead anywhere.

You let yourself be manipulated if what you say is true. Be a man and move out. This is not love, this is convenience.

[Asker]

She has had no problem telling everyone her side. I have held it in for so long because I believe a relationship is between two people. As I said it takes two to tango and I’m no angel and we all have are flaws and I definitely could react better to situations. I respect your opinion and maybe it is convenience and comfort thank you for your reply!

[StarWarGirl]

It's your illusion that she loves you or she care. If she really did you had felt that, you two had talked about it together and you never had any need to ask us for any kind of advice here.

What is love if it's not respect for each other? What is love if we makes our partners look bad in others eyes instead of standing together with them on same side even if they are wrong?

You are here asking questions about saving your relationship means this relationship is important to you. Does she also care about it? Does she try or put efforts also?

Open your eyes. See clearly. It's not love. It's not care.

Only advice I have for you to just don't waste your energy and just break up as soon as possible.

Find someone who respects you who value the relationship as you do and make efforts.

[_Maya_]

This is all I needed to mm read.

"I’m no angel I react to the disrespect and I swear and can call names when I’m upset and angry. I have tolerated a lot of terrible behaviour"

This is not a relationship that will work out. It is also one that I fear is over whether you want to admit it or not. I have been in a similar situation. Although mine was not emotionally abusive as yours seems to be. My best advice is to get out of this because it will not get better and you will be happy and more better off doing so. I wish you the very best

[Nikki1989]

She uses your reactions as an excuse for her behavior, which is a classic tactic of emotional manipulation, she then victimizes herself to deflect responsibility and avoid accountability. You will be much better off once you have moved on and put this behind you.