Need guy help? What should I do?

[kylee2437]

So I’m now in a dilemma. I’ve been talking to this guy for two months. Meanwhile we have been talking, I feel like he wants a relationship but my mindset still isn’t set on one with him. He’s very loyal and very caring but has flaws to him. He has an average job but doesn’t show signs of wanting to build a better job. (I make way more than him) on top of the fact that he’s 30 , still lives with parents. His parents aren’t the cleanest , he lives in a messy house. He also smokes a lot of weed and seems to be around friends a lot. I’m trying to like him because in the long run I see a very loyal open relationship


But my crush just got into contact with me. It was someone I liked back in February but he ended up rejecting me because he had stuff on his side going on (not very loyal) I feel like me and him have a lot more in common and I felt so connected with him. He’s 24, lives with parents but I absolutely loved his parents. He bought flowers for me on our second date. He has a decent job , is into fitness like I am, and is into similar stuff as me.

I have a feeling I’m going to start seeing my crush again and completely break the first guys heart. I don’t know what to do. The first guy wants a relationship but I’m just not there with him because I see flaws that may interfere with our relationship even though he would be loyal. Help?

Updates

+1 y

Forgot to add I do find my crush more attractive … but again loyalty has been kind of something that sticks in the back of my mind more.

[DaveJord]

I don't understand the dilemma here?

They both sound like terrible choices. But if you are attracted to the crush then go have fun with him... just don't get to emotionally attached to him, because he sounds like he will hurt your feelings. But have fun with it for as long as it is fun, the second it is not fun walk away.

[linka_pat307]

There is this saying "accept someone who loves you and not the one you love" in your case the guy who loves has flaws you hate the fact he is staying with his parents, no matter how much you try to change him he won't

And second guy, I don't whether you should be in relationship with him but he seems to in good shape, with a job and have good personality is good, you can just tell him you fear yo he with him because he isn't loyal and am sure he will change because he only has one flaws you hate

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't want either of them. One used to be a fckboy and likely still is. And the other doesn't seem to care to progress in life although he's pretty old now PLUS he smokes PLUS he is always around friends. Meh. And you already know you dont want to date him so hurry and set him free

[DizzyDesii]

Number one is your backburner guy. Set him free. You’ve only kept him around until you found someone you truly liked

[SnowedIn]

^^^^^ THIS!!!

[SnowedIn]

Both sound bad for you. I'm sorry to say that. Seems like you like them both.

One is a druggie and a slob and doesn't sound inclined to change.

The other is disloyal.

Those are giant red flags accompanied by flashing red lights and blaring sirens.

You deserve a better guy. Yes, everyone has flaws. But those two flaws are very close to non-negotiable.

[BarryLiverstone]

Be honest. Tell the weed smoker you just wanna be friends and you can help him in life. Doubt your crush is right for you either but be single and start the process of finding your SO.


I also value loyalty but you are being dishonest to stay with a guy you are not into.

[kylee2437]

So it’s not that I’m not into him, I just see a lot of flaws that may or may not unravel by the time I get to know him more. We only have known each other for 2 months. When I originally messaged him I had intent to be friends. Me and him have kissed , a lot but I have never went out of my way to really define something with him at the moment, nor have I slept with him.

[BarryLiverstone]

You haven’t gone further sexually because you are still hoping your crush wants you. It’s not fair to the current guy who may be putting more of his heart on the line.

At least let him know you are not fully ready for a relationship and maybe after the summer you will be in a better place

[kylee2437]

I actually had no intent of my crush coming back into my life. The reason why I’m waiting for sex is because in the past, I’ve given sex up too quickly and it resulted in a man that only wanted sex and didn’t see me as a value.

I did let him know I’m not ready for a relationship. He asked me out 3 weeks ago and I said no. I get what you are saying though.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks and I agree that in your actions you didn’t have sex with either. But you probably understand your desire is still with your crush. Too bad you are with a guy who is a friend but it’s not you late to tell him

[Anonymous]

Let me help you out here because all of this is going to resolve itself whether you do it or not, trust me.

Dump the first guy. Trust me, you're doing him a favor. Clearly you want to be with the second guy. Now, come back and talk to us after guy number 2 dumps you. Because that is what is coming next. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. But then we can get to your real problem and why this going to keep happening.

Good luck!

[kylee2437]

I mean would I be doing myself a favor by keeping number one out of my life though?

[LazerBean]

The first one is Def not husband material. I don't know about the second one, but the first definitely needs to go.

[kylee2437]

Yeah I’m just stuck on his overall loyalty. Like he’s such a loyal person and I just see a very easy going relationship with him, I’m just overall nervous with the way he carry’s himself. He’s always with friends, he smokes a lot of weed. I haven’t slept with either guy thankfully so it’s just open opportunity to decide what I really want

[kylee2437]

Plus I had no intent to like the current guy I’m seeing. I wanted to be friends with him, but it’s so hard to find a guy that truly just wants to be friends. Ugh

[LazerBean]

Being loyal is just a bare minimum requirement, but so is being clean. Living with a dirty man is going to inevitably put a strain on your relationship

[kylee2437]

Oh I agree 100% . It’s his parents but what bothers me is his age and he seems comfortable living with his parents. That’s the one thing giving me the ick about him tbh

[dudeinohio]

I'd say neither is a good fit for you. The drug abuse is a huge red flag for the first one and the lack of loyalty the big red flag on the second. Plus, you really don't seem so keen on either, really.

[kylee2437]

I do like both, but I did want to mention their flaws. I know for a fact no one is perfect but down the line I will need to accept someone’s flaws

[richardcory]

All I can suggest is that when you break up with someone, do in nicely, but cleanly. Don't leave open the possibility it will work later.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Fuckboys and weed smokers, bad choices either way.

[kylee2437]

Well the fuck boy is automatically out, he’s continuing his ways. At least the weed smoker is putting effort into me

[DextroShade]

You can't find a guy who doesn't live with his parents?

[kylee2437]

The state that I live in is expensive and the market sucks. I’d rather someone live with their parents than live alone and be financially struggling, that’s not an accomplishment

[Tstrbrainer]

In the long run you see a very loyal "Open" relationship? 🤔

[kylee2437]

Yes as in a relationship that feels secure in a sense of personality and comfort. Were you expecting a different answer?

[Tstrbrainer]

I thought open relationships meant something else

[kylee2437]

The term open can be used in many contexts, just like you OPEN doors

[Tstrbrainer]

Open means removing barriers, right?

[kylee2437]

Why comment if you aren’t going to answer the actual question?

[Tstrbrainer]

Obviously your crush, but what makes you think he's not loyal?

[kylee2437]

He kind of ghosted but rejected me after talking to me for 2 months. It was kind of an inconsistent situation , with lots of holes. And I get why things kind of fell through. He had stuff going on , on his side. If me and him meet up, I won’t just openly jump in his arms though. It would be a thing where like we just hang and I’ll see what the intentions are

[Tstrbrainer]

Maybe just see where it goes with your crush. Gl