This girl I liked, got mad at me for lying. How do I get her to talk to me again?

[Anonymous]

I lied about dating her/liking her to people. When people asked “are you dating her?” I said no. But that’s only because I didn’t want people to think I was homosexual. I didn’t think it was that deep to stop talking to me because I was protecting myself.

[Anonymous]

If you’re dating her then you are lesbian or at least bisexual so I don't know why you’d lie about it. She’s very offended and hurt, don’t go back unless you’re willing to change. Otherwise it’s pointless because you’re basically like “don’t get mad at me for denying you in public”. Makes no sense.

[Asker]

I didn't necessarily deny her in public. I was just telling people I’m not dating her and I don’t like her. She knows how I feel about her so it doesn’t matter what I tell other people. And people do tend to say I’m one of those things but I know who I am and it’s not someone who’s into women. DATING WOMEN OR LIKING WOMEN doesn't MAKE YOU HOMOSEXUAL AT ALL! And I said no because most people are homophobic.

[Opinion Owner]

Unless the definition of lesbian or bisexual changed then yes, if you’re dating a woman, you have to be interested in her romantically. Maybe for you it doesn’t matter what you tell other people, but for her it does and you don’t get to invalidate how she feels because you disagree with it. If you’re not into women and worry about how other people perceive it then that’s fine, but leave the lesbian woman alone, let her find someone who is proud of who they are and proud to say they’re with her. You can’t have it both ways.

[Asker]

Well, I’m not going to face homophobia and lose the people in my life and get called a sinner, just because someone’s feelings are “hurt”, definitions don’t always fit. I know what I am at the end of the day. And I’m heterosexual. I’m not humiliated to be with a woman but I know my boundaries.

[Opinion Owner]

And all that is completely fine, you have to do what you can live with and what makes you most comfortable, but you have to respect that as a result you sacrifice your relationship with her. I don’t think that you realize how much you minimize her feelings, reducing it to “no big deal” or “some little crush”, I’m sure that’s very hurtful to her. Let her go and find someone who wants the same thing.

[Wise4myage]

Try apologizing?

[Asker]

I will if she understands that I did it because, I was protecting myself and try to maintain friendships & not to “hurt her feelings” and because I don’t want to face possible homophobia.

[Wise4myage]

Makes sense.