I cheated on my girlfriend now she won't talk to me. How can I win her back?

[Anonymous]

I had been with my girlfriend for around 2 and a half years until just recently. Over the Christmas period I went out far too much and got far too drunk. On 2 separate nights in a week I ended up getting with the same girl...Well the first time she came back nothing happened but that's besides the point, she shouldn't have been there I know that. 2nd time we did sleep together and I instantly regretted it and I hate myself for it. But this girl seemed like she went out of her way to make sure my girlfriend found out and also keeps adding little details to make things sound even worse. I just don't know why I done it, my ex is the most beautiful, caring, kind and thoughtful person I could ever wish to meet and she has a lovely family too which I am also upset to lose. When my girlfriend first asked me I denied everything even though it was obvious, she gave me plenty of chances to admit to it but I was to scared and to ashamed to admit it although I really wanted to I just couldn't and really wish I'd just admitted straight away as that has made things much worse. Anyway, now my ex, when we do talk just gives me loads of expected abuse of how I disgust her, how she wants nothing to do with me and how as soon as she found out what had happened I became a stranger to her etc. Thing is it was no daft relationship, this hasn't happened before and we were in the middle of looking at houses and mortgages, talking about marriage, shed already picked the engagement ring she wanted and asked me to get it for her, I was just waiting till she wasn't expecting it. I know I ruined that, I know I done wrong and I really do hate myself for it but is there absolutely anything that anyone can suggest that I do that may even just help slightly in winning her back? I've wrote her a letter already detailing all my feelings and apologising and also more or less begging for another chance. I might have sounded desperate, and I am, she means the world to me I can't afford to lose her. I know I should've thought about this before I did what I did but that doesn't help now. Her friends are obviously against me as her family are. Do I try speak to her mum in private, to her friends. Is there anything I can do or say to my ex? Any help appreciated. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't involve her family or friends...they may not even be willing to listen as their immediate concern is your ex.

Since it was so recent, your ex needs time to cool off. I'm not saying she's going to take you back or want to speak with you, but your chances are better after some time has passed.

As a side note, a few months ago, I had reasons to suspect my boyfriend was cheating on me. I found inappropriate conversations between him and other girls and noticed him acting very inappropriately around other girls (both when very drunk). He didn't cheat, but his actions were enough for me to break it off. I didn't speak to him for days, even though he continuously pleaded with me. Our relationship was similar to yours: we were together for awhile and made plans to get married...we both knew we were going to spend our lives with each other. I was devastated, and when I spoke with my coworkers about it, they all agreed I should dump him. When I spoke with my mom and family, however, she encouraged me to give him another chance. I was shocked; any other time a guy I was with treated me badly, she was the first to tell me to leave him. But she knew our relationship was different and saw how perfect we were for each other.

Eventually, after a long talk with him, we got back together, and things are better than ever. Other girls may look at me and think I'm stupid for taking him back, but I know that he truly regrets what he did and will never do it again.

Again, I'm not saying your ex is going to take you back, and if she does she could always have a hard time trusting you. On the other hand, it could be seen as a wake-up call for you and scare you so much that you'll never even think about another woman again. Ultimately it's up to her, but for now just give her time.

[Anonymous]

If my boyfriend cheated on me I'd probably react the same way. I'll feel disgusted and I'd want him out of my life. Even more if I know that it's been twice with the same chick; I'd say that he surely has feelings for her. First reaction.

But I think that with time, a lot of time, I'll probably try to give him another chance if he's really doing his best to win me back. I love my boyfriend, thts why I'll be ready to forgive but I know tht it won't be easy to make up again. It'll take time for me to trust him again or to regain some confidence in myself. And even if forgiving is easy, forgetting is another thing. That's me.

Now another question is: if she had cheated on you, wld you take her back? If your answer is yes, then your love is stronger than anything. And if she thinks same as me, well just be patient. And don't give up showing how much you regret. Maybe she just need some time if her love is as strong as I hope yours is..

Good luck ;)

[harveykinkle]

Leave her alone. Give her time. Respect her decision, especially a decision made on her own rather than due to your incessant pestering. Chances are it's over.

You messed up big time, especially doing it twice and ESPECIALLY with the same girl. You didn't have sex the first time BUT you did cheat both times! Maybe you didn't let sex happen that time and stopped it but you didn't learn. You put yourself in the same position with the same girl again and actually went through with sex the last time!

Maybe you didn't have sex each time but you were still being unfaithful to your girlfriend. Cheating isn't sex. Cheating is doing anything you wouldn't allow her to do regardless of what it is! If you felt bad the first time you wouldn't have hung out with that girl ever again.

You probably would have done it again had the girl not told her. Girls do it all the time if they want a guy and he has a girlfriend. Problem solved in their eyes!

[Anonymous]

Many girls like to get "taken" guys. That girl you slept with is a jerk obviously. You may have a chance in a long time with her but leave her be till she contacts you.

[LexiNinja]

I don't sympathize with people who cheat. Whether you were drunk or not, that shouldn't be an excuse for your actions. You can control your penis and what you do with it and what you put it in. You would think you learned from the first time, but a second time? Pft I didn't really bother reading your full question, just a bunch of bs. Who knows, can happen again, and what, tell your girlfriend the same old apologetic story. Don't even bother. Your girlfriend deserves someone who is going to be loyal, faithful, and trustworthy. Since you don't meet neither criteria, don't even try. She deserves a lot better.

[Asker]

I don't expect anyone to sympathise. I know I don't deserve sympathy, I'm not asking for that. And I'm not blaming it on drink. Drink or no drink nobody deserves that. It wouldn't happen again , this has been a massive wake up call to how I need to grow up and appreciate her more. Yes she does deserve all that and I know I can be that guy. Yes I've done wrong and yes there's no excuse for such actions but I couldn't be more regretful, couldn't be more angry at myself or more willing to change

[valma]

We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Maybe you've never cheated in your life, and that's good, I'm very happy for you 'cos you can be proud of yourself.. But cheaters know how much they suffer from their own mistakes, so don't judge too hastily if you've never been through it.. Cheaters are also broken-hearted and I think everybody should be given an opportunity to make up. Maybe those two are really made for each other and this situation is just testing how strong their bond is.

[UsakiDaiten]

If you do win her back, she'd never trust you as she did before; she could say she'd forgotten that and forgave your mistake - in truth, she wouldn't be able to do that... every time you'd go out to meet your friends, you'd take a call, you'd look at the girl passing by you on the side walk just to make sure you don't bump right into her, your girlfriend would feel bad and would either tell you that and make you feel bad too, or she'd hold it in and feel terrible all by herself...

Imagine a piece of glass. After you've broke it, even if you try to glue its pieces back together, it'd never look the same. That's what happens with confidence; once you shattered it, you can never win it back or make it be as it was before...

I'm sorry, dude, but this was your fault :/ , and now you have to live with the consequences of your choices :/ .

Let her get over it (you and the hurting you made her feel) too..

[Lyra27]

The analogy to glass shattered is brilliant.

[Anonymous]

I took back someone who cheated on me. I could never fully trust them again. I was always worried. Thing is if you do it once, can you do it again? Or have you actually learnt?

I cheated on someone when I was 15. I learnt strait away and have never done it again and am still ashamed.

So it is possible that someone won't cheat again, but your ex girlfriend trusting you again might be slim. As you lied about it first too.

We are all human, these things do happen but it is our choice.

And it's very obvious that you know it was wrong and you feel awful.

I don't know how old this question is but I hope it all works out in the end.

If your not back with this girl... just never do it to another one!

You have to live with guilt forever.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

There's nothing to win back, you've broken her heart... let the poor girl go. I can understand being upset and realizing your mistake and stuff the first time around, but the fact that it happened twice with the same girl... I don't even know what to say.

[Asker]

The first time nothing actually happened. As I said I know she still shouldn't have been there. I understand your comment and expected some abuse. I am an arse I know that but I do sincerely regret everything and would spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I don't deserve her, but given the chance I could guarantee nothing like that would ever happen again

[Anonymous]

well just leave her be at this point, that's really all you can do and just hope and pray that she comes to see this as you see it, a big mistake that can be forgiven. At this point she's feeling betrayed by you because you aren't the person she thought you were she thought you'd never do that to her and you did. She was about to make you her husband and spend the rest of her life with you and now her entire world is turned upside down and I'm really not sure if she can ever trust you again. Basically you played with fire messing with this other girl and you let yourself get burned and now you are dealing with the consequences. Tell her you are going to leave her alone because that's what she wants and then do that...dont go begging to her mom or her friends or her...respect her wishes and tell her that's what you're doing and then back off.

[lala-193]

if I was her I wouldn't take you back either, cheating is a unforgivable trangression in my book. if you want to have sex with someone else break up with me, I would much rather be dumped than cheated on. not all girls feel this way, but it sounds like she does.

[MasterKey18]

Back off for now and then, try to be her friend down the road. You will have to start over and prove to her you ae no longer going to do anything so silly as cheat on her again. But it may take some doing. She will not trust you for a long time and even then, she may feel insecure about you and your relationship with her now.

[Anonymous]

go to your corner get over it. get therapy and find out why you are a cheater. work on your self control. accept that you f*** this girl over and she will never take you back. learn to RESPECT a woman. EVENTUALLY (after you do some soul searching and self improvement) find a new girl. treat her right. happy ever after.

blunt. rude. but it works. that's shock therapy buddy. truth ain't pretty.

[Kel7245]

Honestly, you need to let it go. You can't help the situation by contacting her or friends or family. Stop contacting everyone. Give her time to think it over and deal with it. Your only making it worse by continuing to contact her.

[karma13]

dont bother. you don't deserve her anymore. if uve done it once, ull probably do it again and she's a very smart girl to let you go

[Hopeless-Romance]

She is hurt by you, she may never trust you again. I mean honestly two nights with the same girl? I got cheated on by my ex and I swore to never let that happen again. Sorry but you messed up and there is probably nothing you can do to win her back, unless she makes the decision to come back even then there is going to be a lot of problems and work on the relationship and it could take a long time until she can trust again

[Anonymous]

You deserve to feel bad. You're sorry because you got caught, that's all.your ex should move on and find a better guy than you.don't be selfish, let her go.picture her with another man

[Trendigirl17]

You shouldn't have cheated, if she meant that much to you, you wouldn't have done that

[Anonymous]

You have to give her time. You really hurt her. Don't just tell her you love her and are sorry show her. I wish you knew my ex so you could convince him to feel sorry for cheating. Lol

[jessicanorland]

your stupid , and I'm glad youve realized

[Anonymous]

yet aholes like you get a girlfriend and I get to die alone becuase I'm ugly

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do

[Anonymous]

Did you get her back?