Is it wrong to prefer relationships where men don’t have all the leverage?

Question

Someone’s recently brought it to my attention that it seems like I’d rather be in relationships where the man does NOT have all the leverage in terms of money, control, power, other options, etc.

I’ve been in bad situations where the man had too much leverage and it didn’t bode well for me. He used it against me whenever he could that he can do whatever he wants in the relationship and I can’t, that I need him more than he needs met, etc. He disgusted me for those reasons. I actually prefer things to be closer to equal. Is that weird?

Lookingforthetruth · Accepted Answer

The fact you think men have control, power and options already points me to the type of men that you have dated in the past. In a 2022 study on sex and relationship, it was found that under 30, 64% of men are single with a 2018 study further suggesting that 1/3 of young men in that same age group are sexless. In other words, in a woman's sexual prime and where she is the most desirable, she often only goes for and dates the most attractive and richest men. Now, am I saying all women do this? No. I'm just saying its becoming the norm. Gone, are the days of girls dating for LTR. Now, women just want to eat, pray, love in their physical best then give their supposed life partner the scraps when she is ready to settle down.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/XUjn1mh9O3Q

Now, the numbers only drop when you go into the 30-49 y/o age group with the amount of single men dropping from 64% to 25%. And why is that? Well, a lot of girls first freak out of getting older happens at 30. You see it all the time, with cope articles made by other women on not to fear turning 30. Also, biologically it's found that the first biggest fertility hit by women happens at 32 years of age.

Now, the reason for this big drop in single men has to do with the fact that women value men for 3 things mostly:

1. Looks (Race, facial features, height, body skeletal structural which includes clavicle width, muscles)

2. Social Status which in school settings was based on popularity, likeability, social media presence and family status. Outside of school, popularity and likeability becomes less important and job status, social connections, social media presence and family status become more important.

3. Money (Actual physical cash, properties, net worth)

Now, what we have here is basically a woman who has racked up emotional and mental trauma and wasted her best years trying to lock down an alpha male and likely ignored men that would have made good romantic partners long term. And she is likely now in the bargaining stage of trying to give the second string men a chance. Hence, the question " I’d rather be in relationships where the man does NOT have all the leverage in terms of money, control, power, other options". The problem is that the guys around your age might not want you now and likely would date younger. It's more likely that you would have to settle for a guy 10+ years your senior.

glennos89 · Accepted Answer

Relationships should be equal!!!

There should be 2 people in it...
( or more if you have a untraditional way of looking at relationships like poly etc... )

But either way.. there should be no things as laverage being used to describe the relationship.

Everyone within the relationship should be equal! They should help each other getting up again when they fall down, being a team working on the same goal, lifting eachother up by working together! It shouldn't mather who earns more and who is better at what things...

A relationship is being 1 team with 1 task and that task is to win!!!
Every player within that team has it's own skills and tools. But whatever skills someone has, compared to another teamplayer doesn't mather!!
What matters is that your on the same fucking team and everyone within the team should work together to make the best out of every situation, by working together making goals to win the match.
Nobody cares who is the best striker within the team or the best defender. Being a team isn't a competition for individuals to be the best at what their good at!

Being a team is working together and everything you do should be beneficial for the team and not for yourself! The same applies to relationships!!!

If you are in a relationship your own ego should be on the bench and not in the field playing the match!! And if your not capable to put your ego aside... Stay single then!!!
Having a relationship is a teamsport!!! Your ego should be on the sideline at all times!!!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Id like to think a man can have more power, higher status, or whatever leverage, and still be selfless and respectful towards his woman. So i haven't met that kind of man, but im sure they exist.

My last ex was the same. He earned more money, thought highly of himself. It didn't happen a lot, but on bad arguments, he would talk down on me and also said he can say whatever to me because he paid for this and that. It was disgusting. I broke up with him after that. I never asked for anything from him (ever), but he would always say he wants to make me happy. So i get where you’re coming from, but i wouldn’t rule out men who has “leverage” for this reason. You might miss out on a good man. Also, even if a man doesn't have any leverage, he could still be an arrogant piece of shit.

Anemone978 · Accepted Answer

Well I understand not wanting to depend on a guy because they tend to be arrogant pricks about it. So it makes sense to think the way you do. See I got married to a guy and was a stay at home mother. He used to say everything is his, "I just let you borrow things".. which is one of the reasons I left him. I rather work harder then have someone talk down to me like that. Plus I used to hate having to ask him for money.. its a horrible situation to be in because it feels like he owns you and you can't do anything on your own.

coachTanthony · Answer

Men will always have the leverage because we are men. I think what you are talking about is depending on a man financially where you would put up with stuff and I think no woman should be in that situation.

Avicenna · Answer

No one person should have all "leverage" in a relationship- that's not healthy

Anonymous · Answer

No, it is not wrong to prefer relationships where there is a balance of power, control, and decision-making. Seeking equality and mutual respect in a relationship is a valid and healthy desire.

It seems that you have had negative experiences in the past where the power dynamics were heavily skewed in favor of the other person, leading to feelings of being taken advantage of or disrespected. It's natural to want to avoid similar situations and prioritize relationships where both partners have an equal say, share responsibilities, and support each other.

In healthy relationships, there is a mutual understanding and consideration for each other's needs, wants, and boundaries. Open communication, compromise, and collaboration are key elements in establishing a balanced and fulfilling partnership.

Remember that preferences for equality and balance in relationships are personal and can vary from person to person. It's important to find someone who shares your values and desires a similar dynamic. Trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being when seeking and cultivating relationships.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Well you did  voluntarily choose  to get in a relationship where the man had all the leverage. Remember that. Women don’t need men to provide and protect them in modern society. They didn’t have to choose that but they did. They could have walked away early.  With that said I’ve been in the complete drivers seat in a relationship more than once. Sure I liked it but not always. There is a lot of pressure to be expected to constantly call the shots and to provide money, energy and time. It’s more stressful than you most women will ever realize.  Sometimes it’s nice to have a woman choose some decisions for me. Not all the time, not most of the time but some of the time.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Do you want a man that will protect you?
Do you want a man to be financially secure?
Do you want to be the man in the relationship?
Do you want an emotionally insecure man?
Do you want a man that can handle his day to day business?

I can’t believe that I am hearing from a woman that women have no leverage. Of course women have leverage.

What is your educational background?
What is your yearly salary?
Are you financially able to live independent of a man?
Do you own a home?
Do you have a car note?
Can you attract any man into your life?

Is there anything in your life you need a man to provide for you?

This is leverage.

Get all this; then the next man in your life will treat you with more respect.

sureitis · Answer

i believe this to be yesterdays norm so im sure there's still people lingering who feel and think this way but equality is king nowadays and there's no reason it shouldn't be also people dont need their partners they should equally want one another that being said if you have no means of providing for yourself i. e no money source or savings if you're ok with that and are allowing someone to provide food water and shelter for you then you technically do need that person more so than they need you if thats cool with you then thats cool i believe anybody in this situation should still have some savings incase they need to get away from the person providing for them people abuse power anyone who truly loves someone wouldn't use this as leverage though

DizzyDesii · Answer

That second paragraph is what a lot of men CAN’T WAIT to brag about and use against you. Thats why I refuse to NEED a guy. I’ll want him but i can't need him. He’s not about to have me lookin like some sap as he talks to me any kinda way. Nah not having that

JeffersonA · Answer

No but phrasing!

Everything is beating on guys now so why answer a question that piles on?

For this you want a healthy relationship which is normal and good! You were in a bad one so it is very healthy to want a equal relationship.

Though for the phrasing your probably doing that on purpose

BadApple69 · Answer

It’s not weird after dating a guy like the one you described. But know that control freaks come in every tax bracket. It’s not that the man made more then you that was the problem, it’s that he used it against you. That’s characteristics of a bad guy you just need to avoid (again in any tax bracket).

molonski2 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with it , but the facts are that men control far more money , hold far more with regard to positions of power , with this does come responsibility , so you could be getting involved " down " , when to have the courage to go " up " would be far more beneficial. But , each to their own , just life in general will be tougher.

Adam1978 · Answer

Men don't go into a relationship where the woman has the leverage. So you can't have it either. I am not talking about her earning more, men don't care about her money, any attempt to leverage that would fail. So you need to accept that only simps accept female leverage. And you won't like to be around them for long.

Anonymous · Answer

The problem isn't leverage. The problem is you pick horrible guys. Leverage is great for getting quantity and can help with even quality but if you are too ignorant to know humans it doesn't matter. That's literally the problem with most people. They know nothing about themselves other than their identity.

Anonymous · Answer

It's very simple. You've been attracting, attracted to and / or dating men of 'satan'. If you had been with men of God, then none of this would matter. Thus instead of going for the men of God, you're adapting to the outcome of the previous choice and in turn will rob yourself of love, the ability to completely relax with a man, and the blessings that come with it. Thus Satan has used tricks to rob you out of love and you don't realize because of how subtle it has been done.

Anonymous · Answer

I think if your in a relationship with a guy and there would be an issue if he had leverage over you he might be controlling and abusive well I think your on a road to nowhere with him long term even if he has no leverage.

Your supposed to be able to count on your partner long term for love, support, loyalty. Believe me if you ever having a baby you are never more vulnerable than you are during pregnancy and for maybe 6 months after.

provokeesmokee · Answer

No? It's weird to not want equal influence. That's just chattel ownership with "tradwife" filters.

FreyaRed · Answer

"Is that weird?" No  Good relationships aren't about domination but cooperation.  However people are so accustomed with surrounding rat race in job that they see everyone as competitor.

Billlewis · Answer

I think that any relationship should always be set up to provide maximum leverage for the woman, and to her advantage. I know most guys probably wouldn't agree with this, but that's what's worked best for me.

richardcory · Answer

Equal is great. I prefer a relationship where we are equal. Every day I want to think my partner is with me because she WANTS to , not because she doesn't have other options, or can't easily leave.

ohsheeT · Answer

I never had a relationship like that I never even thought about having a relationship like that because I could care less really if the girl that I'm dating if I like her and she wants Leverage go for it but I don't think that way

ManOnFire · Answer

I could understand you not wanting to be in a relationship where someone is trying to make you feel powerless and bad about yourself. But you've been in those multiple times? What's going on there?

Unit1 · Answer

That's only fair. Besides being controlled is no fun. Nor being a financial hostage. I do not excuse such things.

hbg84 · Answer

Relationships should be 50/50. If on a date and one pays they other should pay next time. Or go dutch where you each pay for your meal seperately. If you're married both did be working. All bills should be split 50 50.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Just avoid men that are controlling. They are not made for long-term relationships anyway.

Massageman · Answer

You really believe that men have "leverage"? Exception being made for outright deceit- such as cleaning our a joint account and then leaving town - I don't think they do.

Fireguy17 · Answer

No it is not, relationships should not be about control or power. It should be 2 people working together.

strateguy632 · Answer

it is wrong because, first see if they try to use their leverage, or have but not use.

NextDoorNat · Answer

The one thing I have noticed as far as men in relationships is they usually only want to make a woman happy and I don't believe they have all the leverage.

slatyb · Answer

It seems quite rational. I would rather have a partner who doesn't need me but wants me anyway.

JSmuve · Answer

What leverage? What power? Are you talking about blackmail? What sort of equality are you talking about?

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

It depends on how crazy she can become and the level of controlling asshole dude can be. Compromises are great, but even they tend to be limited.

Anonymous · Answer

I wish I could meet a woman that had leverage on me. All the babes I date are broke and can only offer sex, which is not hard to find elsewhere

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Equal is preferable. Gold diggers are worthless.

gothbxtch · Answer

no, of course not. i would much prefer that too!

OddBeMe · Answer

Is it ok for you to want a 50/50 partnership? What happened to you? Who told you otherwise?

Anonymous · Answer

I am sure there are men who are willing to be a part of that relationship. Although it might the case that you will like that situation even less as many women who thought like you did eventually find out.

Guardian45 · Answer

Any relationship that is one-sided is not healthy. At a minimum, you should be completely financially independent!

Staximus · Answer

Not weird. Nobody should have more power or control over you than you are comfortable with.

Likes2drive · Answer

No it should be equal, no one should feel like someone has leverage over the other

krin_m · Answer

Any non-consentual power play is not a good thing in a relationship. Even in a CNC relationship, both partners are equal at the core.

Jadebamboo · Answer

Not at all. I would be bored out of my mind if I had all the say in the relationship.

justabuddy · Answer

Ok, I'm glad I read the rest of the items. I don't think that's wrong. Love and leverage are two totally different things.

EaterPeter · Answer

What is there to prefer? Men barely have liver or leverage at least against woman of their choice.

Anonymous · Answer

Wrong? I think it's very telling about you.

RingOfFire · Answer

Of course it's wrong! 🙂

boggboss · Answer

No its pretty normal in todays society

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You're smart! I think you have the right approach!

anon1903 · Answer

A relationship should always be 50-50

runnerboy · Answer

No one person should have leverage

shades777 · Answer

thats not a relationship then

In_Trance · Answer

whatever works for you

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the guy.

Christoff92 · Answer

I don't think so

red_knight · Answer

Yes it is

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Men = thief

Is it wrong to prefer relationships where men don’t have all the leverage?

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Is it wrong to prefer relationships where men don’t have all the leverage?

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