Am I supossed to feel guilty that my partner and I dont have a house yet?

[Anonymous]

We are currently renting a basement apartment. My partner has always wanted a house and his goal is to own one someday soon. However I keep hearing about it and I almost feel like I'm supposed to feel guilty. I had a serious injury recently (knee fracture) so been off work almost 6 months now and using our savings (not a whole lot big amount). I know in other cultures a girl and her family won't even consider a guy if he doesn't have a house yet and car things like that. So why am I made to feel like this? His family is not rich either, but been working a long time. My field of work doesn't even pay that much, tho it's not minimum wage. We have a goal and dream of having a kid soon & obviously owning a home

Updates

+1 y

I'm just tired of his constant whining and complaining

Updates

+1 y

We're not big spenders either, just basics though he does have some issues ( weekly beer buying a lot and drinks it every night a few, basically can't go a night without it)

[Bricealan]

I wish you were not anonymous, as it would be nice to have a discussion with some I can call by name. With that said, It would be nice to know where you live, cost of living, cost of housing (I'm in CA and homes are out of reach now for most) .. Reason I answered is that I have neighbors who are in their 30's and are renting the home next to me and they have two children. They want a house also, but hubby, like many guys want a BIG TRUCK.. which he did buy. Comes down to saving for a DOWN PAYMENT and then getting good financing. You don't have children, and at this point, that is a plus for you to save some money up.

Serves no purpose for your 'mate' to make you feel guilty, as long as you have a long term goal and try to meet it together... easier to save with fewer expenses, at this point, so no having a child is a plus for your savings plan.

You should sit down with a Financial Planner, and discuss it with him and see what you can work out with your partner in terms of how to achieve you goal of obtaining a home in the near future...

Perhaps drop me a line back and give me more detail of home cost in your area etc etc, and I will try to help as much as I can.

Bruce

[Asker]

Thanks. I'm in Canada, not much different than the situation in US. Also the saving I'm using was given by my dad

[Bricealan]

Not familiar with costs there, but if you say it is similar I can believe it... Can you have a serious discussion (if you have not already with your dad about it?) It takes both of you to pull together and have he same goal, of course.

[Asker]

Oh yeah, it's really bad here. Having a home is just a dream for many average young people, unless they get lucky somehow

[exitseven]

Don't feel guilty. That does not help. It is hard to scrape up the down payment for a house. My wife and I both moved back in with our parents the year before we got married and we saved a good amount before we were married and we lived in a crappy apartment at first but we spent every weekend with realtors looking at houses. It gave us a really good idea of what things cost and where we wanted to live. We looked at dozens of places and continued to save. Neither of us made big money but after a year we found a nice starter home. It was not in an ideal location and it needed work but it was a good place to start.

We are just ordinary people but somehow we managed to do it.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[provokeesmokee]

Him whining isn't going to help.

Him helping you recover and working with you to find WFH opportunities you can manage during and post-recovery? That'll help him.

But that also requires YOU to put in work and effort.

Both of you need to start consulting financial advisors or your banks, putting together a budget, and figuring out how you're going to save up for housing.

But it isn't going to get any easier unless we see a massive global finacial collapse a la 2008 (it is on the way, but US economic policy is kicking the bucket as far as they can).

And you two should also go to couple's therapy. Because you sound like you don't enjoy being with him anymore.

[LazerBean]

Maybe y'all should discuss a plan to cut back on your spending so that you can start contributing to your savings account again. Even if you're only putting a little bit into savings every month, it's still better than nothing. And talk to him about how you feel, it could be that he doesn't realize you are taking that way at all and that he's just expressing himself to you in a genuine way.

[DarkWinterNights]

It’s just reality right now. Our country is so messed up that regular people can’t afford to buy a home. You’re especially SOL if you’re single or on a single income. I had to buy a hoarder house to afford one, and I had to fight off over 20 other interested party’s.
Things aren’t going to get much better any time soon.

[lorenzomichael]

No not at all, buying a home is something that you really got to take your time with. If you're a smart buyer you think of everything. The neighborhood, afe you guys planing on having kids, will you to stay there for the whole 30-years? That's what a normal mortgage is. How close to family do you want to live from? And most importantly what you guys can afford. It's not like buying a car so take your time.

[sheikalana]

You don't need to feel guilty about it at all. You're not going to buy a house by yourself I'm assuming you both are buying the house together. I think you should never be in a rush when lots of money are involved.

[boggboss]

Is he actually saying it to make u feel bad tho or is he just whining

[Asker]

Both

[boggboss]

So have u spoken to him about why he is doing it and telling him to stop

[Asker]

No use. He won't, doesn't care

[boggboss]

So why are u with him

[EmmaMary]

Precisely what contribution do you propose putting towards the purchase of any property?

[Sour-rose]

If you let people make you think that way... then still a no. :)

[slatyb]

No, you aren't. Why would you? I hope you realize your dream.

[fonduegirl]

As long as you don't have kids, ig you can still buy a house.

[Staximus]

Not buying beer isn't going to save you enough money for a house hahaha. You both need to get better jobs. If you want something, you are going to have to put forth some effort and work for it.

[Asker]

Yeah but it definitely adds up , he always gets 6 packs like twice a week or maybe more and been doing it for years now

[Staximus]

That's like $20 a week. If you can't afford that then you both need to get better jobs

[Asker]

No. I'm not going to work to pay for his beer habits. It isn't fair when I barley drink myself & don't need to load myself up on it

[Staximus]

No, you go to work to help him pay the bills now get off your ass and yaa mule

[midnightmoon05]

Agree…there are remote work. Both can take on two other jobs.
I like that he has a goal…yiu as his wife is to encourage him and discuss ideas how to make a family, build a home together.
Listen to Dave Ramsey - YouTube.
Hope you become a millionaire with his plans.
I am one before I found him last years while accidentally heard his radio show about the baby steps.
Good luck.

[KrakenAttackin]

So find a wealthier man.

[shades777]

keeping up with the jones?