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Like being suffocated... Day in and day out. Feeling completely hopeless.
Feeling like you can't ever do anything right.
Feeling like you lost who you were as a person.
Wondering how you got here and if this is what your life is going to be like for the foreseeable future.
If it's safe to do so, the sooner you cut ties, the better.
I know for me that was easier said than done because he always threatened to *unalive* himself, but try to find an outside support system if you can.
Once you're out of it, you will be looking back one day and questioning why the hell you stayed in it for so long, and it will feel surreal when you meet someone that can show you what real love actually feels like.
Probably suffocating.