Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have been through some tough times but nothing like recent. We’ve been fighting a little bit and I guess those things have built up. He found a message where I was talking about his sister saying she was a loser Last Saturday he got so upset and left my house in the middle of the night. Didn’t talk to me for two days and I had to call him and he still didn’t want to talk but we were on the phone for an hour and 30 minutes of him saying he was upset about what I did and had doubts about our relationship now you know and how he didn’t know what to do. he went on and on about his doubts (which has happened in the past) only difference this time is his anger, he’s non communicative. We had a diffusing talk which I thought was good since he said everything and we didn’t break up but he didn’t know if he would talk to me yesterday. It’s been two days since that talk and I haven’t heard from him. I don't know when I should reach out or wait and give him time since I know he’s fed up. He’s not a coward I believe he would tell me he’s done (he said it before) but I don't know what to do
How long should I wait for my boyfriend of 4 years response?
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1Opinion
If you two have put up with each other for four years, you can wait as long as you want.
He has never been this angry, non communicative and just not talking like he usually does. When we talked he was upset but was able to express his emotions of doubt but seemed like he wanted to be with me but just had lots of doubts. I haven’t heard from him since Wednesday and I don't know what’s going to happen it’s making me anxious
You know, there's nothing wrong with reaching out to him... face to face... you don't have to wait for him to contact you.
I was told to give it time since I always reach out.
Why keep score? If you care about him (4 years implies you do), go see him and work things out.
I’m scared. Never seen him so fed up, he stopped communicating, it’s like what if he’s done
It's okay to be scared. If he's done, wouldn't it be better to know that now rather than sometime later? From what you describe, he is upset (and probably rightly so). You've given him some time to calm down. It wouldn't hurt, and will help, to go see him, tell him how sorry you are, and get your relationship back on course.
I feel like if he was done wouldn’t he have told me by now
Look up the word "procrastinate" in the dictionary. It's what you are doing.
I called him asked him if we were OK and he said I guess we caught up for a little bit but he admitted that he’s still a little upset so it’s gonna take a little time to get over but he’s trying
I figured maybe talking on the phone again couldn’t we can slowly lean into it and do some texting instead
We talked about this a few days ago so I’m sorry to see you’re still struggling.
Maybe it’s time to shift gears. You’ve been drowning in stress, sadness and anxiety for days, but is he doing that over you? From my perspective he’s being super leisurely about giving you a response, chilling on the fence, and if I were in your shoes I’d start getting mad about it. Because putting you through this when he could easily just be like ‘you know what, I’m not feeling good about things right now and need a break’, is just so mean and shitty.
You two have already been struggling, arguing, so who knows maybe this is the straw that broke the camels back. But you can’t obsess over it right now. If he’s doing his own thing then you need to as well. Get busy, reach out to your friends, just find a distraction to where you aren’t stressing over him all day.
Then when he gets back to you, you could either be very strong and don’t respond, let him sweat it out since you’ve been doing that for days. Or break up, be done with the games, done with the arguments and pettyness, end it and see if your paths cross after a bit of space.
Let him cool off for a few more days.