When to talk about money/income in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

When your finances are going to become affected by the other person. Like maybe you're not cohabitating yet. But it definitely seems headed in that direction. It's fine to discuss well in advance of this as well to. But at the very least you should be talking about it before you really commit to eachother.

I remember back in college I took a course in "personal finance" (to get my GPA up). It may have been intended as a "slide" class but it was very helpful for me and my future finances and I think every kid would benefit from taking this. But I remember the instructor saying, "In marriage marital strife and money problems go together like this🤞".

[BarryLiverstone]

You can talk throughout. But as trust builds so do details

[BarryLiverstone]

When would you feel safe telling someone your net worth?

[Asker]

Idrk, we've been together for almost a year and we've never really discussed it😬 is that a bad thing?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. But then again when you say you have been together what does that mean. Are you in a committed relationship? Living together? Engaged?

[Asker]

We're in a committed relationship but we're not living together yet

[BarryLiverstone]

So have you told her/him what you make? I mean after almost a year I assume you feel safe around them

[Asker]

No I have not, but I did told him I'm a student and he has told me his job but that's about it. And yes I feel safe around him🥰

[BarryLiverstone]

I mean if you are a student then you can tell him how much money you have. Have you talked about living together?

[Asker]

Yes, we have talked about living together. Should we have a conversation about it before we move in together?

[BarryLiverstone]

Before you move in there is a lot to discuss. But you can probably tell how much he makes based on how he is spending money this summer right?

[Asker]

No... not really🙈 but he does work more in the summer and barely has days off but we still keep in touch

[BarryLiverstone]

Keep in touch? I mean if he’s your boyfriend then you would be seeing him often and going on dates. I’m confused

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I mean by keep in touch

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh ok. So like if you see him often and have been to his place you can judge his income based on what he buys. I mean do you know about how much he makes?

[Asker]

No I don't know how much he makes. That's what I'm curious about but I don't know when is the right time to talk about each other's income.

[BarryLiverstone]

The right time is when it feels safe. You haven’t told him what you make so it’s not the right time yet.

But what I mean by knowing a range is you can see what car he drives, how big his house is, what food and clothes does he buy, when he gets things for hobbies.

[Asker]

I'll take note of everything you said! Thank you so much!

[BarryLiverstone]

Ha ha I hope you take notes. That was nearly an hour of time

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Hope it helps

[Asker]

Haha sorry and yes it helped, thanks🥰

[DrKrieger]

It's a hard conversation, but it needs to happen just after or before moving in together

[Asker]

Got it! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

whenever you plan on moving in together seems like an obvious choice.

[AmeerX]

Only when a constraint is taking place

[jahaims]

Within the first month