Hi all. I’m ‘with’ a guy and we have recently kind of sort of moved in together. Well my parents bought me a lovely flat and since then he’s kinda moved in with me. His stuff is all here, he does help with money.
The trouble is he hasn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend and it’s been 10 months. I feel as though I do a LOT for him because I just love him a lot and care for him, I just want to look after him. Hs always asks me for money. I give it. He always asks me to get him things I give it, I pay for a lot of his things, I do washing and give him sex when he wants and wait up for him and some days he never comes home.
it’s hard as he classes this as his home as a lot of his stuffs here but he also has stuff as his moms house so he is always kind of in between houses. But he says he is coming home and some days he does not and goes back to his moms which makes me feel a bit sad but I guess that’s his home too.
I sort his taxes out for him, sort his life and help him but I feel he’s not committed to me? He’s never once taken me out on a date or out the house, he tells me how much he loves me but he dosent take me anywhere. I’m also not even sure he is faithful to me he tells me he is and dosent sleep with anyone else but of course he’s going to say no. Do I take a step back and stop all of this? It just feels so right doing things for him but I feel unappreciated. We also are having a son ( he’s not born until November ) so it’s hard for me to just leave the guy and tell him to not stay at mine.
I always had a big fear of being this woman who done everything for a man and cared for them while they go out and live there life and sleep around and I feel as though that’s what it is becoming. I always told myself I’d rather be a side chick than this lol.
I really love him but it’s been over a year and he still has not committed? Am I just giving too much away for free for him to ever commit.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
It does sound like this guy is taking advantage of your kindness and support without truly committing to you or the relationship. A few things I noticed:
• He has not officially asked you to be his girlfriend after 10 months, yet expects you to provide for him financially and otherwise. That suggests a lack of commitment on his part.
• His inconsistent behavior - not coming home some nights without explanation, still having things at his mom's house - shows he may not view your living situation as a true cohabitation or partnership.
• The fact that he has never taken you on a real date or spend quality time with you outside the home indicates a lack of effort and investment in the relationship.
• His unwillingness to be fully transparent about fidelity is a red flag, especially since you seemingly do everything for him already.
• You will likely continue to feel unappreciated and used if things don't change. Taking a step back - setting boundaries and withholding some of the support you currently provide - may be needed to reshape the dynamic.
• While you have a child on the way together, that does not obligate you to remain in an unfulfilling or one-sided relationship. You can co-parent amicably without being a couple.
In summary, this man does not appear committed to you as a partner, though he enjoys the benefits you provide. Setting healthier boundaries, having an open discussion about your needs and the future, and potentially reconsidering the relationship are all options worth exploring. But don't settle for feeling used or undervalued. You deserve a partnership rooted in mutual care, effort and commitment.
Hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.
I don’t think he’s going to commit. Think about it this way, he already has everything he could want from you; housing, sex, food, laundry service, money, a child—he got all of that without having to make any sort of commitment to you. You need to stop playing wife with a man who is not your husband.
I would either kick him out or start charging him rent. If he’s not willing to be in a committed relationship, then he can be treated like a roommate or a tenant.
Yeah he’s told me he will help me pay toward the bills, I don’t have any at the moment so I guess we will see when the bill charge comes out. I guess it’s gone past the point of him committing since I’ve probably given him everything
It just upsets me that I. e he does not come home some nights because he actually dosent have too since we aren’t together, he can sleep around then come home to me since we aren’t together it’s just upsetting
I get it, I’d be upset too if I were in your shoes. I hope you can take some time to figure things out, but I highly doubt he’s going to change. You seem like a very loving person, and you deserve to be loved in return.
He will just keep using you until he feels like moving on.