His work ethic is bad, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I’m currently dating a guy who is great and treats me very well. The only issue I have with him is that he doesn’t seem to have any goals outside of work. Which is fine, everyone subscribes to a different lifestyle but I get turned off whenever I’m working hard on something and he’s gaming or just browsing the internet. I don’t know if that unreasonable on my part but being in Silicon Valley it bothers me that everyone around me seems to have an ambitious partner and I don’t. What do you think I should do?

[Staximus]

If he treats you well, has a job and pays his own bills, doesn't do hard drugs, doesn't have mental problems, doesn't go out drinking all the time, isn't looking for other girls, you should consider yourself lucky. Who cares if he's not Mr. Ambitious? There's no point in being obsessed with work so you have no life outside if work, unless you're saving the world or some shit like that. Who are you trying to impress? People who you don't matter to, that's who. You better wake up and smell the bacon, lady. If you ditch this good guy to go find Mr. Go-Getter, Mr. Go-Getter is going to have 5 more women on the side just like you looking for more status, money, prestige, etc.

[Asker]

I care. Having a more relaxed partner is fine and dandy until you feel like it’s dragging you down. I can’t have everything in the world but not having that just turns me off a little in a way I honestly feel my attraction to him starting to dwindle.

[Asker]

And then it also makes me wonder how my future will look if I continue with him. If I’ll ever get to achieve the things I want in life. I literally can’t stop working looking at where I came from. I can’t just see my family in poverty, struggling day to day and not do anything about it.

[Staximus]

And what are you trying to achieve? What does your family's inability to provide for themselves have to do with your boyfriend? You expect him to support your family? It's their responsibility to support themselves. There's nothing wrong with helping your family out financially, but that is not your boyfriend's responsibility.

[Asker]

Yeah but I can’t just let them suffer. It’s not in me, maybe it is for you. I never said it was my boyfriend’s responsibility did I? Changing him is not in the picture. However I cannot change how I react towards his behavior either. You can’t change what I do and don’t find attractive.

[Asker]

Perhaps the better solution would be to find someone who has the same goal in life.

[Asker]

Either way, I don’t see this conversation as productive anymore. You don’t understand my lifestyle so you don’t understand why I’d like someone of the same lifestyle. You’re not fit to comment on this topic.

[Asker]

Don’t take it personally.

[Staximus]

And what is that goal?

[Staximus]

You sound like a status chasing gold digger with dollar signs in her eyes. You probably buy stupid stuff like $1000 purses when your family needs money.

[KKavosa]

What is wrong with you dude?

[Staximus]

@KKavosa she won't answer what her goal is or what she is trying to achieve, she's just a money hungry status chaser that thinks she has to keep up with the Joneses. If the guy was rich, she wouldn't care.

[Asker]

@KKavosa My guess is he’s had a bad experience in life with an actual gold digger or something. He seems very emotional on the topic. Probably one of those guys that loved a girl so much he was too blind to see he was being used for money.

[inhua]

who do you want him to be? Batman?

if it's that important to you that he and you swap positions where he has to work his tail off and become masculine while you can relax and become feminine, then by all means send him my way and I'll fix his work ethic for you

[Asker]

what do you mean by that 👀

[inhua]

your loyalty to him is tied to your attraction for him

it's not the same for men. if he doesn't understand this he's most likely going to lose you. you can either tell him the truth even if it's uncomfortable, send him to someone who will red-pill him, or just lose him

I'm assuming you want to give him a chance to change before it's too late which is more than what most women would do. just up and leave while he remains clueless

[Asker]

Okay that makes sense. And yeah I’d totally like to try and stay first. That’s what I have been doing so far even though it’s hurting the relationship a little

[inhua]

try to understand him first and then let him know about your feelings. there may be potential conflicts along the way but if he's usually a calm individual, it should be fine

[Anonymous]

Don't be with him if that issue is so important to you, you'll never change him.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk to him about it. Not because you're right or wrong. But you might find you just don't view things exactly the same. He wasn't put on this earth just to satisfy and entertain you. And even he deserves downtime and to spend it how he enjoys. But clearly this bothers you. And you might as well talk about it before it snowballs.

[Asker]

I already have but he never changes lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well them you have your answer. I don't know what he said. And the devil is in the details. But clearly he doesn't think it's a problem. So you got a choice it's a dealbr ee aker or it's not.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree. I want to stay I just don’t know what to do. I have very low attraction to him right now because of it and I feel like he’s definitely picking up on it. He feels like I don’t love him.

[Opinion Owner]

Well attraction... that's what really matter isn't it. 😆

[Asker]

Haha yeah

[jahaims]

He has different values. He prefers to enjoy life instead of trying to keep up with the jones's. You see low ambition because he thinks differently from you so that is how you rationalize it.

[In_Trance]

you put up with it or you move on. That simple