Why does he think I need to do everything just because he is a hard working man and not need to do anything?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been doing everything including things for him. We have children together. We have been together for almost ten years. He finds me the most convenient person to ask and not only that, there are a lot of times he does not ask, I still ended up having to take care of things because he will not act on it. He does not take any responsibilities or act like an adult. He feels that he is working hard at a full time job to get money and bring it home for our family. Once home, always down to his own timing and space. He does not cook. He does not help around the house. He does not take or come with me to our children’s appointments or school events. He feels that bringing home money is everything. He does not go shopping. It’s me having to do everything. I take care of the house, children, him and I work part time. He said I’m not hard working like he is because he makes the most money. He only pays the half of bills. I have to pay my half besides doing everything. He have problems if I ask him for help with money and would say I’m not independent because I ask for help on paying some bills when I need it. His spare time is to play video games or drawing every day. He does spend time with me and children sometimes maybe for at least one hour.
We had one of these conversations, for example, he wants to find a different job. He wants me to help finding him a different job and apply jobs for him. I said he needs to do it himself. He said, are you my woman or not? If you are my woman, you would do it. I said I will if he is looking into it TOO, he said he does not have time to do it because he’s always working. I said well when you have time playing video games or drawing, you could have used that time to look. He disagreed.
Why does he think that way? Why does he think he does not have to do anything himself because I will?
Even if he wasn’t with me, what would he have done? He said that’s different he would have it done by himself. Help me understand his perspective.

[Finchie40]

My advice to you is to leave his ass ASAP , you are married to a narcissist that only cares about himself , He is manipulating you and making you out to be the bad one when clearly he is the POS. A loving man isn’t going to expect his girl to do everything while he does absolutely nothing nothing at home , just because he works and makes more money, doesn’t mean he gets to sit around and do nothing. I’m sorry to say you ended up with a POS. A loving partner will work as a team with their partner , not expect their partner to do everything. I honestly feel bad for you for being with a guy like that and having kids’ with a guy like that , actually he isn’t a man, he is a child expecting you to be his Mommy and to take care of him. Do yourself a favor girl and leave his ass ASAP , you deserve a partner not a child

[AviatorTom]

He thinks you need to do everything because you do everything, and have for 10 years. You've spoiled him by doing everything. We guys get spoiled very easy. After 10 years, it's going to be hard for both you and him to change. If you really want him to start doing some things, have a sit-down talk with him.

[Rides_Big_Guys]

Divorce -


Guys wonder why we divorce them - this is keen start to starting that process. It will only get worse. Keep in mind, you chose to marry a guy and stay home - this is what happens to women that do that!


Divorce him, get your own place and he can see the kids when he has time and you can live your best! Life!

[Ariesman81]

@Rides_Big_Guys

Good advice. Then the two of you divorced "girls" can be miserable together.

[Asker]

We are not married. I can’t afford a place myself because they require 3x income I only work as a part time. No one can watch kids but me. I’m all alone out here just with this guy. No family or friends out here. No money savings.

[Ariesman81]

Then I suggest you be thankful for the things he does for you. Sure, you may not think it's enough, but he is doing his job.

[Rides_Big_Guys]

You can still file for divorce. He can leave and pay you. U may feel lost and hopeless and stuck but I guarantee you are not. He’s abusive

[Ariesman81]

@rides_big_guys

Go take your medication

[MzAsh]

Increase your income and delegate kids and home duties to him. These are things y'all need to share. He can’t hide behind being a hard worker when you work just as hard.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

Feminism is not the answer. No one's doubting she's working hard. The problem is perceived inequity and lack of gratitude.

And while I agree that he should shoulder a larger portion of the financial burden, treating him like an employee will almost certainly drive him away.

What they need to do is sit down and truly discuss the roles. Whether they believe in a traditional setup or a more modern one. Whether they are mature enough to understand the responsibility of their roles is unknown. But coming from a place of gratitude is much better than a passive mutiny.

[MzAsh]

She’s paying bills, raising kids, running the house, and working too. That’s not “lack of gratitude,” or perceived inequity, that’s straight-up inequity as fact. A real partner doesn’t expect a woman to run herself into the ground while he hides behind his paycheck. He’s not doing his job if she’s doing hers and his.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

Then she should quit her job. Zero income... zero financial responsibility... more free time to be devoted wife and mother.

[MzAsh]

If he could actually afford to cover it all, I think he’d already be doing it. But like most men, he can’t. Having her quit her job doesn’t magically fix the imbalance, it just traps her while he keeps skating behind his paycheck.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

Well, he'd have to take more responsibility wouldn't he? Which is ultimately what you want. The only difference being, my plan pushes her more into her feminine and him into his masculine. Of course that would require her to give up some control and be a faithful girlfriend.

[MzAsh]

If your plan still relies on her giving up income and independence just so he might step up, then it’s still bargaining with her freedom.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

Relationships were never about freedom. They're about duty and responsibility. Freedom is the byproduct of doing your job. So, yeah, she's got a choice to make. Is she gonna lean into her feminine or is she gonna lean into masculine?

With that said, there is no guarantee that he'll step up to his responsibility. But what I can guarantee is her trying to fulfill his role will certainly lead to the dissolution of the relationship.

[MzAsh]

I think you’ve been reading too many role play manuals. Real relationships aren’t about assigning gender costumes, they’re about balance. And if there’s no guarantee he’ll step up, then your entire plan is just telling her to gamble her independence on the hope he suddenly becomes the man he isn’t. That’s just foolish.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

You mean the Bible? It's ok to admit I'm right.

[MzAsh]

Quoting the Bible doesn’t make you right.

Here’s what should happen, Aries. He carries his share, financially and at home, without needing her to sacrifice her independence to make him feel masculine. She keeps her income, her freedom, and her options, because that’s how you build an actual partnership, not a lopsided arrangement.

If he wants to lean into his role, great. He can do that by stepping up, not by dragging her down. That’s balance. That’s respect. That’s how a relationship survives.

[Ariesman81]

@MzAsh

No deal.

[MzAsh]

You’re behaving like a wife on a girlfriend budget. I highly recommend stop doing anything he’s not doing for you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of the proud breadwinner, huh? Your hubby’s playing the “I earn, you do” card, thinking that financial contribution is his golden ticket to lounge town 🏝️. His mindset might be stuck in the past, where bringing home the bacon meant skipping out on chores.

In his selective reality, gaming is sacred, and your hard work doesn’t play in his league. The “Are you my woman or not?” line is a spicy lovebomb that says affection equals servitude, which we know isn’t true. Keep communicating these romantic red flags 📢 and stand your ground. You both deserve a relationship where teamwork makes the dream work! ✨

[Staximus]

This guy is a shit bag, he's acting like he pays all the bills. He should be doing half of the housework if he's only paying half of the bills and half of all the other shit. He also needs to get up off his ass and go to his kids functions like a dad that gives a fuck.

[Staximus]

You're not his mommy to wipe his ass, he needs to be a fucking man and go get his own goddamn job

[Clear_Skies10]

I don't think it's fair that you work part time, and take care of the kids, and pay HALF of the bills while he works full time, doesn't help at home, or with the kids, and keeps any extra money to himself.

[Nikki1989]

You shouldn't be babysitting this man. This is not going to end well if you don't take a stand.

[Ariesman81]

Gratitude will get you farther than nagging.

[Asker]

Please explain more. I am always thankful when he can help with money, but that is all he ever does. Nothing else.

[Ariesman81]

Well, he's teaching you patience.

[Asker]

Patience for what? Why should he get all benefits and I don’t get the fair share?

[Ariesman81]

Again... you're looking at what you're not getting and not at what you have.

[Asker]

Did you read the whole thing? He pays the HALF of bills. He does not shop, clean after himself, feed / bathe kids or take them to school etc… what am I not having? It looks like if I leave, I have nothing to lose because I’m already doing everything alone…but I stay because I love him and we share our children.

[Ariesman81]

Then suggest a more appropriate split of the bills. If you're bringing in 25% of the household income, you're responsible for 25% of the bills.

[Jeff51]

He should do stuff too.

[Anonymous]

Because he is patriarchal.