I don't know what to do besides throw in the towel on this relationship. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

He says he respects me but he can't communicate worth a darn about important facets - such as his workload increasing considerably recently

He's blamed me for getting frustrated and even simply confused by his lack of communication.

As examplifed by how now he says let's take it slow, we've hardly been rushing as it is - so I don't know what to do about that

But denies that he's doing this / punishing me for his inability to communicate

And twice he's randomly spouted that he's not cheating without provocation. Like I haven't given the tiniest hint I think he is, but he's saying that he's not.

.

Quite honestly the relationship is overly stressful for no reason.

And the stupid thing is is just 2 weeks ago everything was perfect 🥰. Like I really like him and thought there was serious potential

Updates

+1 y

What's worse is he turns the situation around on me - he says he wants to take it slow so as to not stress me out. If he could do a simple courtesy and say look I'm busy, I'm stressed with work - but he says that he's having problems at work only after I bring up his lack of communication which makes his claims seem more I don't know less legitimate somehow - then there'd be none of these issues whatsoever.

Updates

+1 y

His parents had a toxic relationship wherein the mother berated the husband for being late, forgetting things, etc. when the husband worked very hard to support the household. I figured out that this may be cause for some of his communication issues.

And why I've tried very hard to be extremely patient and understanding and supportive but it just constantly backfires because he can't communicate the simplest things - like last 2 days been stressed at work. It takes 5 secs to say works' insane

[Anonymous]

Yes I can understand your position as well as your frustration. It's quite frustrating when we believe our partner should share each and everything with us but they think differently. My boyfriend is also same. I asked him about his opinion on this and he told that he believes a man shouldn't burden his partner with his problem.

Many men think similarly. Being "Man" they believe in protecting his partner and not letting her know about trouble he is going through. Such men need to be trained to see that he isn't burdening us telling his problems but it's our pleasure to be part of his troubles too.

With this guy you need to have loooootssss of patience really really a lot. And yes it would be frustrating too. But they must be among those few men who believe in protecting their partner.

Now it's upto you to choose what you want. Can you deal with your frustrations and can you have patience, or it is tooo much for you to deal with. Whatever you decide it's right decision only. Because finally it's about your own mental peace and happiness.

[Asker]

There's no protecting one's partner when you can't share problems. The basis of a healthy relationship IS to communicate.

What if a man believing such "I'm protecting her" nonsense was to loose his job because he doesn't talk with his partner for opinions about problems, etc. then they'd both be suffering at the end of the day.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree I totally agree with you. But this is what THEY THINK. It's their perspective. And we know all people are different, their thoughts are different, they have reasons behind their thinking. Sometimes we can make them to understand our point sometimes we can't. But this point is such strong that we may never make them to understand our point because they strongly believe it. So it's upto you to choose the person with his ideology or leave them. Whatever you feel okay for yourself. I totally understand your frustration because my boyfriend is same.

[Asker]

I'd agree with you except, bluntly, I think he learnt not to communicate properly from the toxicity of his parents relationship. His mother used to berate the father for being late from work, etc. when the husband worked very hard to ensure the household was as it was. She didn't appericate it, merely blamed the husband for being late, forgetting things, etc.

So, of course, the husband would rarely communicate in such a situation because why bother.

I have figured this one and tried to be very supportive of my boyfriend despite the fact he works late, etc. and yet he still can't communicate properly.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes family and upbringing, the surrounding very much contribute to our thoughts principal and our behaviour. It's very good of you that yet you are trying to stay kind to him and understanding his position. Only you need to figure out what can be done and how far you can do being at peace. Your happiness your peace also matters so don't completely forget yourself too. All the best.

[Radiate143]

This poor communication is much more common than you think. Also, maturité issues are at play.

Maybe less action right now and more observing of him then make tiny little asks one at a time.

[Anonymous]

I say end it and move on. Who needs stress like that?