Have you ever had an open relationship? Are open relationships generally successful?

[Anonymous]

[zeitgeist057]

I am currently in one. Relationships in general are a mixed bag, whether open or not. There are a lot of factors involved such as how fast or slow you are taking it, communication, and the individuals involved. Also depends on your definition of "successful". Some people stay in relationships that are toxic, but they are scared to be alone, or scared to leave their abuser. Others might call those "successful" since they are staying together.

I don't know the statistics, but I also don't know a lot of people in open relationships. I also think people in successful open relationships don't talk about their relationships a lot since they aren't widely accepted.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

In most cases no they are not successful. Why? Because emotions get entangled and most people do not realize the sheer amount of time and energy you have to invest to keep everything balanced.

Everyone enters into the lifestyle thinking "oh boy lots of sex" but that is far from the truth. They do not realize that all the little things that happen in one relationship is magnified a 1000 fold for each new partner included.

Can they work? Sure. But are they worth it in the end? I say no. Id rather just keep it sexual like a swingers couple than have full relationships in an open situation.

[Bethany22]

Haven't been in one, but I think I would close up emotionally and be constantly sad looking. My boyfriend probably would get pushed away by my distrustful looks at him as he walks in the door, me wondering where he's been. Me I can't have sex with more than one guy at a time.

[Anemone978]

What is the point of an open relationship other then you don't really love each other? Or one loves and the other don't.. because when I am in love with someone I don't want anyone else, so to want to fuck others there can't be real love there..

[zeitgeist057]

The idea that having more than one relationship means you don't feel "real love" is a common thought process and misconception amongst monogamous people about open relationships.

While it may be true that "when (you) are in love with someone (you) don't want anyone else", but your personal subjective truths are not universal truths. "I think/feel ______, therefore _____ is right and everything else is wrong, for everyone in the world", is another common logical fallacy.

Mono vs. poly is a complete paradigm shift ("a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions").

A really great (start of) an explanation: study.com/.../...gm-shift-definition-examples.html
unfortunately, you have to register to watch the whole thing, but the beginning is succinct, excellently presented, and worth watching if you've got 45 seconds. There are several others on youtube, but most focus only on having a positive or negative attitude about life.

The mono/poly paradigm shift is about what love is, means, and how it is expressed. From a poly paradigm, the mono view of love is based on "starvation model" (more @ sydneyinclusivecounselling.com.au/.../ and www.morethantwo.com/.../developing-mindset-abundance )

From a mono paradigm, poly love is seen as superficial or nonexistent. The irony of this is that from a poly paradigm, it is even more intimate, selfless, and "true" than mono. One is truly thinking of their loved one (s) and wanting an ideal and fulfilling life for them, full of an abundance of love from multiple sources. Loving someone means I want the whole world to know how amazing they are and to love them as much as I do, not hoarding and hiding them selfishly trying to isolate and contain "precious" all for my sole benefit.

[zeitgeist057]

Though I definitely would say there are a lot of people posing as "poly/open" who in truth are just people with a monogamous paradigm that are trying to play the field until they find "the one". IMHO, true open/poly relationships do not simply occur because one decides they want to date more than one person; it requires a greater level of introspection, thought, communication, and both personal and interpersonal development.

[Anemone978]

@zeitgeist057 Yeah that is not for me LOL
I have felt different loves for people so I can not believe in this.. it might work for you but I don't think you really love any of the people you are with.. I think you love them in your own way but I do not think it is 'true' love.

[zeitgeist057]

@anemone978 you are putting your paradigm on my experience, and placing a judgement on my love as inferior, which is inappropriate.

Relating this to the paradigm video link I posted, this is akin to someone who loves apples has never tried mango (or even tried them and disliked them) telling someone who loves mango that they are "wrong".

Another example would be one parent telling another individual: "I don't love all my children equally, therefore it's not possible. You may say you do, but you really don't." . Equally inappropriate.

[Anemone978]

@zeitgeist057 No one loves anyone the same or equally so to say you do.. is just delusional.

[HiveBee]

Open relationship basically means someone is getting cucked unless both parties are equally as powerful in obtaining sex with other people.

Not many men have the power as any woman has, at procuring sexual partners. So usually, the man is the cuck.

[Asker]

They can do sex with money if they want

[Asker]

That much*

[Inbox]

The average salary is the US is around 60k. Even if they spent what little money they had, paying someone to have sex with you is insulting and the worry about STDs or criminal activity is an issue - prostitution is largely illegal in the US.

[Inbox]

*in the US

[Xoxocutekitty]

As a lifestyle, no.

Have I ever had one, sure. Although, it was more like dating casually, not asking too many questions, and cutting it off when it starts to get boring or I found someone more exciting. I was in college and lived only semester to semester. I was planning on graduating with a Mrs. Degree.

[love_conquers_lust]

You tried for an M. R. S. by dating casually? *facepalm*

[Xoxocutekitty]

Typo. Wasn't* lol I could see how that makes a difference

[love_conquers_lust]

Cherish that man for seeing the beauty you have.

[zeitgeist057]

@anemone978 see above, great example of what I was referring to when I said "... people posing as "poly/open" who in truth are just people with a monogamous paradigm..." which in turn causes people to associate open relationships with "not really serious". But these should in truth be credited to the mono paradigm, as it's not really an example of someone who is putting in effort to have successful, long term open relationships.

[love_conquers_lust]

@zeitgeist057 You reported @anemone978 comment? Your comment looks dumb without the context of other people’s replies.

[love_conquers_lust]

@zeitgeist057 Or are you in the wrong thread?

[zeitgeist057]

@love_conquers_lust you seem confused. When I typed "@anemone" I was not 'reporting (her) comment', and not sure if you understand the reporting process based on your comment. When a user mentions another user using the @ feature, it is intended to notify/include/credit them in a conversation.

I am not in the wrong thread. Having read @Xoxocutekitty response, it was a perfect example of what I was talking to @anenome about in another thread, so I was pointing it out to her. But @Anemone has settings to "don't allow other people to mention me" so the @ feature didn't work. I understand how my comment was confusing to you with no context; it was not directed at you, and I did not think to explain it to you in detail.

I hope that clears up your confusion. You can learn more about GaG features here: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/faq/features

[love_conquers_lust]

@zeitgeist057 Less is more. Silence is golden.

[Twalli]

Open relationships are at a higher risk of failure than others. It can be difficult especially if you aren't both in favor of the idea. I have heard of successful relationships that have hall passes. In other words you give each other a hall pass for certain things, like he would get one for cleaning the garage, she would get one for decorating the Christmas tree, stuff like that. Then they know when the other person is having sex elsewhere or did (if it was unplanned). Surprisingly, to me, they work, probably because there's no connection forming with another person because sex with them is limited.

[zeitgeist057]

"I'll clean and organize the garage if you're cool with me banging the neighbor"?
"Ok, bebe. I'm going to decorate the Christmas tree, so it's cool if I have sex with my boss, right?"
Am I understanding this correctly? lol

[Twalli]

@zeitgeist057 I am not saying that I fully understand them, and I don't know the exact transactional terms. I also know that the relationship didn't start that way. I think they felt it was getting stale and decided that hall passes would keep it fresher.

[Kabluie]

Yes they can be, as I'm in one for several years as we're poly. If everyone is on the same page. There is a bit of re-wiring needed, like everything you learned about monogamy needs to dissected and re-learned from a more open view. There are good books for this like The Ethical Slut, highly recommended!

[HelpfulWoman]

we discussed it. it's not something for my and my partner as is.

they can be successful if they're done correctly. most just use it as an excuse to have "cheating" be legitimate.

[love_conquers_lust]

Not explicitly. I know my ex made out with one of her hot friends in the back of my car.

That little Focus 🚗 was legendary.

I got a feeling if I do get into another relationship, this shit will come up again. I’ve read it’s like throwing a relationship grenade into your home.

[SolitarySolace]

No. I have never been in an open relationship and I don’t ever plan on being in one because I am an extremely jealous individual. All of my exes cheated on me with other men and one with another woman. I personally believe that if someone wanted to be in an open relationship, you’re not enough for them and you should break up and find someone who actually cares about you.

[FancyPantz]

A romantic relationship is a secure closed loop. I honestly think an open relationship is an oxymoron. I do not think people are happy in them nor do I think they are successful.

[Nikki1989]

Been in one for over 8 years. It has always worked for us.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, also a successful relationship is a monogamous one, so being open already causes automatic failure.

[elizamichale1]

Yup i hav n trust me they r the best kind of relationships

[sheikalana]

No, I could never share my partner with anyone else.

[Jdodkfndosn]

Would a friends with benefits be a form of an open relationship?
Or what girls like to say.. what is it? Situationship

[msc545]

Open realtionships are great for women, and terrible for men. Remember that men do the approaching and women do the accepting. Women control access to sex.

[Longshanks1968]

Yes, I have and no they are rarely successful, most people lack the maturity needed and are far too insecure for those arrangements.
Good luck

[LiamJHayden]

I would not consider it. The phrase sounds almost oxymoronic to me.

[Shamalien]

I haven’t and wouldn’t. Even when dating casually

[Anonymous]

Not my thing but I think they can work for some couples.

[Lilith___]

Yes and most of the time no

[BigDog1989]

Why wasn't it

[Nifrayu]

I had an 11 year open relationship.

[Asker]

İ am sorry if you are uncomfortable with this question; with a boy or girl?

[Nifrayu]

A woman.

[Asker]

Cool was it succesful

[Nifrayu]

Well it eventually ended, but it had nothing to do with her having sex with others.

[Jersey2]

No, and F no.

[dudeinohio]

No and I don't believe in them.

[Sparkie460]

I never had one and I never will

[Anonymous]

It's a bread n butter for fuckboy like me 😂

[swettannie]

kinda

[Nerdvana]

lol.. Kinda? I am intrigued by kinda.

[jahaims]

No and no

[Luckycharms12]

Never had one

[mattw3077]

I’d love one

[Slim57]

No and no