Someone told my close friend I like him and now he’s been avoiding me, does he not want to be my friend anymore or does he just need more time?

[Anonymous]

My male friend and I are very close and we message daily and hang out at his till early morning at least once or twice a week. We also work together so see each other a lot. I developed feelings for him a few months ago but didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, one of our mutual friends messaged him asking if he sees me as more than a friend, and told him I liked him. He told our friend he sees me as no more than a friend and since then has not messaged me at all and has been calling in sick to work, the one time I have seen him at work he was acting normal. Our friend made the decision to ask him because he knew I was trying to get over my feelings to maintain the friendship but everyone we know think that me and my friend are more than friends or are already together and our friend didn’t think him not liking me was a possibility. People think we are more than friends because of the way we are together, he is always in my space and will follow me round at work to keep talking. He’s also slipped multiple times when talking about his future and referred to things in his future (e. g. marriage and kids) as ‘our’ instead of ‘mine’/his. I am the closest person in his life and one of the only people he spends anytime with one on one. He has zero history with girls and relationships so has never had to handle this kind of thing before and has very strict personal rules he’s mentioned that are 1. No dating coworkers, and 2. No dating close friends. Since he found out I liked him and he’s gone silent for the last week and has only contacted me twice about work stuff. The one time I have seen him I told him that I hadn’t wanted him to know because I didn’t want it to affect our friendship while I got rid of these feelings. I’m just worried that he’s now really uncomfortable to have contact with me and we won’t be friends anymore. It’s only been a week but it’s the longest in a year that we haven’t communicated like normal.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a tough situation. It sounds like your friend just needs some time and space to process things now that he knows how you feel.

Getting hit with that kind of news can be a lot to take in, even for a really close friend. And with his rules about not dating coworkers or friends, he's probably stressing about how to handle it without messing up your friendship.

It's only been a week, so I wouldn't panic yet. He might just be avoiding you temporarily to get his head straight before talking it out. Some dudes need time alone when something dramatic comes up.

My advice would be to give him some more space, but also reach out in a casual, low-pressure way, like sending him a meme or asking about work. That way he knows you still wanna be pals even if things are awkward right now.

With any luck, once he's had time to think it over, you guys can sit down somewhere chill and find a way to move forward as friends again like before. These things sometimes just take adjustment.

Don't lose hope yet. He clearly values you as a friend if you're that close. Just be patient and let things settle - I'm sure it'll work out once the dust settles. Keep your head up!

[RedInnocent68]

Now that he knows that you know, he’s afraid any approach by him will be assumed that he’s out to take advantage, but he doesn’t want to put you in an awkward position. The fact that he didn’t just laugh it off, and took it seriously enough to avoid you suggests it’s mutual or he’s at least thinking about it, but if you want him, you’re going to have to approach him and be assertive.

[Screenwriter]

Let him deal with his discomfort with this information. You should stop talking to this OTHER friend about anything personal. What a big mouth! I'd lay into them and cut THEM off for awhile. Really.

But, just leave your guy friend alone. Maybe he'll come around. Maybe he won't. Be prepared for either. IT's unfortunate, but those are the facts of this case. He has those rules and he's sticking to them.

Doesn't matter about the facts of your relationship. He was only comfortable with it and your closeness because you were friends. He doesn't want anything else. Look for a love relationship elsewhere. It doesn't seem likely. Good luck.

[HollyK21]

That was incredibly trifling of your other friend to take it upon themselves to reach out to him without even so much as consulting with you first. I wouldn’t share anything like that with them again. As for the guy, you can give him some space but I think this is him trying to create some separation so you won’t continue to get the wrong idea, and you can move past your romantic feelings. Sorry about this, it’s quite mortifying especially seeing him at work but eventually it’ll be water under the bridge.