Can you gaslight unintentionally?

[Anonymous]

Say you’re new to love or don’t really have a good reference outside of romance novels and movies. Can you unintentionally gaslight your partner when in fact you’re just trying to have good intentions? For example, you and your partner get into an argument about the dishes or something. You almost always do the dishes and snap at them for not doing them when you ask and then bring up how they rarely pick up after themselves l cause they’re tired. You point out their bad cleaning habits then compare that to how you were raised to be neat and should attempt to do things your way for a change. Partner gets angry and does the dishes just to end your nagging and goes about their day. Not sure if this is a good example but yeah….

[simon]

It can definitely be eye-opening to realize that something you're doing might be hurting someone else, even if you didn't mean it that way. The key thing here is to focus on how you communicate and interact with people.

First up, really listen to what others are saying, especially if they're telling you they feel hurt or dismissed by something you've said or done. It's easy to brush this off, especially if you didn't mean any harm, but their feelings are valid. If you find yourself in a situation where someone's questioning their memory or feelings because of something you've said, take a step back. Think about how your words or actions might have come across. Maybe you joked about something they took seriously, or you brushed off something that was important to them.

The biggest thing is to be open to understanding their perspective. It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about making sure the people you care about feel heard and respected.

We're still learning and growing. It's okay to make mistakes as long as you're willing to learn from them. Keep that heart open, and you'll be alright.

[blueonblack22]

Sociopaths don’t really understand what kind of emotional damage they can do to people simply because they feel limited or no emotions. They can however be excellent actors though and feign emotions along with being charming/manipulative often to an excellent extent.

I worked for someone who checked off all the boxes of being a sociopath when I was in my early 20s.

At the time I didn’t understand what I was dealing with. I have never met someone who could operate socially the way this guy could. He talents were absolutely insane. I both detested him and at the same way deeply envied his ability to interact professionally and socially. He could easily win an academy award if someone wrote a movie script about him being himself. Never met anyone like before or since.

But he would be the type to gaslight and not even realize he was doing it. The guy was on a different level. But as I got older I quickly realized I would never want to be someone like that. He can never be trusted.

[Flatmanlewis]

Yes. You can unintentionally do this. I think the example falls short of actually gaslighting, as I understand it. I take gaslighting to be questioning your man’s reality or making him defend himself against hypothetical accusations or scenarios.


Every couple has some learning and growing to manage over household chores and norms. Just be patient and allow that compromise is key. My wife and I spent a few years figuring out all the little nuances. I clean up pans & utensils as I cook. She likes to until after dinner. I prefer the house cooler than she does. I do the vacuuming and she does the laundry. It’s a system

[Hungryghostwriter]

I don't about relationships but my mother claims she didn't know she was gaslighting me throughout my childhood and teens but that her intentions were good.

If you hit someone with your car but you didn't meant to, does that let you off the hook?

[Joker_]

sure, but I only do it intentionally