How can I control my partner in a female-led relationship and show control on her, in our existing dom-sub relation?

[simon]

I really don't like it that I don't feel ok to share my feelings with her...

[ephedrine]

in my opinion;

Check-In Like a Pro: Think of this as ur top priority. Always, and I mean always, make sure you're both totally into what's happening. It's like making sure everyone's still enjoying the party.

Chat it Up: Keep the conversation flowing. Whether it's about what you're into or what makes u say "nope," keep it real. It's like making sure you're both watching the same Netflix show and loving it.

Rules of the Game: Set it up like you're planning a game night. Agree on the dos and don'ts (!!!), and definitely pick a safe word – it's your emergency brake.

Big on Respect: This is huge. You gotta respect each other's boundaries and trust each other to stick to the plan. It's like having an unspoken promise that you won't let each other down.

After-Party Care: After things get intense, don't just split. Hang out, make sure you're both feeling good, and talk about what just went down. It's like making sure no one leaves the party feeling weird.

Homework Can Be Fun: If this is new turf for you, hit the books (or the web). There’s a ton to learn about safe and respectful BDSM. Think of it as prepping for the most interesting class ever.

Start Slow: If you're new to the scene, don't jump into the deep end right away. Start with the shallow waters and slowly wade deeper as u get more comfortable.

Your Three Commandments: Safe, sane, and consensual. This is your guidebook, ur bible, your unwritten law. Stick to it religiously.

Symbols Are Cool, But Optional: Some folks dig using things like collars to spice up the dynamic. Cool if that's ur thing, but only if you're both down for it.

Phone a Friend (or Expert): When in doubt, or if things get twisted, don't hesitate to reach out to someone who knows their stuff about these dynamics.

Remember, it’s all about both of you having a blast. It's like being dance partners – you’ve got to move together and enjoy the rhythm. Keep it light, safe, and consensual, and you’re golden! You goo!!

[cnj421]

If you don’t want to be dom, then you should just tell her that. BDSM is best practiced with a LOT of communication. If you can’t communicate this one thing, I’m not sure you should be in a dom/sub dynamic.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Control is not the answer to finding comfort in vulnerability. If you feel you have no choice but to fight for control to reach that comfort level, I’d get out of the relationship

[DaveJord]

So, dude, honestly, I have been in a relationship for 24 years... it was never a dom-sub relationship, but as a man we do a lot of things in order to appease our women. Problem is they don't see it that way. Everything I ever did for this woman, was all things I was supposed to do any way.

But she would have list of expectations... and all my feelings, needs and wants went unaddressed.

In the end my man, you're in a toxic relationship. You made choices along the way that contributed to the is situation... and because of those choices you are getting walked over. But that was the deal you made, or you allowed it to let happen and now you want an easy way out.

Sorry, brother you stuck like chuck... if you think you can do better than I would go out and find better and set healthy boundaries and insist the that they are respected. Women taught me that.

[blueonblack22]

Well it really comes down to if you feel respected or not.

The tricky seductive part is these women often tell you exactly what they want in the beginning. They take out the guesswork.

For many guys it’s a huge welcome change of pace. But as time goes we realize the ugly truth about how she wants to wear the pants. Women joke that it’s “emasculating” but it’s no joke to feel this way for vast majority of men.

Try to figure out if it’s a respect issue. If it is then its time to walk. If it isn’t then I recommend you start pushing your weight first to see how she reacts (because she might be shit testing). If she gets defensive then calmly but very directly tell her how you feel.

[Anonymous]

I have really no idea what you're talking about, but a couple of things to remember.

If you're feeling uncomfortable about something, you need to voice it in a proper way and be open to what she says back.

If her answer isn't aligning with your needs, you might need to break it off. There's no point in staying with someone who makes you unhappy. That's the whole point of a relationship in the first place; give and take and fulfilment.

As far as "controlling" someone, I don't really like the term unless it comes with ongoing consent between both people. I'm not sure how a dom-sub dynamic changes that.

[NathanDavis]

don't get in controlling relationships in the first place

[Akothee005]

I think you should voice your concern so that you people can talk it out and come to an understanding or agreement.

[DextroShade]

The problem is that she is leading the relationship so she can't respect you. Either step up and lead or leave her and find a girl you can lead.

[RavVid]

Are you saying that she is the dom and you want to control her?

[slatyb]

Have you tried? If she won't listen then you need to end the relationship.

[love_conquers_lust]

She’s your spouse first. You should be able to share everything if need be.

[Anonymous]

You are in a Female Led Relationship, she has the final say, you can voice your feelings , she might consider them or she might not. Her word is the final say.

[Anonymous]

So who's the sub?

[Jmmmfi4]

Huh?