Is it a turn off or turn on when your woman is in charge in your relationship?

[Chikky]

[InventorofWarp]

No.
I've never really had a serious relationship before and I prefer older women so hence why I'm entirely clueless when it comes to one. Anything that I encounter about it is likely to be completely new for me and thus I'll likely defer to her judgement or ask her opinion or suggestion. Ontop of it, I've never had sex so I'd fully expect her to tell me when I've done something right or wrong and what to or not to do and how to get better.
I'm also extremely shy so she's typically the one who would be initiating at least at the beginning.

Ironically I have two women who have caught my eye romantically/sexually: One of them is off the table and is definitely more of a maternal/sisterly figure in my life and she's also WAY too confident, especially sexually, for me anyway and too independent and I'd be constantly intimidated by her. Which is funny because it's what makes the friendship awesome. I also don't really buy it when she tells me I'm attractive but her telling me she's proud of me and calling me a boy makes me think she really sees me and I feel lit up inside.
The other one I had a long and tumultuous confusing relationship with because we were both in bad places at the time and are both quite damaged people, that's probably part of what I like about her. She's even older than me than the first lady and she's easily got even less confidence or self-esteem than I do, which doesn't seem possible. If anything, she brings out my confidence because of how much I like her and want her. She's extremely shy, even more than me, and I imagine a relationship with her would be rather interesting and kind of what I need: I'd be in control of social settings, sexuality and romanticism because between the two of us I easily have more confidence than her and she brings it out in me but she's still older, wiser and knows more than me and is more experienced in things and she still teaches me new stuff whenever we talk.

In short it's sort of like one is the confident, intimidating dominatrix who I am NEVER in control with. Which is sexy and awesome but also scary and would probably never work.
The other is a shy, timid, sweet little flower who brings out the Wolf in me and I think is a more positive impact long-term.

[ladsin]

In charge of what? Women, by and large, are in charge of many family decisions ie purchasing power which is why so many companies cater so heavily to women. There’s the common trope of, “happy wife happy life.” I work in plumbing and particularly like to do water filtration which caters highly towards women, “well the woman isn’t happy because the hard water is bad for her hair/ skin/ etc”. I’d presumably have no issue with that. Would I be comfortable with a woman running roughshod over me and trying to direct the family without my input? Hell no.
I believe a relationship should be built on compromise and mutual understanding, and I believe that I should be the head of the family. That is both a benefit and a responsibility. I think this is my role as a man, because should all things go wrong it will be my life on the line as the protector of my family. (Picture was supposed to be at the end)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I think it's a turn off when couples make a relationship/marriage about who's in control. Instead of making it about love, commitment, caring... Relationships shouldn't be a power struggle or one partner dominating controlling the other. There's some areas the man will be in charge, some the woman, and some decisions that should be made jointly...

[DizzyDesii]

He better be turned on cause i def wanna be in charge MOST OF THE TIME outside the bedroom 😂

[EltonJohnz]

i don't think i would feel like dominanting a girl in bed if she didn't give me the space to be a man out of bed.

[Alpha4U]

You have 2 options :
beta men
or get a dog

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz well i’m glad there are some out there who feel otherwise. And i’d never treat him like a kid. I still want him to be a man but i want him to want me to be in charge of things like travel plans, dinner plans, etc

[EltonJohnz]

to come and think of it, it would leave a bit of pressure of me. so, in the end if i'm paying i wouldn't mind.

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz i would pay for myself

[Alpha4U]

@EltonJohnz see, she is a masculine woman. It will always fail if you dont wear the pants in the relationship. Trust me

[EltonJohnz]

for me i don't consider making plans has anything to do with dominicne but the you paying part is a turn off, when a man and a woman become a couple the man has to pay in my book, it's a piace of a full pictures by paying i feel i can make her feel safe and that i'm always there for her and that i'm useful. if she dosnt consider how i feel about this then she never cared about me.

[EltonJohnz]

you work and buy yourself stuff but the rent and essntial stuff should be on me

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz i always take his opinion into consideration. And as for rent and eveything, i prefer to split. I never wanna feel like i owe him. So i rather we do half and half

[EltonJohnz]

you don't owe him anything even if you broke up. love doesn't know such thing as "owe" and if i lost my job or im tight on money i wouldn't mind asking her to help me with the rent and stuff.

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz well a lot of guys feel you owe them sexual favors if they pay for stuff so i’ve always paid for my own stuff

[EltonJohnz]

maybe that's just in your calture.

[EltonJohnz]

its like you're saying if a girl isn't in the mood, i should kick her out of the house, maybe you're confused between prostition and relationships

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz how is it culture related? I’m American and have dated black, white, Asian, and hispanic men 🤔

[EltonJohnz]

well, all those people are under one calture which is American culture. if you go to africa, middle east and lots of parts of asia you would see different relationship outlooks.

[EltonJohnz]

woman are considered literally like queens and the mothers of civilizations and guys have to respect that

[EltonJohnz]

you should respect your girl like you respect your mother.

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz yes but the point I was making is that we’re both American... you and i... but no i dont sell sex. I’d turn the guy down. I’m just telling you how some guys think

[EltonJohnz]

and my point was that you shouldn't judge a guy if he considers being a man in a relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz when did you make that point? Because i didn't judge you. I simply said WHY i pay for myself

[EltonJohnz]

can you just say i will gladly let you pay for me if i was your girl😠

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz can you not get mad at a girl for wanting to cover her own fees 🙄

[EltonJohnz]

well, i can't so lets just end it here. hope i won't come a cross a girl with high testastrone level as you. 🙄

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz hope i won't cross another guy who doesn't see the benefits in splitting the bill ✌️

[Alpha4U]

@EltonJohnz I told you.

[EltonJohnz]

@Alpha4U these types of girls what i call angry chihuahuas.

[EltonJohnz]

they see everything has to be with benefits even love.

[Alpha4U]

@EltonJohnz feminism man... feminism destroyed women.

[EltonJohnz]

@Alpha4U i completely agree, it has caused hatrd and mistrust but we also have to consider our behaviors too. men aren't wise anymore

[DizzyDesii]

@EltonJohnz im not even a feminist but you can kindly leave my opinion cause im tired of you both blowing up my notifs

[EltonJohnz]

@DizzyDesii i feel ya, my apologies😂

[Alpha4U]

@EltonJohnz Yes. a lot of men are not doing ok too.

[Finchie40]

It’s a turn on to a certain extent, but if it
Goes on for too long , then she will lose interest , if a guy can’t turn the table around , she will be turned off eventually and probably look elsewhere, because she feels he is a coward and weak , Girls need reassurance that she has a man to be turned on , so when he doesn’t take her shit anymore and makes it clear to her that he isn’t a coward and basically makes it clear that he will be ok without her , she will be on her knees , Girl’s love drama and the game of chase , why it’s best to play her game , even though we don’t really care for games but to keep her , we have to play it , so yes we love her taking charge at times and if we let her take charge then it’s best to make sure to take charge in bed and make her submissive , then she will stay lol if we are submissive to her outside the bedroom and submissive to her in the bedroom she will leave , it’s best to play both sides to keep the spark alive , Most Girl’s aren’t easy they are very complicated if a guy really likes a girl he will play her games.

[lolman95]

It might be my crooked observation but it seems like a lot of women are discussing this topic online of taking "charge" in a relationship and I don't get this concept. It's just two people, what are you taking charge of and why would you need to take one? Is helping me when i need it taking "charge"? Is making a decision we both agree on taking "charge"? Is selecting where we should go have fun taking "charge"? If it is, that'd be the saddest leader tbh. If no, then i'm clueless please help me understand "charge".

[TurboKid]

Yes but more like I'm a failure as a man. I had an ex one time who moved into my place and she took over. She redecorated my whole place. She cooked for me all the time. She got all nosy about my health and job. She resembled a mother. But I found myself so lazy with her like I'd sit around and play video games all day. I was happy to let her take on all the hardships at home. I stopped taking pride in stepping up to the plate.

My wife is much more balanced that way. She steps aside and kind of knows how to give me my share of responsibilities so that I at least feel like I'm important and contributing. I like this way better where I got my own balance of the workload. And she lets me make executive decisions although she'll let me know what she wants so that I can balance out her desires with my own.

I think men need their share of responsibilities and feeling important to thrive.

[Ditto626]

Honestly I wouldn't mind if the woman takes charge of a lot of things as long as she doesn't believe she owns me and treats me like a servant. If she respects me and values my input on stuff then I'm happy. But if it's stuff like home decor then she has full control. I'm picking the appliances though.

[TruthBringer]

It's more than a turn-off. It's a dealbreaker. For both me AND my girlfriend. I am and have always been in charge within the relationship. And every girl who I have dated would not have it any other way.

I've always been the masculine type who takes on the lead. So you won't ever see me with a woman trying to "take charge". ANd neither will she ever succeed.

[CaliDad]

Honestly - as a man regularly in control of others as a job, it would be really nice to have an aggressive woman take me to bed (or wherever she wants to play). Getting a "brain break" in not having to plan and take charge of absolutely everything in my life would be pretty awesome. I've been with one woman that took charge like this sometimes. It was liberating. Fact is, it's super rare. That's a long way of saying yes... it's a turn on when a woman is able to take charge over sex.

[Mofunfour20]

I wouldn't pick a woman that needs to be in charge because men can't expect for a woman to be equipped to handle a mans problems. If a man needs a woman to take charge and come up with solutions it says a lot about his leadership qualities, and sense of purpose. Turn off because women that have these traits are guaranteed to cause themselves and their partner emotional chaos. To each their own but thats a red flag to me

[Captaincrunch2215]

I don’t think anyone should be “in charge”. That implies having power over someone which is toxic. But I believe that someone should be the leader as in once there is an agreement that person takes the first step to cary it out. It’s all about balance. Sometimes you take the lead and other times you let him take the lead. Just don’t talk down to one another

[michael1469]

Depends on the subject. If its HR related i am fine with it. Financial... her thing it buy n hold... i would sell and find another distressed asset...

One asset has appreciated 1612% in 5yrs. We could sell and be debt free... houses, businesses etc etc. Even after all debt is paid we would still have a reasonable dividend income from it. That piece of mind is priceless.

[Leavesbound]

"You come here! You're my boyfriend now! Now pleasure me!" is hot.
"Buy me stuff! You can't go fishing today it's time to go shopping!" is not.

[Xyglo27]

Yes!!
It's not just a turn off, its a deal breaker!!

I'm the man, I'm the leader, Im the one who is supposed to be in charge of the relationship not my woman!!! 😠👎🏽

[DJB72]

No. I like a strong woman. Nothing sexier than confidence

[Shaggy_KW]

For me, definitely. Takes the pressure off of me having to do everything to make the relationship work because women are confusing. I like when the woman has control in the bedroom too, not like anything weird but she decides what we do.

[DaveToo]

Neither should be in charge. It's a collaboration between two wills. When one takes the lead it can lead to divorce.

[DaveToo]

For those who don't like my answer, enjoy your divorces.

[bamesjond0069]

When one doesn't take the lead it will lead to divorce.

[DaveToo]

@bamesjond0069 How very misogynistic of you. It's the male dominance syndrome. So instead of allowing all voices to be heard, you are suggesting that yours should be heard above your mate's.

[bamesjond0069]

Where did i say it had to be the man? Very sexist of you to assume. You assume men when i say lead. Tsk tsk tsk.

[The_Maphio]

Do one of the two usually take charge in the relationship? I didn't even gather that. Or I never cared enough.

[VanillaSalt]

Give me an example where she leads. Confidence is sexy but I’m not going to be led around all the time by a woman who has control issues.

[serious]

According to me if a woman has power in the relationship but decides to use it only selectively then it can actually do wonders for the relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's great that she has the ability to take charge, especially on things she is better suited to. And has a sense of individual autonomy.
If she wants to manage me, she needs to do it with love otherwise I don't see it working well.

[NathanDavis]

I really don't know what this implies exactly, so I can't answer properly.

[TomGarand]

She means who is more dominant in the relationship. Who "wears the pants."

She's asking you if it's attractive or unattractive if your woman is/was the dominant one in your relationship.

[NathanDavis]

@TomGarand There's at least two dozens of aspects in a relationship that I can think of and it is unrealistic (to me anyway) to think that each and every of those aspects will be lead by either the man or the woman.

[RCLJT]

She can be in charge if she wants to, that’s less crap I have to worry about, mailing bills, where to shop, where to dine out, when to replace the dinosaur disposal and fridge