Does the woman set the pace in the relationship?

[red324]

It's the guys job to show interest and such, but we all know how women tend to get flaky and weird on us for reasons that aren't necessarily the guys fault. Who knows everytime I go with the flow, but still keep in touch, they still disappear eventually it just takes longer.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has set the pace of our relationship since the beginning. He decided when to introduce me to friends and family. He brought up traveling together the first time. He incorporated me into his life and hobbies little by little, and honestly, I preferred it that way. It's worked for us.

[red324]

Do you mind giving a brief timeline?

[Opinion Owner]

I'll try?

Mid-Feb 2020: First date. We were pretty much inseparable right from the start.

Mid-March 2020: Had plans to go to a concert with his friends. This would've been my first time meeting them, but the concert got cancelled due to COVID. Around this time, he also kept bringing up all the vacations we could take together, etc.

May 2020: Met 3 of his closest friends, his brother, sister, nephew, cousins, etc. At this point, we'd also made plans to go to Hawaii for his birthday in September, which we had to cancel due to COVID.

July 2020: Was invited to his brother's house for 4th of July. Met his nieces/goddaughters, who I now adore!

September 2020: Took our first trip together. Wasn't Hawaii unfortunately, but we ended up going somewhere a few hours from home so we could drive instead of fly. Spent an entire week together, 24/7 for 7 days straight. The day we got back from this trip, it was his sister-in-law's bday so there was a dinner going on at his brother's house. I was invited, and his entire family was going to be there. Met his parents.

October 2020: Was invited by his sister to participate in the family Secret Santa for Christmas.

December 2020: Spent Christmas with his family.

Today: Planning tons of trips - Hawaii again, Europe, etc. Included in all of his family events, holidays, etc. We talk to each other about work issues, health problems, money stuff. We talk as though we're going to just always be together, like we don't hesitate to make plans for a year or two from now. He fixes my car. I shop for his clothes lol (at his request).

Ok, so that wasn't "brief" but hopefully it helps! Let me know if you have any other questions :)

[red324]

It helps. You forgot April. Lol I always have trouble figuring out how fast I should take things without being too persistent. After 2 months and like 4 dates and probably 40hrs of phone conversations I wanted to surprise her by driving 1.5hrs to see her. I think that's where it went off the rails. Asked a family member for her address who apparently doesn't know the definition of a surprise and she found out.

[red324]

I thought it would make a good impression, but I never heard from her again...

[Opinion Owner]

And how did she react when she found out you were planning to drive up to see her? Also, random question, but after only 2 months, you have a way to contact her family member?

[red324]

Her cousin is my friend and lives close by me. She was the one i asked for the address. She friend zoned me like a week later and I never heard from her again. I guess trying to visit her was a bad idea. Maybe too soon.

[red324]

I never did visit because the cousin didn't give me her address.

[Opinion Owner]

How did you meet this girl? Were you total strangers up until 2 months ago? i. e. online dating, etc? Or were you friends previously?

[red324]

Strangers but I knew her cousin for like 4 years so the girl I liked knew I wasn't a bad guy or anything.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, hard to say. Maybe she wasn't comfortable with you asking for her address. Maybe she didn't like that you asked her cousin instead of asking her directly. Maybe she felt like you coming to her house implied something sexual. Or maybe she liked having this be a LDR that happened mostly over the phone. I had a similar situation with a guy I was once talking to. I had known him since high school and had always had a crush on him. Fast forward like 10 years later, we reconnected and started texting non-stop for months. He lived 30 min away from me and worked 15 min away from me. Whenever I'd suggest seeing him, he'd always make some excuse. I finally realized that he was not over his previous relationship and liked the companionship of having someone to talk to, but he didn't want it to become too real, so he always kept me at a distance.

[red324]

The cousin was fine with it. She was a but off her meds and couldn't focus for more than 30 seconds at a time. I've never dated a girl that was able to have a discussion with me if I'm doing something that irritates her. They all just ghost me with no explanation given. So if I don't hear from a girl for a couple weeks then I tend to go in panic mode and just assume another one dumped me. I don't call 15 thousand times but I will start texting and asking hey are you okay, did I do something wrong etc. It is what it is. Thanks for giving me your time line. I don't think I'm too far off from what you do.

[Anonymous]

Your problem as I've said before is that you move too slowly. The reason they disappear is precisely because you allow them to set the pace.

[red324]

Yes but I think the women have their own issues too.
It's either they aren't interested but just don't want to say so.
They are insecure and don't see how I even like them. (broken girls)
I'm too persistent and scare them off.
They're fucking crazy. I went on a date with a girl and texted more after we got home, then I didn't text her until the next night and she already lined up a date with another guy and basically told me to fuck myself. I'm not a cheater so I'll let you know what happens with this guy now. (Well didn't you cheat on my technically?)
Or I play it cool and just go with the flow. I never get it right with the correct girl.

[red324]

Playing it cool seems to be the worst because it ends the same only much more time is wasted with texting back and forth over a month or two then only to get ghosted.

[Opinion Owner]

Are they attractive or average?

[red324]

I'd say between 6-8

[Opinion Owner]

What would you rate yourself?

[red324]

The same. lol

[red324]

I mean years ago i'd go for super hot girls, but i've lowered my standards and have a pretty large range of body types and such that i'd go for.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you’re not chubby chasing? That might be why they wonder why you’re into them.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it seems that way