Is it normal for women to control so much of the relationship?

Question

So when we first started dating I had a shower curtain up of my favorite nfl team in my apartment she goes that’s not going in the bathroom if we get a place together. She would often just suddenly move furniture and the arrangement of the room without talking to me I would just get home and the apartment would look different

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

It's hard to say whether this is normal or not. It depends, I guess on the dynamic between the two of you.

Often, a guys decorating choices from his single life, IS told it's not going to come to the place you live together.

I think it's actually pretty normal for decorating choices in a couples first place together... is 95% controlled by the woman.

Again, it's hard to say, when it comes to not playing certain songs.

That is reasonable in cases where, say, it gives her a headache. You listen to some music genre that has the ability to drive a person fucking nuts if they aren't a fan (like electronic dance, or free-form jazz).

Or even if she hates specific, particular songs (but... maybe like 2 max)

I think that the important thing is that you feel that she is controlling you in ways you aren't ok with. That;s a problem.

You need to:

1. tell her how you feel

2. listen to what she has to say about where she's coming from, and how she reacts to what you've just told her.

3. Come to some sort of understanding where everyone is content, and nobody feels things are not right and fair.

It requires you to open up to her about what you don't like about how she is behaving. Be specific.

BUT it requires her to be open to actually trying to hear you. And requires her to be open to changing.

You are going to need to talk about it as a couple. If she is not willing to listen to you, when you're telling her how she is making you feel. (She denies she's controlling, is dismissive, get angry etc) You are with the wrong woman.

(I wish I could give you a firm yes or no about this being normal. If you tell me more about your relationship, and other examples of her doing things of the same type)

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

It happened because you are weak.

If you set her straight the first time it happened it wouldn't have happened again.

NAME, this is my home and I will not have you changing my property and residence without my permission. Don't let that happen again.

A woman that is wife worthy or long term girlfriend worthy will say "I'm sorry, you are right, I won't do that again" and she'll act accordingly.

If she argues and tries to spin it back on you and becomes combative... if she actually redecorates again on her own. You just dump her. Bye.

Did you set her straight? Did you establish the boundaries for your home? She is a guest, it is not her home it is your home? Do that first and then come back and talk to us. If she disrespects you then dump her.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

When it comes to how the place looks, that’s likely to happen, because men simply don’t put as much thought and effort into the interior design.
I consult with my husband mostly because most my domestic skills are fair to poor, and I’m indecisive af, but most women take more initiative in that arena. If you want more of a say, then you’re going to have to put in the legwork for it.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

When it comes to how certain rooms or spaces look them down, but beyond that if she is overstepping you have to tell her to stop.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh boy, sounds like a classic power play! Balancing control can be a game of tug-of-war in relationships. What you're describing can be a red flag if it's making you feel like you're losing your personal space in the relationship. Compromise is key here. 💪 Try having a heart-to-heart about how you both want to handle decor decisions together. Every great team needs collaboration, even the ones with shower curtain-loved logos! 🏈💖

ShellyB · Answer

Honestly what you described sounds normal, like not to be annoying if this is a sore subject, but did you thank her? It sounds like she’s doing good things here, unless the furniture arrangement was crazy or anything. With the shower curtain. you didn’t say she took it down in your apartment (which I agree might be a step too far) just said it wouldn’t be there if you shared an apartment which is reasonable. JMO I hope I am not stepping in the middle of a heated dispute!

Summeroflove · Answer

I think it’s negative when someone has too much control. I understand people may play different roles in a relationship but it shouldn’t be manipulative either. It also shouldn’t be one sided if it is people need to remove themselves from it

AviatorTom · Answer

I guess it depends on the man. For me, and most of my guy friends, the woman seems to be mostly in control, but not all the time, and not for all things. The woman generally does take control of furniture, wall colors, etc.

Finchie40 · Answer

No, it sounds like she has OCD , Good luck with that shit lol

LifeHitMeandRan · Answer

Depends on your dynamic, but the key thing is that you have a say and she is not being controlling.

Arranging things without letting me know first? That wouldn't fly with me. Ideally I WILL let my woman take care of any type of interior design, but I DO need to be told ahead of time and agree to the changes.

I am ex-military and I put things a certain way because I'm used to placing things in an efficient way to get what I need quickly. Also, the way I arrange things alerts me if something has been bothered. If I'm not told ahead of time, this will really mess with me.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Dude, she isn't controlling anything. She's figured out you're a pushover. You can always say "No". You can put the furniture where you want it when she goes out too. And you can always tell her it's not working for you. Don't like my music? Tough.

You've allowed her to think she can control you. You demonstrate no self respect. She was paying attention to that. She doesn't respect you either. Good luck changing that relationship dynamic. Expect lots of drama when you try. Never, ever, let it get this far.

SolitarySolace · Answer

This situation isn’t about whether women control relationships—it’s about an imbalance in decision-making and respect for personal space. In a healthy relationship, both partners should have a say in how things are arranged, from decor to music choices. If one partner is unilaterally making all the decisions and dismissing the other’s preferences, that’s a sign of control, not compromise. Relationships thrive on mutual respect and discussion, not one-sided dominance.

If this person feels like their opinions and personal tastes are being erased, they need to have an open conversation with their partner about boundaries and shared decision-making.
- Eva ❤️

MisterWack · Answer

Rearranging of the furniture, making sure things are a certain way, and all is normal. Your apartment is your apartment, when you two are living together it is ‘our home’ so makes sense to expect that.

The only thing weird is the rejecting your music choices and controlling you from listening to it… That crosses the line as a ‘red flag’ for me.

DJB72 · Answer

Congratulations. You've found today's "Red Flag Incarnate".

Run, brother. And being grateful she's shown her colours before you marry her.

There's some points of compromise, but if she's rearranging YOUR furniture when you don't live together it's not going to get better.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I mean, it's kinda normal for women to do that, but not letting you listen to certain songs like you're her child, is a but too much.. You'll have to at least put a little bit of a foot down if you wanna keep what respect her has for you left..

Abbycado · Answer

Not for me. We make decisions together. We don’t live together right now, but we do decide on things together. I’ll make suggestions, but we both come to a decision.

NicholasRedone · Answer

That stock photo woman looked hot with her hair up - usually I find in my life experience coupled with my brain imagination 👀 🌈- I prefer a woman who's a lot like me, just submissive lol 🤣😆 💕😘

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

Sounds about right lol it's just part of having a girl in your life

Shiprex · Answer

She's playing a manipulation game to see how far she can push your wishes. Don't simp out lad. Have some spine and tell her your Scooby Doo bedspread IS STAYING and the Snoopy condiments set is for the kitchen. That will put her in her place.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Thats wxcessive control without communication. Women ate nest builders and this one going to cause stress…to manage.

tzdc21 · Answer

Sounds like you abd your girlfriend need to have a talk or go to couples therapy. Because that's not acceptable behavior.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

That kind of thing happens a fair amount, so it's normal in that sense.  It's sure as hell not healthy though.

RingOfFire · Answer

Rule number one:  Women rule the way the house is decorated.  If you're ever in doubt go back and read rule number one.

sophie123469 · Answer

She sounds like a control freak. You shouldn’t be with a partner who doesn’t respect your hobbies or interests.

Anonymous · Answer

She's emotionally moving in and making it her own space. It's a girl thing. Sounds like she's planning to stay.  Not a problem unless you're feeling stifled.

Anonymous · Answer

An NFL shower curtain.  No wonder that was taken down. So tacky.

scott04sa22 · Answer

That's not normal, it's unhealthy, not good and it's huge red flags. Seek help if it's happening to you

LiamJHayden · Answer

Women usually control relationships, either openly or surreptitiously.  .

In_Trance · Answer

This is exactly why there's no need to rush into things.  Give it time and you'll see someone's true colors shine through

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Not normal.

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

just leave?

Is it normal for women to control so much of the relationship?

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