How do you find out what a man needs without directly asking him?

[Anonymous]

I think my last 2 relationships taught me in the importance of needs being met. I think I didn't meet my first boyfriends critical need which was to have peace. The reason we didn't have peace was just as much his fault and actually caused by his own carelessness. I only reacted to his behavior. But I've grown to understand that I could have handled things in a way that didn't take away his peace... only protected my own. I could have still left gracefully or just acted more mature. I didn't have to be weak all I had to do was maintain my dignity. My second boyfriend made no effort to meet my needs and again things turned sour due to the loss of love that started to occur. So this time I think I have a fresh start with a guy I really like. So far I have been trying to stay in a good light to him. I wouldn't be trying so hard if I didn't genuinely like him so I'm not faking just putting my best foot forward. I want him to associate the thought of me to positive emotions. The best way to do that is to meet his needs. He meets mine so far so I want to also meet his needs. My goal is to keep him incentivised to keep doing what I like. Basically I want him to stay motivated to do the right things in the relationship. So far he has told me in different ways that his needs are being met. I pay attention to small details to make sure I'm always aware of how he feels. but I understand that people are complex and need things that they may not speak about. I want to figure out what his needs are without directly asking him. I don't want him to think I'm trying to manipulate him into loving me' but I want to know what it takes to keep him happy. BUT I don't want him to know because I believe that people take you for granted in a heartbeat if they think they have you wrapped around their finger. My goal is to just maintain a healthy relationship.

[Oliverlogan263]

Alright here's what I think:

The best way to understand a guy's needs without directly asking is to pay close attention over time. Spend quality time together doing different activities - you'll start to pickup on little things he responds really well to, or things that seem to stress him out.

For example, does he relax and open up more when you listen without judgment vs trying to give advice? Take mental notes. Does he light up talking about his hobbies or sports? Make an effort to show interest in those things.

Pay attention to small body language cues too - is he more relaxed and happy when you hug/cuddle vs keeping distance? Little affection gestures can go a long way.

Really listen when he does open up about stuff bothering him too, even if he doesn't say it's a "need". He'll appreciate you caring how he feels.

Overall just make an effort to understand him as a person - his likes, dislikes, what drains him vs energizes him. The more you know him the better you'll be at meeting his deeper needs without directly asking.

But also make sure to communicate your own needs - a good relationship is about meeting each other halfway. As long as you both try your best, that's all that really matters in the end!

[Coden7]

I’d also add to not interrupt whatever he does to decompress from a long day. Some guys watch TV, play games, read a book. Some guys like to go out, and probably take you with them. The happier couples I know, know how their partner recharges their mental battery

[Kaneki05]

You don't want him to think your manipulating him but you are lol. Not saying your manipulating for negative reasons but it's still manipulation.
And since I am not very good at that, I have no clue what the answer is to this sorry.

But I do think if your trying so hard to keep said person that kinda defeats the purpose of finding someone who wants you for you.
And you aren't letting him see if he wants you for you. And theoretically you can keep up the manipulation but I don't know feels like one slip and one day that's all going to go wrong, but maybe your just that great at it.
Personally I wouldn't risk it and would rather find out right away if they want me for me and not be dealing with someone who would take me for granted to dodge that bullet right away.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I just asked directly we have that level of trust in each other to where we're not scared to be direct

[Machette]

I don't typically give this type of relationship advice, but I think you're on the right track so here are my thoughts.

You said your first boyfriend needed peace in his life. All men want peace in their life. So ask yourself "How can I help bring peace to his life?" Find tasks that annoy him or that he isn't very good at and do them for him. Here is one example. I am terrible at getting my mail from my mailbox. Like I drive by it all the time but never get my mail but once every two weeks maybe. During my last relationship my girlfriend would get the mail for me and bring it in every day she came over. I appreciated her doing that and always thought fondly of her when I saw my mail on my kitchen counter. Think of a few things like that that your new guy could really use help with and just ask him if he wants you to do x for him. Don't over think the asking part and don't force it. Just ask. If your on the right track then he will let you.

[JacobJordan]

This is going to send so stereotypical but it really is the easiest approach when dealing with a guy. Keep him fed. Don't be loud (as in don't make his life more difficult) and keep him happy in the bedroom. Those 3 things cover basically everything a guy "needs" anything else he will either share or take care of himself. In turn you gotta make sure he meets your needs. Do that and you'll be just fine

[Anonymous]

Feed me what I usually enjoy and I’ll tell you what else makes me happy.

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

I like to know that too

[whistlingwh0res]

looking at your dog

[Anonymous]

You have to ask