Why am I drawn to unhealthy relationships? How did this happen repeatedly?

[justkoala]

I'm always in an unhealthy relationship and i can't get out of it.

[ephedrine]

Dealing with a pattern of unhealthy relationships can feel like you're stuck in a loop, where despite your best intentions, you end up in similar situations over and over. It's like being drawn to a type of food that you know isn't good for you, but you can't help craving it. Let's unpack this a bit, like we're solving a puzzle together.

Familiar Patterns: Sometimes, we subconsciously seek out what's familiar, even if it's not healthy. It's like if you grew up in a household where certain dynamics were present, you might unknowingly find similar dynamics comforting or normal, even when they're not ideal.
Low Self-Esteem: This can be a big factor. When you don't feel great about yourself, you might think that you don't deserve better, or you might not recognize how much worth you truly have. It's like looking in a distorted mirror that doesn't reflect your real value.
Fear of Being Alone: This fear can sometimes lead you to settle for less-than-great relationships, just to avoid being single. ​
Thrill of Drama: Believe it or not, some people find a kind of excitement in the highs and lows of tumultuous relationships. ​
Rescuer Mentality: If you have a nurturing side, you might find yourself drawn to partners who seem like they need 'saving'. It's like being a natural caregiver, but sometimes at the cost of your own well-being.
Repeating Cycles: Once you've been in an unhealthy relationship, it can sometimes distort your perception of what's normal, leading you to repeat the cycle without realizing it.

The good news is, recognizing the pattern is the first big step toward breaking it. It's like realizing you're in a maze – now that you know, you can start finding your way out. Working on self-love and self-respect, and maybe even talking to a therapist or counselor, can be incredibly helpful. It's about rewiring that part of your brain that says, "This is what I deserve," and replacing it with, "I deserve so much better." You're on the right track just by asking these questions, and that takes courage and self-awareness. You've got this! 💪🌟

[Anonymous]

Does the men you are attracted to look like this:

Then girl. We’re all in the same boat. You’re doing what your biology asks of you. Choose the best genes 🧬 out of the Pool. The reason they don’t stick around is because they have multiple options.

And so far in the 2020’s most men have lost their testosterone. Leaving us ladies fighting over scarps.

And us fighting over scarps, a select few of good health and good genes. Is what is causing the men to abandon you, ghost you, and ignore you.

It’s ok, you’re not alone. Literally all of us are suffering the effects of atrazine and flouride in the water destroying men. Both men and women.

Many women are just choosing weak men, simple minded men. And unattractive men to have a marriage and a partner. However the woman is 10x more likely to cheat and not have any sex with him. EVERYONE IS SUFFERING.

You have two options now; continue to date and tolerate the behavior of the healthy men. Good genes 🧬 men. Or find an undesirable that has no female attention. It’s the only way to cope. Or rather be fine being all alone and cope.

[Anonymous]

You need to be around better people. I was surrounded by really toxic people all the time - I changed that and almost instantly met a beautiful person. You need to identify who is a good person early on and only give them your respect, don't waste it on those who disrespect you.

You really need to take an introspective look at yourself as well. If you know you're cutting too much slack for these guys, then stop doing it until you've found someone who respects you enough to not make you do so. They are out there, never think that you're trapped in this cycle.

It's okay to say no to a relationship.

[caring__1]

You've identified your problem. When we use the word "can't," our brain shuts down to even considering other options. It's fine to say "I haven't," but using "can't" is like wearing a ball and chain and dragging it everywhere you go.

I also found myself in this situation, as I've always been drawn to a physical type of women that isn't promoted in our society. Therefore, women I enjoy looking at tend to feel defective and inadequate. It's no fun being with someone who doesn't feel good about what she brings to the relationship. To avoid this constant disappointment, I expanded what I found acceptable. That doesn't mean I started seeking out those who were the opposite of my ideal, but I became more flexible. I found the overall package to be much more satisfying than I did when I limited my options.

Look at your role in the situation, as that's all you truly have control over. What are you attracted to, and how do those qualities impact you? Are there other ways to achieve what you are seeking? Look for alternatives to meet your needs rather than insist on continuing what is familiar to you. For instance, it isn't uncommon for women to be drawn to the "bad boy" image. They believe these bad boys will be strong enough to protect them. What they generally discover is these guys are just as likely to use their strength against these women as to protect them.

You're the only one in control of your choices. Make your choices wisely... making sure the choices you make take you in the direction of your long-term objectives.

[Yannae]

When doing a flip that I know I can do but am scared to do, I will sometimes say "Just do it" and I commit. Yes it's on a mattress, but I still committed to doing something I'm scared of. Remove all the thoughts you have and just do it. That's how to get out of them, you just break it up with no second thoughts, no matter how nasty the breakup gets. You will see it through.

And to avoid it... find similarities from your past experiences to pick up on when getting to know somebody new.

[CaptainOverthink]

Maybe you're moving too fast into relationships?
Maybe you could spend more time on intellectual levels with your date and watch how they behaves in different environments, you'd know better what type of a person they are that way. And then moving on ahead with making a relationship.
Learn to balance your feelings about someone with what you can prove they are; Intuition vs Rationality.

[Flatmanlewis]

Perhaps you have a internal need to help people. In order to help people, of course, you must therefore locate people who need help. It’s great that you are aware you are drawn to unhealthy relationships, but the real question is what are you going to do about it?

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

It doesn’t help that femextemists have distilled men into 2 distinct categories: fuckboys and soyboys. There is less and less inbetween. The harder they push for men to throw away their “toxic masculinity” the more good men will become soyboys, leaving masculinity intact mostly in fuckboys.

[Joshydavid25]

It's probably because it's all you've known.. You also probably have an unhealthy relationship with one or both of your parents so you really either don't know how to have a healthy relationship, or you are so used to unhealthy ones that healthy ones scare you..

[Anonymous]

Anytime a G@Ger has this problem I always recommend this video. It's not going to FIX your problem but it might help give you an idea of why you choose the relationships you do. Which in turn help prevent you from choosing them. Or at the very least navigate those relationships in a healthier manner.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hvysy11716g

[JacobJordan]

because you are not a healthy person so you attract other non healthy people. the best way to fix that is to focus on yourself for a bit. focus on healing, feeling better, be more happy etc and then see what happens

[Anonymous]

who was like that in your life growing up? Like your dad? Some male family figure you looked up to? Could be from your mom as well if she was in those types of relationship ships. You learned it from somewhere.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I think the first thing to do is look at yourself understand yourself and then talk to your parents unless they're divorced.

[NathanDavis]

I believe... Taylor Swift has written plenty on this...

not sure, but I think so... lol

[FunkyMonkee]

You're a woman! Case closed!! Women have SHIT taste in men and ALWAYS pick the fucking losers over the nice guys!!

[Fireguy17]

it might be because of how you were raised, so it feels more "normal" to you.
We are all a product of our environment.

[haana]

because you’re bound on your past trauma, You not growing up seeing how good man looks like

[Andres77]

Do you have a history of trauma or an abusive/alcoholic/absent father?

[Chthou95]

You're turned on by the drama. You love that toxic shit and will never change

[Tigerress]

Due to bad experiences

[KrakenAttackin]

You are addicted to pretty fuck boys.

[HouseMoat]

The immature attract the immature

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

It's psychological actually

[Bellawiththefatass]

You attract bad energy

[jahaims]

Unresolved trauma

[FoyLee]

Oh no !