I don't want kids but she does. Is it worth agreeing to have kids in order to stay with a woman?

[Anonymous]

I've never loved anyone like her before and I know we will never stay together if I say I don't want kids.

It's worth it

It's not worth it

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a really tough situation to be in. Having kids is a HUGE commitment, so it's not something you should do lightly or just to please someone else. Some things to consider:

- Is not wanting kids a dealbreaker for you? Like if you had them would you resent it over time? That wouldn't be fair to the kids.

- Could you come to a compromise, like only having one kid instead of multiple? Meet halfway somehow.

- What if you agreed to revisit the discussion in a few years after you've been together longer? Kids decision doesn't need to be made right away.

- Relationship counseling could help sort through feelings in a healthy way without rushed decisions.

- Be really sure this girl is forever worth changing your mind on something so important. Kids change everything.

Only you know how strongly you feel about being childfree. But don't say yes to kids just to keep her if deep down you'll be miserable. That helps no one in the long run. An honest talk is needed, even if it means ending things. Tough as that may be. Putting off big convos will only make it messier later bro. You've got this!

[Finchie40]

If you don’t want kids , then you are best to end it with her , so she can move on and find someone that wants to have kids with her , if you love her like you say you do , then love her enough to let her go, , don’t force yourself to do something , you don’t want to do just to appease someone else , you will more than likely resent her and blame her within time , for pushing you to do something you don’t want to do , Having kids is a huge responsibility and it isn’t meant for everyone , so it’s ok to be honest to her about your decision not to have kids , but it’s not ok , if you string her along not giving her what she wants , she will eventually resent you and be angry at you for misleading her and stringing her on. You are best to just end the relationship with her and go your separate ways

[IslaTheWitch]

The problem is that the ones who will be really hurt are kids. If you don't want them, then don't have them. Don't create a new life which will grow up missing one or both parents.

It's not a game. Kids mean emotional and financial commitment for many years.

[Apple1996]

Nope find a woman that also doesn't want kids so that you are compatible with her

[OlderAndWiser]

The question to ask is not whether you think it is worth it now. The question is. . . 10 years from now, when you have a 2 year old, a 5 year old, and a 9 year old, and you can't do what you want to do, whenever you want to do it, because you are a daddy. . . will you resent the children, will you resent your wife, or will you simply resent the compromise that you made?

[Avicenna]

That would be beyond insane and totally unfair to all parties involved. Be honest with her- you two may decide that you're not the right person for each other. And that is much better than deceiving her and later wanting out of the relationship, let alone the negative effects on a child.

[AviatorTom]

You'd be doing her and her kids a disservice. Let her find someone who wants to raise a family with her, and find someone else for you.

[JacobJordan]

you don't just say you want kids if you don't. I have 3 kids and they are A LOT of work even with both my wife and I home with them all the time. if you want kids you want kids. but you need to WANT them because if you don't then you will not pitch in as you should and that will destroy both your lives. she'll likely leave you and get child support from you. and you'll forever regret making such a dumb choice as to lie about wanting them when you are losing 1k or so a month to raise a child you didn't want originally.

[loveslongnails]

You must be out of your mind to even consider this. When a kid is born, the woman's priority shifts almost ENTIRELY to the child, as it probably should for both parents. She'll expect you to do your share, whatever that will be. Since you don't want kids, you'll resent every second of it, and eventually her too, but you'll have the responsibility of being a father. She'll end up resenting you and voila -- dysfunctional family.

Each of you needs to find someone else who wants the same thing. End it now, buddy, and do the right thing for both of you now and any eventual children for her. Walk away.

[lightbulb27]

Examine why you dont want… get emotional therapy, and see if you reconsider. She won't change your mind.
Life changes every 10 years so get used to that. Kids are possibly part of that process and there are no guarantees.
It is a serious job but good one as well.

[MrNameless]

As someone who just broke up because I was in your woman's situation, and the woman I dated didn't want kids... It's likely not gonna work out.

I told her I wouldn't pressure her into having kids. I wanted to go as far as I can, but we had a fight while she was on vacation and we broke up.

You're still young. Question is.. Are you open to having kids in 10 years?

[DJB72]

The real question is why wouldn't you want to have kids with her if she's so incredible?

If you don't want kids then tell her and deal with the fallout. Bear in mind that she's been thinking about the guy she wants to be the father of her kids far longer than you've graced her with your presence. If she's saying it's you then that's a huge deal. Kids won't save the relationship and they'll be the ones who suffer if you split up because you resent them taking up her time.

[Lynxistp]

Your goals in life are incompatible. Having kids is a huge deal and changes your day to day life for the next 20 years, you also can't meet halfway on it- hence, it's a dealbreaker if your views don't align.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

No. I did this and while I love my daughter and did end up adopting siblings children whom they couldn't take care of, I didn't really want children.

I simply regret having a child with my wife at the time just because she wanted one.

[SolsticeSnow]

No. Children should have parents who want them.

Also it's unlikely a relationship will survive kids if one party doesn't want the kids in the first place.

[exitseven]

It depends on how much you dont want kids. They are a lot of work and not for everyone. If you are just unsure if you don't want kids msybe you should do it. but of you hate kids you should forget about it.

[Andres77]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/04xOsNW7zTA

Don’t doom your children to the bitterness that awaits them after you realize that you should have ended it sooner

[electromagnetic]

Not worth it. Run actually. If y’all cannot agree on offsprings, it’ll be a bigger fight later. I’ve seen it in so many relationships.

[TheUniqueOne96]

Nope.

Man or woman, you should find someone who's on the same page as yourself when it comes to having kids.

[BoopBoopBeep]

20-28% of women don't ever want kids. There's 4 billion plus in the world. That's a conservative 800 million to chose from. Have at it.

[LazerBean]

No, children deserve a parent who actually wants them. Find someone who you are compatible with

[KatherineJ]

No, that’s an important disagreement. If she wants to be a mom and you don’t want to be a dad, it seems to me like a deal breaker for both of you.

[RasmusAiken]

Definitely a NO. Don't begin a relationship in which you must be dishonest. Women deserve better.

[dreamstar72]

It’s not fair to her she has a dream. It is different from yours so why would you give her hope. Cut her loose so she can accomplish her true dream.

[bededazzle]

that’s up to you, brother, but it sounds like a bad idea

[Sasha0426]

Think REALLY hard about this. If you stay, she thinks you want kids. Meaning you’re leading her on. You know what’s going to happen once she figures that out? She’ll end up hating you.

[Twalli]

That's actually one of the first things I cover in a relationship. If she wants then, I break up so we don't become too close, like you obviously are.

[LiamJHayden]

Best to move on, as that is a major difference and lying would be unfair and just a way of stringing her along.

[Staximus]

Don't have kids if you can't put them before yourself

[Unit1]

No

this is a recipe for a disaster guaranteed.

[jahaims]

If you don't want kids and have them anyways you will become an awful partner and parent.

[Surely]

When would you do if your birth control methods were to fail? As in not on purpose.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It'd be better to just find another woman.

[Drumlin2001]

No. Go your own ways.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Have a talk with her.