Why do some couples act like enemies instead of partners?

[Anonymous]

[caring__1]

The more intimate the relationship, the higher the expectations, as others will project the choices of those intimate ones on you. If someone on the other side of the world does a disgusting thing, it probably won't impact you much. If a person living a block away from you does the same disgusting thing, it will probably have greater impact. If your neighbor does that disgusting thing, it will have even greater impact. If your children or partner do that disgusting thing, you'll be less tolerant of their choice. We tend to take the choices of those we are most intimate with very personally. We interpret their choice as their way of showing consideration and respect toward us. We feel their choices are making a statement about us.

Another related problem is people tend to focus more on being heard than hearing and understanding the other. When this happens, people just get on the defensive, with no one hearing anyone, and this escalates arguments. By definition, arguments can't be won, as they never lead to positive results for all involved, so don't waste your time with them. There are many more effective options to choose from.

[es20490446e]

Cause people have no education in good communication and emotional intelligence, which are highly valuable skills.

When two people are sharing their thoughts with each other it shall be done in certain way, so the communication is constructive.

For example:
- We are sharing our thoughts, not deciding yet what we are going to do.
- I try to understand you well before I judge your point of view.
- I see as normal that you have different points of view and preferences.
- Every point of view has some truth in it.
- We don't try to agree on everything, or do everything together.
- I don't judge you, blame you, or force you do to do things you don't like.
- Focus on the solution, not the past problem.

[Anonymous]

Because the relationship is actually no longer working but they’re refusing to end it out of comfort/familiarity. Resentments have built up, there is probably a lack of communication and intimacy in general and yet they refuse to break up because they are just so used to being around each other. Loving someone is a choice, you have to actively choose to love someone even when you feel like you’re “losing feelings” for them. There is an ebb and flow in every relationship, you just gotta be strong enough to ride the wave.

[LazerBean]

Because those people didn't have parents who were intelligent enough to teach them how to be a good spouse.

[sheikalana]

They like to compete with each other.