Do you think a relationship is doomed when resentments are set from both partners?

[Finchie40]

If you can’t remove resentments for your partner then they won’t be able to remove them for you , So many people hold on to the past and will throw things back in your face , When a partner brings up the past all we can do is defend ourselves or accept it for what it was but when a partner is constantly throwing resentments at you , criticizing you, belittling you , from things from the past , acting like they never did anything wrong. That everything was your fault , Do you tolerate the abuse or do you walk away? How can you forgive someone if they can’t forgive you? From my experiences in relationships usually when a partner is doing this , it pretty much means they are checking out of the relationship or they are talking to someone else , playing a victim and making you the bad person for their actions , So do you walk away or do you stay and defend yourself? I use to stay thinking I am going to fight for my relationship and prove to her that I am a better man now and that I learned from my past mistakes to not do certain things anymore to make our relationship grow , to realize I am only wasting my time, I am at a point now in life that I just want to feel wanted and appreciated and want to feel like a priority to someone the same way I want to make them feel, but in today’s world that seems so far distant and a thing of the past , to the point I don’t even know if love really exists anymore , This world has gone to hell in a hand basket and everyone is just plain out selfish , Everyone wants what they don’t have and overlooks what they have right in front of them. So what’s the point of being in a relationship with someone that can’t remove their selfishness the same way you do for them?

[JustAnj]

This is actually what I am going through in my marriage. I have told myself many times that if things do not work I would not try again. I couldn't bare going through this again with another person.

I am happy to see he is finally getting help for his issues. He still does not grasp how to be empathetic towards my personal pain on our situation but I know it hurts him to much to know he hurt me.

I love him dearly, I feel as though I am dangling right now waiting to see where this all will take him and if it matters that I loved him and stood by him or would he go to what seems like greener pastures.

He tells me I am out of league, this hurts me because all I want is for him to see me at his level or at least for him to know for me he is my equal.

I am sorry you endured a relationship you worked hard in but did not work. It's no way to live if two people are not going to put in the equal effort and respect to learn how to improve for each other and oneself.

I really hope love still is out there for those who want to find it and want to keep hope that they will find a supportive and equally uplifting partner as themselves.

[JustAnj]

To answer the question on the tittle, I think resentments can definitely set the path to dooming a relationship though I do not think it is the main thing that ends a relationship. It takes two people to keep a relationship alive even with difficulties, it only takes one to end it.

[Finchie40]

I agree with you , I am old school when it comes to relationships, I will fight to keep my relationship alive , we all have insecurities and doubts and we all go through ups and downs , the only way I will walk away is if cheating occurs then it’s over for me

[Emerald55346]

It’s not about defending yourself it’s about you both finding where you can take accountability to move on in a healthy way and come to an understanding of what you both need to feel safe in the relationship.

[Guy13]

Secular reasoning is counterintuitive to Forgiveness and Biblical reasoning. Forgiveness (release of debt) is commanded however Trust may or may not be restored. Unforgiving person knows nothing of Grace (getting what is undeserved, freely) or Mercy (not getting what one does deserve).

[Anonymous]

Sure, especially if it can't get resolved. Things tend to fester when that happens.