Do you think it’s wrong to have a secret bank account behind your partners back?

[Pink2000]

Let’s say you’re married or even in a serious committed relationship where you’re living together and pay bills together and you’ve decided to have a shared account. Is it wrong to have a secret account on the side that you don’t tell your partner about? I’m asking because I advised a married friend of mine to do so… mind you she pays all the bills. Her man won’t even work. That’s my reasoning. I’ve always been taught to always have your own on the side.

[Lliam]

In a relationship it's absolutely fine. But if you are married and doing that, you are not working to build a future together. Your secret account is a hedge against divorce. You are not dedicated to your partner. You don't trust your partner. And if you don't trust each other completely, you have no marriage. You're not even in love. You're marriage is nothing but a transaction.

Why should you have separate accounts from which you can spend what you want? Why can't you spend what you want in the open without keeping it a secret? What the fuck are you buying that you can't discuss with your partner? You should make decisions on major purchases as a team.

I have a joint bank account. We both contribute so that there is enough to pay the bills every month. It fluctuates throughout the month. We both have ATM cards for the account but don't use them for purchases. I monitor that account.
I keep a small savings account in that bank to cover possible overdrafts. But I don't keep much in there because the interest rate is bullshit and I don't trust banks.

She is a sole proprietor of a business and has a business account from which to pay her overhead. I don't want to mix our household bills with her business transactions. I don't monitor that account, but I could if I wanted to.

She has a cash back Costco card that we both use for gas, groceries and other things. She pays that off from her business account every month so as to avoid interest payments.

I have a credit card with a 1% interest rate that we use for on-line purchases and sometimes for other things. I pay on that every month but don't want to zero it out.

We have a joint savings acct at a credit union. And we have a joint IRA for most of our savings. That IRA is managed by an investment company and generates decent returns. I have a couple of other old IRAs that just sit and accrue interest.

We both buy what we want. We are not deprived. We don't have to consult about minor purchases. We don't monitor or boss each other. But we consult about large purchases because we are team and everything is for our mutual happiness and welfare. We don't spend frivolously.

We can both monitor any of the accounts. But the point is, we trust each other. We are working together toward our mutual happiness and security for the future. We don't have to hide anything.

[wolfcat87]

Agreed, a married couple that feels the need to have secret accounts shouldn't be married. It goes directly against what it means to be married...

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, there is no problem for a partner to have their own bank account/ savings account on the side without telling the partner. I think it's terrible to be married to a person who doesn't work or doesn't contribute money for bills. That is happening on that program called 1000lb Sisters, this Amy's husband took her debit card, he doesn't have a job and the only money she has coming in is they show her and her sister, Tammy with their weight loss, and it's really comical, but it's pretty interesting. But the last show the police were called, and he handed over her debit card to her, and she has 2 kids he refuses to babysit, but life is really something with these reality shows.

[Pink2000]

I just saw that !! That was crazy. Poor Amy :(

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Pink2000 Yes it is. No woman should have to go through it. I lived across the street many years ago from this family and the mother of these children said, she loved her kids, but her husband came first in her life it was sad. Also, he would take his paycheck and blow the money on his side woman he was seeing, it's crazy for sure but these things happen. Men should place children and mother first before himself. In a marriage.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[Insecure2]

I think it's fine to have your own personal account when you keep your savings for the rainy days. You don't really have to tell anyone about IT. In today's world it's good to have some money just in case, even if you are married. You never know if one day you will end up divorced and then you could use the money. Even if your marriage/relationship turns out well you can still help your spouse/partner or children with IT. A secret account does not always mean you want to leave someone it's just a form of security either for you or your family. Moreover, if no one knows about IT then they won't pressure you to spend the money on something they believe is best, for example a new car when the old one is still running, you choose what to do with IT.

[rosemilk]

no i don't think that's wrong at all. did she make all of that money in that secret account? then no problem. yes you can have a shared account. but should also have your own account. always. shared accounts should only be for bills and groceries anyways

[KostasKouvalis]

My dad's done that before. I think if they're married, it's kind of wrong. But if they aren't married, as in the case of your friend, then I don't think her boyfriend is entitled to her money.

[Pink2000]

My dad did too. He saved up $10,000 and kept it from my mom. He ended up using it to fix her car anyways…

[RavVid]

It is wrong in a marriage to have significant secrets.

However I am inclined to think if the husband won't work then she is entitled to manage the money as she sees fit. I would ask you though in the reverse case with the wife not working would you think it OK for the husband to have a secret account?

I think you might say no.

[Pink2000]

It’d be different if he was also taking care of the kids instead of playing video games.

[RavVid]

And ditto if she was doing the same or cooking cleaning

[Pink2000]

I say it’s okay to have a secret account regardless

[RavVid]

I'm not going to dispute. I would tend to have a household account and a not secret personal account. One girlfriend not only spent everything she earn't but seemed to have ambitions to spend everything I earnt as well so i sort of get it. But NO was the better approach for me.

[HighValue]

The secret part is what makes it bad.

I would have my own separate account and she can have hers. That way, once each person pays their share of expenses, the rest of the money they earned is their to spend or save as they please. That is fair in my opinion, but hiding stuff is a bad idea in a relationship.

[Pete671]

Your married friend is a fool imho, she should dump him, he should work to support the marriage,,,

[Pink2000]

I agree

[DizzyDesii]

It may be wrong to keep it secret but its not wrong to have one. I’d make it clear from day one that i dont want a joint

[Friendlybro79]

Typically when men do this to a woman it's a big deal, usually leads to allegations of cheating, separate family, looking for a way out etc. So if she's willing to possibly be ridiculed for this then sure.

If you're not married I don't think it's a big deal. If you are married, I think you should be honest about finances. If she's very concerned a prenup would have been better. At least you're not liking to a spouse.

[blondfrog]

Nope and I hope every single person fucking piles up on me making this comment. With all the un loyalty this generation has created and divorces, its completely okay to have a secret bank account. And its okay to even lie to your partner about how much money you make.

[Friendlybro79]

A prenup is great for untrusting and if your partner gets mad and doesn't want to marry you over it then great you've avoided a potential financial pitfall

[blondfrog]

@Friendlybro79 A prenup is a great option but will not protect you from everything. It's better to just lie about how much money you have. Also telling your wife or others how much money you have will lead to other problems other than problems with your wife. For example if people find out how much money they make that will create unwanted attention that the rich person would want or even someone who has done a good job at saving their money. Basically the more money you have the more fake people and possible thieves you will attract in your life.

[NathanDavis]

I think there's something fundamentally wrong... having as a partner... someone you can't even trust and have to be secretive with them and also can't rely on them, on top of it

that's the really messed up part

[Anonymous]

Secret? no.

Unless the couple already have separate accounts. Every relationship is different. Every relationship has it's own dynamic. Some couples pool their money. Some keep their money separate and designate certain bills. As long as she's able to hold her end and I'm holding up mine her money is none of my business.

[ChicoFromThe305]

It's more on the fact that the person is hiding it intentionally that is wrong because money shouldn't have such importance to that point, it's not very hard to tell a partner you have another account but wish not to touch that money or whatever.

[Guido]

Since your friend has a freeloader then yes she should but in a good relationship then everything should be jount and share all.

[IslaTheWitch]

I have no problem with private/hidden/secret bank accounts if my partner feels such a need.

[AliceM611]

You should have joint and separate accounts but never secret ones.

[JacobJordan]

In the event of a divorce she is going to be ripped to shreds for hiding funds. Well done giving your friend horrible advice

[RedInnocent68]

Married? Probably. It’s okay to have separate, but if they’re completely secret and one partner dies, it’s problematic.

[ByronWolf]

Absolutely, transparency in a relationship is paramount. Secrets are the acid that melt the trust out of a relationship.

[sheikalana]

What are you hiding? Me and my husband have separate accounts but is not a secret.

[boobliker]

No my bank awlows you to have up to ten pots of money just for that

[Crankor]

As long as it's from your own money I don't think it's a bad idea

[EmpressAJ]

Absolutely not. U can have your own funds put away for a rainy day

[Anonymous]

No, I'd always have my own accounts and tell anyone to do the same

[LazerBean]

If you're married, yes. Otherwise no.

[HelpfulWoman]

secret. yes.
a separate one? no

[exitseven]

No, everyone needs privacy.

[JonesT10Apr]

wanna delete gag then right now

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope not at all

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'd always have me a side account im not putting all of what I work for in an account that someone else has access to that didn't work for it

[Anonymous]

No. It’s their money

[Ladyblanche]

No. I did.

[eagle1951]

yess