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Let’s say you’re married or even in a serious committed relationship where you’re living together and pay bills together and you’ve decided to have a shared account. Is it wrong to have a secret account on the side that you don’t tell your partner about? I’m asking because I advised a married friend of mine to do so… mind you she pays all the bills. Her man won’t even work. That’s my reasoning. I’ve always been taught to always have your own on the side.
In a relationship it's absolutely fine. But if you are married and doing that, you are not working to build a future together. Your secret account is a hedge against divorce. You are not dedicated to your partner. You don't trust your partner. And if you don't trust each other completely, you have no marriage. You're not even in love. You're marriage is nothing but a transaction.
Why should you have separate accounts from which you can spend what you want? Why can't you spend what you want in the open without keeping it a secret? What the fuck are you buying that you can't discuss with your partner? You should make decisions on major purchases as a team.
I have a joint bank account. We both contribute so that there is enough to pay the bills every month. It fluctuates throughout the month. We both have ATM cards for the account but don't use them for purchases. I monitor that account.
I keep a small savings account in that bank to cover possible overdrafts. But I don't keep much in there because the interest rate is bullshit and I don't trust banks.
She is a sole proprietor of a business and has a business account from which to pay her overhead. I don't want to mix our household bills with her business transactions. I don't monitor that account, but I could if I wanted to.
She has a cash back Costco card that we both use for gas, groceries and other things. She pays that off from her business account every month so as to avoid interest payments.
I have a credit card with a 1% interest rate that we use for on-line purchases and sometimes for other things. I pay on that every month but don't want to zero it out.
We have a joint savings acct at a credit union. And we have a joint IRA for most of our savings. That IRA is managed by an investment company and generates decent returns. I have a couple of other old IRAs that just sit and accrue interest.
We both buy what we want. We are not deprived. We don't have to consult about minor purchases. We don't monitor or boss each other. But we consult about large purchases because we are team and everything is for our mutual happiness and welfare. We don't spend frivolously.
We can both monitor any of the accounts. But the point is, we trust each other. We are working together toward our mutual happiness and security for the future. We don't have to hide anything.
I think it's fine to have your own personal account when you keep your savings for the rainy days. You don't really have to tell anyone about IT. In today's world it's good to have some money just in case, even if you are married. You never know if one day you will end up divorced and then you could use the money. Even if your marriage/relationship turns out well you can still help your spouse/partner or children with IT. A secret account does not always mean you want to leave someone it's just a form of security either for you or your family. Moreover, if no one knows about IT then they won't pressure you to spend the money on something they believe is best, for example a new car when the old one is still running, you choose what to do with IT.
no i don't think that's wrong at all. did she make all of that money in that secret account? then no problem. yes you can have a shared account. but should also have your own account. always. shared accounts should only be for bills and groceries anyways
Opinion
20Opinion
It is wrong in a marriage to have significant secrets.
However I am inclined to think if the husband won't work then she is entitled to manage the money as she sees fit. I would ask you though in the reverse case with the wife not working would you think it OK for the husband to have a secret account?
I think you might say no.
My dad's done that before. I think if they're married, it's kind of wrong. But if they aren't married, as in the case of your friend, then I don't think her boyfriend is entitled to her money.
The secret part is what makes it bad.
I would have my own separate account and she can have hers. That way, once each person pays their share of expenses, the rest of the money they earned is their to spend or save as they please. That is fair in my opinion, but hiding stuff is a bad idea in a relationship.
Your married friend is a fool imho, she should dump him, he should work to support the marriage,,,
It may be wrong to keep it secret but its not wrong to have one. I’d make it clear from day one that i dont want a joint
Typically when men do this to a woman it's a big deal, usually leads to allegations of cheating, separate family, looking for a way out etc. So if she's willing to possibly be ridiculed for this then sure.
If you're not married I don't think it's a big deal. If you are married, I think you should be honest about finances. If she's very concerned a prenup would have been better. At least you're not liking to a spouse.
Nope and I hope every single person fucking piles up on me making this comment. With all the un loyalty this generation has created and divorces, its completely okay to have a secret bank account. And its okay to even lie to your partner about how much money you make.
u I think there's something fundamentally wrong... having as a partner... someone you can't even trust and have to be secretive with them and also can't rely on them, on top of it
that's the really messed up part
Secret? no.
Unless the couple already have separate accounts. Every relationship is different. Every relationship has it's own dynamic. Some couples pool their money. Some keep their money separate and designate certain bills. As long as she's able to hold her end and I'm holding up mine her money is none of my business.
It's more on the fact that the person is hiding it intentionally that is wrong because money shouldn't have such importance to that point, it's not very hard to tell a partner you have another account but wish not to touch that money or whatever.
Since your friend has a freeloader then yes she should but in a good relationship then everything should be jount and share all.
In the event of a divorce she is going to be ripped to shreds for hiding funds. Well done giving your friend horrible advice
I have no problem with private/hidden/secret bank accounts if my partner feels such a need.
You should have joint and separate accounts but never secret ones.
Married? Probably. It’s okay to have separate, but if they’re completely secret and one partner dies, it’s problematic.
Absolutely, transparency in a relationship is paramount. Secrets are the acid that melt the trust out of a relationship.
What are you hiding? Me and my husband have separate accounts but is not a secret.
No my bank awlows you to have up to ten pots of money just for that
As long as it's from your own money I don't think it's a bad idea
Absolutely not. U can have your own funds put away for a rainy day
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