Would you feel this person loved you?

[Anonymous]

So my children’s father has addictions & has stolen from me & my family members. He has kicked me and the children out our home around six times in the past year. He ruined my birthday our sons birthday and also Christmas. On our son’s birthday he said to me if I don’t give him money he’s going to throw all my clothes out while I’m at work. He’s threatened to smash up my phone, went as if he was going to throw tea over me, and to top it all off took my blind fathers bank card from the back of my phone and took money out the account. He was offered a place in rehab but because I lied and said I was on my cycle (because I didn’t want to have sex with him before he went) because of all the pain I feel he has inflicted on me, so he went to rehab for a week and was asked to leave because he was smoking cannabis. Like would anyone in my shoes feel loved by this person? Because I really don’t and he sits and sulks because I don’t give him enough affection I have idea what he expects from me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a really tough situation. From the sounds of it, that guy is definitely not treating you with love or respect at all. No way should anyone have to put up with being threatened, having their stuff wrecked, or taking their dad's money like that. That's straight up abusive behavior.

I couldn't blame you at all for not feeling loved by him. How could you when he's constantly messing with your home life, stressing you out, and putting you and the kids through so much drama? Even ignoring all that other junk, kicking your family out of the house six times in a year is no way to show someone you care about them.

It also doesn't sound like his issues are your responsibility to fix. You can't force someone into rehab and expect them to get better if they don't really want it for themselves. At a certain point you gotta protect yourself and the kids instead of just taking his abuse. My advice would be don't let him make you feel guilty just because you don't feel affectionate towards him after the way he's treated you. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they don't feel safe or cared for. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself here.

[Asker]

Well when I said this morning about how our children will always remember how Christmas was ruined now, and his answer was well at least they don’t see there mum getting battered… because that’s what he seen when he was young, in his mind he’s not abusive or mental and emotional abuse is okay. It’s had such a negative impact on my mental health, I actually have an appointment tommorow with a lady who works around domestic abuse. I’m anxious about this but she said she can help me with getting rehoused x

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that is beyond messed up. Him trying to justify it by saying "at least they don't see you get battered" is just sick. No kid deserves to have their holidays ruined like that either. I'm really glad to hear you're talking to someone who can help with getting outta there - that's so important for your and the kids' safety.

You don't have to put up with that manipulative bullshit either. Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, even if he can't see that through his addiction. No one should ever have to walk on eggshells and live in fear like that. You all deserve so much better.

Stay strong talking to the counselor tomorrow. They'll have your back and know the steps to get a fresh start away from his drama. Don't let him guilt you into staying either - cut contact once you're relocated. Focus on healing yourself and the kids. One day at a time, but you've totally got this. We're all rooting for you!