Why people who take back their cheating partners get looked down upon?

Question

I explored the topic a bit on several forums and reddit, and I'm taken aback by the vitriol and spite that gets thrown at people willing to work things out with their cheating partner.

They get called cucks, idiots, self-hating women, etc.

The worst I saw was a female user telling another female user that she "deserves to be cheated on and abused" if she takes back her cheating husband. Or a man being told he's not a "real man" because he wasn't eager to divorce his cheating wife.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

It’s because 9 out of 10 times the person who did this to you has no respect for you. There are some rare exceptions but most of the time that’s the real reason why.

Besides the (justified) heartbreak there also usually an insecurity/ego problem going on with the person got cheated on. They want to believe that the cheater really loves and respects them (which protects their ego and/or doesn’t fulfill their insecurity of being alone/undesirable) vs. cutting the rope and accepting the other person isn’t their #1. Sure it’s a horrible underserved ordeal a person has to endure. But also tests their mettle when it comes to self respect vs. battles with their own insecurities

I know every time I gave a woman a “second chance” (not from cheating but other major red flags) she always burned me again. 100% of the time this happened. She always a slew of bs excuses for the first major infraction (including blaming me). But there is old saying: “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.”

If I had a Time Machine I would literally kicked these girls rears out the door, slam it and never back. It’s ripping the band side off. Agony and loneliness at first of course. But also self respect as well which is more important than anything. I’m proud to say I do not and have not tolerated that kind of bs again in over 10 years.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

People who do this often seem to have a horrible lack of self-esteem. And you can't expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself. However, that does not justify unleashing your fury at others. It seems that some people just enjoy judging others harshly.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Forgiveness, or the quality or mercy, can make exceptional change in a relationship. Cheating is messed up behavior, but if the cheater gets therapy and the pair work on therapy together and apart, there is a chance they can work out this transgression.

Sometimes it's a one-time thing. But, if the person is a serial cheater, he's the same as an abuser. Very seldom do abusers change their stripes even after apologizing a dozen times, they fall back on abusive behavior repeatedly.

And cheating IS abusive behavior. Emotionally abusive. You're not striking anyone, but you are striking at and destroying their trust in and love for you.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

They tend to look foolish because they were already walked on by their spouse and it seems they are allowing their spouse a second opportunity to use them like a doormat again.

That being said, I know ONE couple who got married out of high school and the husband cheated on his wife several years later. She was prepared to leave him, but she decided to forgive him and work through it. We all thought she was a fool. That was 30 years ago and they are still married. I haven't heard of any other times he cheated and knowing her, she wouldn't put up with it a second time.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

A lot of people see it as lacking self respect and being an enabler.. I don't necessarily see it like that.. I think it takes a certain strength and patience to stick with and want to work it out with someb who wronged you.. I believe if the person is repentant, recognized they have a problem, and are willing to work through it with you, why not give them the chance..

Phoenix98 · Answer

People look down upon them because they’re taking someone back who betrayed their trust, loyalty and thought so little of their relationship that they thought they could cheat and get away with it.

I’m top of that it just further reinforces that bad behavior and shows them that they can do things like that without repercussions.

I mean when a pet shits on your carpet or pisses on your furniture you don’t pat it on the head and tell it good boy do you? So why would you take someone back who shit on your relationship?

CozyCoffin · Answer

I believe they are gullible, naïve, scared, weak, and may have insecurity or low self-esteem. Trust and fidelity are the cornerstones of marriage and cheating obliterates both of those completely. There’s no coming back from that.

Despite whatever lies the cheater has spun, the bottom line is that they considered their partner, and everything else associated, worthless. This was all subordinated by the desire to engage in a romantic relationship with someone else. What else screams “I don’t care for you” more than this?

Unfortunately, many people refuse to face the reality that they were discarded, devalued, and disrespected. It’s easier to believe that the affair meant nothing, despite the cheater risking literally everything and all evidence to the contrary. It hurts less to avoid acknowledging that the cheater didn’t love, respect, value, or cared enough to not engage in inappropriate emotional and sexual activity with another.

RavVid · Answer

I'm not surprised at all. I'm more surprised at no fault divorce. Other than single people, every adult is vulnerable to their partner cheating on them and it is a very intimate betrayal.

With 'no fault' there is no punishment and I am not surprised a lot of people would want to see some punishment. All that can happen now is the cheater is divorced. So that is what people want to see happen.

When it comes down to it there is no punishment for a very intimate betrayal of trust. And I guess everybody would like to see some punishment

Account · Answer

I wouldn't look down on them. In fact, I think it is brave to forgive someone, even though I am unable to do it.
I respect it though and I understand it.

As to why other people look down on them... well people have the tendency to downplay behaviors or decisions that they themselves wouldn't do. I think that isn't fair though.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Some of the criticism is justified. Because they are enabling bad behavior. So it incentivizes more bad behavior in the future from others who observe that they can get away with this without consequences.

sheikalana · Answer

Because cheated is a deal breaker for a lot of people and they expect it to be a deal breaker for everyone.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Some people can't cope with the fact that some people can recover from bad situations when they can't.

Amara_09 · Answer

Because you are repeating the same mistake all over again. You move on from a mistake. You grow and learn from it. You going back is like going yourself into a pit full of pig shit.

desidoll · Answer

Because they are seen as people with lack of self-respect. This group of people also encourage cheaters to cheat more.

JacobJordan · Answer

Cheaters never change so taking back a cheater makes no sense. That being said if he or she wants to do that it is their life to destroy.

Radiate143 · Answer

Because people tend not to respect people who don't respect themselves.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Because cheating is an act where the person is fully aware of the consequences and pain it will cause the other person.

Minahh · Answer

Because they're dumb what do you mean if they take back person who doesn't give two shits about them they don't respect themselves

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because cheaters will cheat again.

Zestyassmf1997 · Answer

Cause a person’s self respect is very important.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Because they want people in their business

jahaims · Answer

Because they are weak and foolish

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