How do you go about vetting someone for a serious relationship?

Question

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

I switched to friendship-first style reaching my mid-20s. So instead of dating with the prospect of getting to know a woman, I just started hanging out with groups of men and women together (expanding ones where we invite new nice people into the group as we meet them).

Then I could get to know the women in those groups outside of the dating context for a good while, and only ask them out if we were getting along really well that way.

I met my wife that way. We hung out together with our friend group for almost a year before we started dating and we already got along extremely well by that point. By the time we started dating, there was nothing I learned about her that surprised me in a bad way.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

it doesn't take long for me to realize who might be more or less serious about many things...

at this point, my age... if you're my age and still trying to figure out a career, a job, this or that... well that, can be an indicator about how serious you are or have been with some things in life

previous relationships, family situations, friends or no friends... long etcétera

it's not an exact parameter no, and there's many exceptions too, which are considered but... the more balanced your life is then the more serious of a person you can be, for a serious relationship

Lara_Croft · Accepted Answer

1) Are they saved- is Jesus their Lord and Savior 2) What is his vision for life 3) Is he humble, respectful esp of his parents, loving and considerate 4) Is he hardworking and what does he do for a living 5) Is marriage a desire of his

electromagnetic · Accepted Answer

I don’t really think I have. Keeping in mind I’ve only had under 5 relationship I tend to be very transparent going into an dating

Bricealan · Answer

Depends on how much time I spend with them, and the different situations I see us in.

My last serious relationship (?) was with a nice woman that I worked with at DMV.

She drove her vehicle like a lunatic... with no regard for others, and one day she said to me: "When I'm out driving, everyone needs to get out of my way"!

That lowered my view of her to a very low point, and I lost respect for her with that attitude expressed. That took a long time to see that attitude.

CozyCoffin · Answer

Closest I ever was to having a girlfriend by that method was being friends online and she asked to be my girlfriend. The only long distance relationship I ever had was with my mom and I felt as though the experience of a romantic one would be the same as what I dealt with in my familial one - getting ghosted and lied to all the time. I wish I said yes. I could be married with kids by now. I've been kicking myself ever since.

In my experience at least in person, being friends first never worked. They only wanted to be friends and I ended the friendship afterward. I used to just approach a woman and see if she wanted to go on a date or ask her out right away on a dating site. I haven't bothered in five years. I don't talk to people in general, except in work situations - their work or mine, unless they say something first. Last I talked to a woman without her being on the job was at a coffee shop when she started a conversation about my Midna sweater.

DextroShade · Answer

Here's a good place to start: ask for full access to her phone; if she won't give it to you she isn't ready for a relationship.

Other things she should accept:

No male friends
No going out to bars or clubs
No going on girls' trips
No posting slutty thirst trap pictures on social media; in addition, you should be prominently featured on there in a picture with her so people know she's taken
No piercings other than earrings
No hanging out with promiscuous women

msc545 · Answer

I'm not sure how you go about it, but apparently men aren't very good at this given the divorce rate and the fact that file over 90% of the divorces. This suggests that arguably men are not very good at evaluating whether or not women will make a good mates. Men don't do the sort of thing on purpose obviously, but nonetheless they get blamed for just about everything that goes wrong in marriage. I think men are starting to learn that at least for us marriage is a losing proposition and can really ruin our lives and some instances.

Nonetheless, many men I know believe that they can adequately evaluate women's suitability based on their own special capabilities. When they find out that they cannot or did not do this well at all. They are in the middle of a divorce and it's too late. Most men learn these lessons after divorce and after horrible experiences in court.

exitseven · Answer

I date them for a while. I poke around on the internet and see if she has been in prison or had declared bankruptcy or has been arrested. If it started got get serious i would stake out where she lives for a few days and see who comes and goes.

Anonymous · Answer

Religious beliefs/ values,

Not being materialistic, are they modest?

emotional intelligence and how they solve conflicts.

hard working, Hard working people are usually good people. With direction and goals,

What do they look like?
What you look like physically says a lot about you, I can tell what’s going on in your mind just by how you carry your self and how you look. With great accuracy
Fit/ skinny people usually have more discipline and self control. Staying fit, watching what you eat. Active , not lazy …….

Relationships with others. Do they have a loving tight knit tribe? Or is it fighting and every relationship they have is strained or damaged in some way?
and it’s never their fault? I. pay attention to how they interact with others. And what other people think of them, That know them in a different light.

Lliam · Answer

Vet? Seriously? Why don't you print up a multi-page "relationship application" and grade it like a school test. Treat her like she has to qualify before you'll even talk to her. Good luck with that.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I don't even try any more I just be nice and put in no effort. Then the guys usually leave before anything starts. Which is the way I like it.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

A short five page questionnaire. It only takes about 20 mins or so.

Anonymous · Answer

1. Is she Orthodox Christian or at least Catholic

2. She's a loving person both to me and others

3. She helps me or inspires me to be a better person

4. Preferably she's of a European ethnic background

5. She understands my unconventional interests and lifestyle

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

It's necessary and shouldn't be met with resistance. Compatibility in morals, values, goals etc at extremely important and should be communicated openly

RavVid · Answer

I think pay a lot of attention to their character.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

After my ex, they must make me feel like a lady because that man made me feel like I was growing a dick.

OddBeMe · Answer

Time. Actions, their friends, does the little stuff match your life? Iike cleanliness.

Dongie · Answer

Use a background check.

swordbreaker · Answer

their attitude is important

How do you go about vetting someone for a serious relationship?

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