Boyfriend is inconsiderate of my privacy, would this annoy you?

[Dream-er679]

I’m currently staying with my boyfriend’s parents for a week (first time meeting them). There is an en-suite in the room with a dodgy boiler. My boyfriend told me a servicing man was coming in the morning to look at it. My phone died in the evening and I couldn’t charge it. So I had no alarm clock. So in the morning, instead of waking me up when he got up, he woke up and left me sleeping. The service man showed up and the next thing I know they come barging into the bedroom and start talking very loudly in the bathroom. It was like a bull storming into a china shop. The serviceman, my boyfriend and his parents were all in the bedroom. And I woke up with a start because of the noise and commotion. I just had to hide under the blankets until they left. Thankfully it was only 3 minutes or so. But still I felt like a boundary had been crossed. I don’t like people coming into the room while I’m sleeping, especially strangers! I also could have been naked. Bear in mind we are in India so that could have been a shock for the old guy coming to fix the boiler. When my boyfriend came in alone I had a quiet go at him and said ‘could you not have said “wait a minute, let me check if my partner’s awake” or something to that effect’. He said that he did check if I was decent. And I said ‘that’s not the point! It’s about boundaries and consideration for my privacy’. I’m so frickin irritated at his inconsideration. I’m not his brother who doesn’t mind people coming into his room, I’m his romantic partner, and sometimes I think he forgets about that. I wish he’d just be more considerate of my boundaries. I’m also PMSing which doesn’t help, and he knows this. WHY do men always do inconsiderate stuff when women are in their luteal phase? WHY? He is generally a considerate person, but when he does stupid sh*t, generally it’s when I’m hormonal AF. Anyway what do you think, did he cross a boundary? He did apologise but I’m still peeved off.

[Oliverlogan263]

Gurl, I totally understand why you're irritated! That was super inconsiderate of him not to give you a heads up. A few thoughts:

- Boundaries around privacy are so important, especially when sleeping/waking up. That's just basic respect.

- As your partner, he should know better than anyone not to barge in without checking. So lazy and thoughtless of him.

- Being in a new place meeting his folks adds pressure, the last thing you need is to be startled awake like that! Nerve-wracking.

- Men seem to forget how much more sensitive we get while hormonal. We need extra TLC during those times and he failed.

Look, I'd be pissed too. An apology doesn't really cut it here - he needs to do better going forward. You should have a chat about what you need from him to feel respected, especially when you've got your period demons battling haha. Set clear expectations so this doesn't happen again! You deserve to feel comfortable, sis. Stand your ground - you're in the right here.

[Dream-er679]

Thanks! Your insight helps me feel less like a hormonal demon. I know nobody’s perfect - I know I’m not. So I take everything with a pinch of salt. I need to chat to him about luteal phase stuff really. We chat openly all the time about this kind of stuff but I suppose he isn’t going through the same cycle as me so he will likely forget. I think I’ll tell him that when I’m in my luteal phase I need kindness, softness and consideration. Hopefully he’ll understand a bit better. Must be hard for men tbf to understand. In any case, letting a stranger barge in on me sleeping is never okay so defo told him that. The fact that I’m PMSing just makes it that little bit worse.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're totally right, luv. Hormones make everything more intense, so it's understandable you'd be extra irritated during that time of the month. Props to you for being willing to openly talk to your guy about it to help him understand where you're coming from.

Communication is so important, especially with something he'll never experience himself like your cycle. I'm sure once you explain how it makes you feel more sensitive, he'll try to be more considerate when he knows you're in that luteal phase. Just having that awareness will go a long way.

And yeah, letting strangers barge in was way uncalled for anytime. Good thing you made that clear it's not okay, hormones or not. Dude probably just wasn't thinking straight in the moment, but at least now he knows better for next time.

Seems like you guys usually chat things through well, so I bet after you talk more he'll be more thoughtful. It's all about learning, you know? As long as there's respect and effort on both sides, I'm sure you'll be good. Just don't be too hard on yourself either - dude hormones are no joke!

[Saiesh30]

Honestly, yes the boundary was crossed. People, not just your boyfriend should be thoughtful.
But since he apologized, that's more important. You shouldn't keep it in your head now and try to forget about it.
Privacy you know is so not respected in India, anyway. It's hardly cared for. But that bring said, it could have been handled better.

[Saiesh30]

Being said*

[Dream-er679]

Yeah I think you sum it up, could have been handled differently. It’s my first time in India and generally he has been good with checking in and helping me out, but maybe he just started thinking I’m fine now and don’t need consideration 😂. I understand that Indians don’t see privacy in the same way, but at the same time I do think he should be protecting my privacy to make sure I feel comfortable.

[Saiesh30]

Hahah oh it's your first time here. Welcome!
And congratulations on experiencing how it is a regular day for us lol 😅😂
Doors are made but not meant to be locked lol.
But yeah, jokes apart he should have been thoughtful and so should his family. A knock was sufficient or him coming in to check on you should have been good.

[Dream-er679]

Like if I was dressed and chilling I have no problem but I was in my nightdress. I should have got a boob out for revenge. ‘Why’d you do that?’ ‘Oh sorry I didn’t know anyone was in here’ 😂

[Dream-er679]

But yea I agree a knock or something would have been nice. Me and my boyfriend live in Europe and I’m British so he should be familiar with what I find acceptable by now. I don’t know if he’s just forgotten now he’s home surrounded by his country’s customs. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect his parents to change their behaviour for me, but I do expect my boyfriend to think about what I’d be happy with or not.

[Saiesh30]

😂😂😂😂
Wouldn't that be such a drama lmao. Literally laughing at the thought of his parents seeing the boob out.

[Dream-er679]

And the old plumber! The neighbours are already gossiping about the white girl in the area. Could you imagine if they heard I whipped a boob out? Haha

[Saiesh30]

As they say, shit happens. So that was definitely a one off thing. I'm pretty sure he's already thinking too much about giving you a good time here.

[Saiesh30]

The gossip rules the streets here 😂
1 thing makes 100 stories lol. So nobody can even predict what stories they'd make out of it lol.

[Dream-er679]

Yes to be fair my boyfriend has worked hard to plan our trip and worried about what I’m going to eat, etc, so of course I don’t think he’s all bad, he never is! But when a woman is hormonal we only see one end of the tunnel 😂

[Dream-er679]

They’ve all asked if I speak Hindi because they want to ask me questions probably. Sadly I don’t speak Hindi yet, but then again would probs say I don’t even if I do to avoid questioning. And of course I don’t take their curiosity in a bad way, it comes from a good place!

[Saiesh30]

Haha yeah! The language thing is always exciting. They wanna hear you speak Hindi and would enjoy that a lot.
Yeah every woman has it different but most are red zone only lol in PMS. Have to give extra care.

[Anonymous]

If we say it annoys us, then what? We collectively say some version of “yeah!” Or “that would really piss me off!”, then you go right back downstairs and move about your day lol. It’s not that deep, just tell him to pop in first next time to wake you up.

[Dream-er679]

Easier said than done when you have pms.

[Opinion Owner]

As someone with crippling cramp pains, that doesn’t give you a hall pass to cut up. This isn’t that big of a deal, just let him know what not to do for next time and he already said sorry.

[Dream-er679]

To be fair everyone is individual. What matters to me might not matter to you. But I’m gonna use that hall pass thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, you specifically are asking if what happened would annoy you and I said you’re cutting up and blaming it on your period. How much more will suffice than sorry? What more can he do than better the next time? Sorry I don’t support your grudgey behavior, it just doesn’t seem that deep.

[Opinion Owner]

Must be nice finding solace in the conversation of another man☺️

[TheSpider]

Kick his inconsiderate ass to the curb.

[Dream-er679]

Haha I definitely told him off!