How to handle guy who likes my girlfriend, who works in same organisation?

Question

Yesterday, when talking about our days, my girl mentioned that at work they were talking about me but that they do not know who I am. My girl said at work they call me mike from the gym. I asked her why this was & she told me that she doesn't want people knowing about her private life.

'Background: so my girlfriend works as an outsourced auditor. So she visits around the different locations in which I am part of. So she visits the same 10 locations once a month.

To which I said, "everybody at each location knows who I am & that we are together, apart from sea view"

she then said that she told the manager at sea view when asked who she was dating, that she was dating a guy called mike from the gym.

I said "how come"

She said she didn't want any 'grief' from him.

I said "why are you bothered, about what he thinks?"

She said I'm not but just don't want loads of questions being asked.

I then asked how her own manager knew about the mike from the gym thing & she said the manager from sea view had spoken to her manager, asking who he was.

I said, why does this manager speak with your manager. She then said he calls about work. I then said is your dating life work? She then went silent.

The conversation made me feel angry because 1 I felt like I'm being hidden & don't understand why. Then 2 I know this manager from sea view has a reputation with women & that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I've tried understand why I feel this way & am frustrated because it's affected how me & my girl have communicated last night & this morning.

I guess I feel threatened by this guy, but don't know what to do to feel better about it?

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Alright if I read this correctly your girlfriend is hiding the fact that you and her are together. I hate to break it to you but that’s a very bad sign. Huge red flag. I also don’t like her response that she is downplaying it to avoid “grief” from the other manager.

That’s complete bs. At best she has twisted insecurity about how this other guy will react. But if this other guy harasses her in anyway possible by throwing shade on you and/or saying he’s a “better option” his ass would be in very hot water. We live in the post #metoo era now. Your girlfriend is actually making it all much worse because he believes she might be available.

Anyway about this managers reputation. That’s something to watch out for. But if he’s directly informed that’s she’s taken and off limits then he will have to proceed at his own peril at that point. Your girlfriend does have a responsibility to speak up about it.

But maybe she thinks he will view her more positively or some crap if he thinks he has a chance. No. Not a good idea.

I’ve dated women who were proud of me in public and others who downplayed me. The latter were almost using me as a “placeholder” until something better came along. They had no real respect. All of them burned me and burned me very bad at the end. They had no guilt or remorse about it either.

Not saying your girl is like that and I get it’s complicated at work. But it starts with her having to acknowledge you. If she thinks that will impact her career and work place then that’s a bigger problem with her.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

"How to handle guy?" You don't get to do that. Your girlfriend is not your property. Her relationships at work are her problem, not yours. There's nothing you can do except decide whether you trust your girlfriend or you don't.

To feel better about it? Talk it out with a good friend, or maybe talk to a counselor about your insecurities. Your feeling of being threatened is not healthy and it's also unrealistic. Your girlfriend will stay or go, and there's little you can do about it except treat her well.

serious_miss419 · Accepted Answer

It’s okay to feel insecure when a spouse won’t communicate.
It’s natural actually.
There could be a chance she wants her personal life private from work. Lots of people do.
But she shouldn’t be shutting u off when you ask a normal question about the relationship.

aceleon · Answer

she will cheat.

-what type of girl cares about a guys feelings who isnot his boyfriend? a cheating one or an about to cheat one

-what type of girl wants to hide he has a man already from others and especially from a guy? a cheater.

dump this bitch.

JacobJordan · Answer

Looking at your reply about how she cheated to get with you. You know the saying mate. Question is not if you believe the saying but how long before you accept it. She has rationalized cheating once she will have an easier time after that. It comes down to do you really want to be with someone you can never fully trust because you know they are likely to cheat or do you move on now before things get more serious

Yannae · Answer

I don't know if I was not paying enough attention but I couldn't find "Mike from the gym is my boyfriend" Or anything along those lines.

To answer the question. It's actually her job to handle this. And she's doing it wrong.

I understand that people from work trying to be noisy can be annoying. But saying you're in a relationship is just some basic info. And that's really all she has to say.

DextroShade · Answer

The guy isn't the problem here, she is the problem because there will always be a guy who wants your girl. If she doesn't make it crystal fucking clear to everybody she works with that she is taken then she is unworthy of a relationship. Honestly there is a good chance she is already fucking this guy. Demote her to recreational use only.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I don't know bro... I don't talk about my personal life at work either. I also wouldn't have given them "mike from the gym"... ironic if there actually IS someone named Mike at her gym. Now THAT would be a red flag.

JayBones · Answer

If he doesn't disappear, you will. If he works with her he will spend more time with her then you do.

Iron_Man · Answer

Have the girlfriend stay completely away from him ignore him that’s a big red flag, and if it gets even worse, talk to the guy yourself

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Your girlfriend is leaving her options open.

jahaims · Answer

You don't trust your girlfriend so the relationship is pointless

Anonymous · Answer

Get over it. Nothing worse than an insecure male.

exitseven · Answer

Make sure this guy knows the s orw.

boobliker · Answer

report him to hr

How to handle guy who likes my girlfriend, who works in same organisation?

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