This guy is so hot and cold towards me I dont know what to feel about him, help?

[Anonymous]

This coworker and I have gotten close, and anytime we close we argue a lot and when we drink together it's worse (but it's more playful arguing never full on yelling) but if the resurant starts to say we are "boyfriend and girlfriend" he gets mad and closed off, but if a week later goes by he's fine and talks and chills out. He also wanted to hangout this Friday but he only asked me when he was drunk, I don't know he's so odd and I need help

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that does sound pretty odd behavior from this guy. Sounds like he might have some issues with commitment or affection if he's getting mad about the "boyfriend and girlfriend" label.

Some things that popped out to me:

- Him only asking you out when he was drunk seems kinda flaky. Like maybe deep down he's unsure of what he wants so alcohol gives him false courage. Would have been better if he asked when sober so you knew it was really what he wanted.

- The hot and cold routine would give anyone whiplash! Going from playfully arguing and chilled out vibes to mad and closed off so quickly is kind of immature and inconsistent on his part.

- It's never good to depend on alcohol to have good times together either. If the dynamic is only fun when drinking that's usually not a great sign for the relationship staying stable and healthy in the long run.

To me all this says he might have some commitment issues or trouble expressing his real feelings clearly. Which could lead to you getting mixed signals and confused about where you stand.

If I were you, I'd be cautious about really investing feelings into this guy until he shows he can be steady, sober, and honest about what he wants from you without the drama. See how this weekend goes when you hang out, but don't get too attached too fast if the hot/cold pattern keeps happening.

Maybe have a straightforward convo with him asking what he's looking for out of the situationship, just to be on the same page. Protect yourself from games until he proves himself! Hopefully he comes around.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Have you slept together or kissed or something at least? If not, it seems kind of jumping ahead to me. Either you enjoy hanging out with him or not. If so, you can continue hanging out and see where that goes. It might be premature to ask what this is right now unless you two have already gotten very intimate with each other.

[Asker]

We discussed it be decided that it'll be fine with being friends, which is fine but we shared a bottle and the next week everyone started to say we were dating again

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I just tended to go with the flow so initially, I just asked myself whether or not we're having a good time. If so, become boyfriend and girlfriend and see if we're getting along really well even through harsh times. If so, marriage!

[Asker]

Interesting 😅 so relax and wait to see what happens, I'm still okay being friends tho he's the only a few people who can deal with my nerdy sarcasm 😅

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Admittedly I might have saved myself some grief when I was younger if I stopped and asked a bit more deeply about the possible future of a relationship before I formed one. I was always a one day at a time kind of thinker and was decent at improvising and going with the flow but my weak point was always forming and sticking to long-term plans (my wife compensates for that weak point being the polar opposite type in this context).

But I think it does help to kind of go with the flow a bit in these early stages. It doesn't make much sense to repeatedly ask where we're going when we've barely started the journey.

[Asker]

True, I'll be slower to react for a bit

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I think that'll be good for this situation. Take it easy and relax, have some fun, but know your boundaries. Get to know each other more closely and then you two can both figure out better what to feel about each other. Might help to spend some time together very sober as well!