For context, I'm a commitment phobe and we used to have a situation in the past where I helped him to get away from his abusive ex. In the process, I admitted my feelings to him to which he rejected me.
Lately, he has been messaging me consistently asking how i am and wanting to know my life updates and he in return gives advises, tries to take care of me, and compliments me at times. This has been ongoing. I have been responding and shared my life updates. I noticed the increase in messages but at first it was good to have someone who is always asking how i am. However, I am beginning to feel worried and afraid. I am not used to giving life updates to anyone.
The other day, he again messaged me asking how i am. We talked about my situation again and when I asked about his, he also shared stuff. The problem was that he didn't want to go where I want to because it's far. So i said something to the lines of it being my bucketlist before I leave the world and he got mad at me saying it was not right for me to say that and i said i was just joking.
So naturally his reaction caused me to think something was wrong. So, thinking he is in danger, I kept asking him if he is okay. To which he said he is fine. I initially suspected he kept messaging me lately maybe because he is not okay but when we talked, it turned out he really was just fine. He got paranoid and I in the end got paranoid as well.
So now I'm getting bothered again because what would this mean as to why he is constantly messaging me when he doesn't have much issues. What is your take on this? I feel that im not cut out with the emotional intimacy that is needed with this exchange.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Yo this does kinda sound like he's getting too emotionally attached to you again. A few things stand out:
- Constantly checking in on you and wanting life updates is bordering on possessive behavior.
- Getting upset at a silly joke you made shows he takes things too personally.
- Admitting feelings before and now messaging all the time is classic orbiting kinda behavior.
It's good he was just fine and not in real danger, but this level of interaction still isn't healthy if you don't want something serious with him. A few options:
- Straight up tell him you can't keep giving so much of your personal life and need space.
- Start taking longer to reply so he gets the hint you're distancing some.
- Suggest talks focus more on casual chat than emotional intimacy.
- Consider limiting contact further if he doesn't back off on his own.
Don't feel bad about speaking up for yourself here. If you aren't feeling it, he needs to respect that. Some clear boundaries might help him move on fully like you both need to. Don't let this stress you - you got this!