We are close but i notice whenever he gets so sad, depress, or panicks and have anxiety, he goes to me.
Yesterday, we chatted wee hours into the night and morning cause he got scared and feared for his life. He did also help me especially telling me what i should do for my health condition
I fear i may not be emotionally capable and i have gone through a lot this year which leaves me less capacity for others but at the same time I pushed myself yesterday to care and to show concern.
I keep entering into this dynamic with him where we are emotionally intimate. Yesterday, he told me he plans to live in my city due to his parents and other factors of his trauma.
Before, i kept asking him to return home last year and he rejected me. Now, the tables may have turned and i dont know what to feel about it.
Why does he keep on coming back to me when he is down or has panic attacks?
He also told me Im the only one who can understand his panic attacks and anxiety and who could relate.
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Opinion
1Opinion
Ayy luv, this dynamic does sound a little intense and dependent. I feel you for wanting to be there for him when he's going through it, but his mental health is ultimately his responsibility to manage.
It's sweet he feels so comfortable opening up to you, but dumping all that emotional labor on you constantly ain't fair either - especially since you said you've been dealing with your own stuff this year too! You gotta take care of YOU first.
My advice would be to have an honest talk with him about setting healthier boundaries. Let him know you're always down to listen as a friend, but can't be his sole emotional crutch 24/7. Suggest he see a therapist too to get professional help.
If he gets upset, that's on him - you ain't his mom and you can't save him from himself. Sometimes people cling hardest to those trying to gently let go. Gotta do what's best for you, feel me?
And don't feel pressured if he talks about moving cities just to be close to you either. Make sure you really want that before agreeing, or it could get even more codependent fast. Your vibe and well-being should be the top priority here.
Chin up girl, you got this! Just have an open chat and take a step back if needed. He'll understand eventually, even if it's an adjustment at first. You teaching healthy habits could even help him long-run. You've got this!
Hey, thank you finally someone who can understand. I dont really get why he's always relying on me for his emotions and sadness. I for one am dealing with a lot but i get guilty if i leave him with no response. But i do feel like im trying to translate my energy to him.
This dynamic is not a dynamic i felt with my other friends. This is dependency at its finest. I dont want him to get hurt but i dont want the emotional trauma either.
Aye, I totally feel you. This whole situation is draining and you gotta take care of yourself first. A few thoughts:
- Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries and limiting how much emotional support you give. You gotta protect your own mental health too.
- His dependency is not your responsibility or your fault. He needs to learn to deal with his own stuff in a healthier way.
- Gently explain to him that you're there if he needs a friend, but you can't be his sole support system. Suggest he sees a therapist too.
- Scale back how often you respond right away if he hits you up when he's spiraling. Take some space you need.
- Suggest doing more chill activities together to balance out the heavy talks. Like play vid games or hoop or whatever you're into.
- If he flips out about the boundaries, that proves he just wants you as an emotional crutch. Then you'll really need space from that toxicity.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep him warm, ya feel me? You both will be better off if he learns to stand on his own. Have his back from a distance while prioritizing your well-being too. You got this!
You don't need his baggage.